The Simpsons Sucks Because of Dispassionate Writers

     I watched a new episode of The Simpsons (a 2010? a 2012?) last night. I have never seen this episode before, but I'm sure I've seen at least 2 other episodes exactly like it. The plot was: Homer disappoints Lisa who rejects him, so Homer has to redeem himself. Didn't they do this in an episode involving a museum and another episode involving Lisa's Saxophone? Of all the episodes that did this story idea, this episode did it the laziest. The writers just didn't care to tell a story. The conflict was established too late, and the conclusion came too easily. I imagine some writer just had a lot of ideas for jokes and built a story around it. In fact, for the first half of the episode, Homer had his own story which had no plot of its own and was irrelevant to the main story wherein he helped people to breakup with their boy/girl friends.

I'm actually very good at calming my busy mind and getting to sleep at night, but last night I couldn't help myself. Here is the solution to The Simpsons' sucking.

STORY, STORY, STORY (or fire ALL the current writing staff and/or whoever is in charge!). What is needed is a new spark of passion for the series.

It's all about the story. Even in comedy, the humor should take a backseat to the story. People will only care about a interesting character with nothing going on for so long before losing interest. You need to write good stories again. That's what made The Simpsons so damn good to begin with. At this point, The Simpsons are as bad as M. Knight Shyamalan who is still pathetically coasting on "...from the creator of The Sixth Sense." The Simpsons was conceived to satirize the traditional American family. How about changing to reflect the changes in our culture? Now that the you've already satirized the traditional American family, now let's satirize something else.

How about satirizing what it's like to be a middle class American family in a slowly deteriorating culture?

It's one thing to make jokes about how little Americans care about disaster victims, but how about actually trying to make your audience empathize with disaster victims? What if a volcano sprouted out of the ground in Springfield. No, it doesn't have to be reasonable or permanently effect The Simpsons setting. How does Bart handle this? He'd initially he happy about not having to go to school, but then he finally understands what it's like to go without food, water, clean clothes, privacy, etc. How does Bart deal with this? Does he grow stronger, wiser, more mature? Does he become compassionate? Is he scarred for life? What if Maggie and Lisa get separated from the rest of the family and each other? What if Homer get's injured and is temporarily disabled?

Remember when Mr. Burns made a giant disc to block Springfield off from the sun? How crazy was that? When was the last time you did something so creative or surreal? What if a new restaurant opened up and  the owner begins deliberately poisoning everyone just because he's a sick wacko? Which characters can we still learn more about? What are some character combinations we've never seen before? What if Seymour Skinner, Mr. Burns, and The Comic Book Guy discover E.T.s together? Paranormal stuff is the new Magic in our society. What if grandpa Simpson dies and is brought back to life by mad science?

How about inserting new, permanent change? How about some story arcs? Maybe the kids should finally get promoted in school? What if Lisa breaks her nose and gets an embarrassing, disfiguring bump in the bridge which she has to live with for the rest of her life? In a forgotten series called Mission Hill, Andy was supposed to get a new job every 14 or so episodes. Maybe Homer should finally get  fired from the nuclear plant for good and have to go on a permanent series of job transitions. What would that be like for Homer? Would he be able to tell his family? If so, how many episodes would he hide it? Who finds out and when? How does his family react? Does Marge have to get a job and also have to begin a series of job transitions? This reflects the state of our economy and country. Tell the story of how Abe Simpson is getting by in our economy. What is is like for people living in his position?

Tell some stories, please. If not, I'm sure there's a few prospective TV writers who would appreciate a turn. Take a page from the book of Kevin Smith who has given up movie making because he lost his creative passion, because that's the time to do so. How about we try creating a brand new American classic?

Disney Owns Star Wars?!

oh god

kingdom hearts will have star wars stuff now

star wars and final fantasy

luke skywalker and cloud strife

dude

i don't know if that's stupid or awesome

 

except Square Enix sucks.

Nothing to Say: Intorversion is Not a Choice

I have nothing to say to people. I'm genuinely not interested in most of what people have to talk about. Pop Culture is as appealing to me as a pile of dirt. At least I can play in a pile of dirt. Movies, music, TV, books, sports, politics, religion, cars, gaming - blegh. Take no offense but I'm also not interested in peoples personal lives. I don't have much going on in mine. Small talk is also challenging for me. When you're done with the weather, the holidays, and favorite foods, what then?

I live in my head. Have you ever heard anyone say that before? I just googled it and the top result is www.depressionhaven.org. I'm not depressed. I've got the normal level of human anxiety, that's it. I'm generally happy. It's pretty cozy and snug in my head. I also don't like to let people inside. There's nothing shameful going on in there, I'd just rather not talk about my fantasies as a super villain because I like to play things close to the vest.

When I think about making friends and/or finding prospective girlfriends, it occurs to me that the like-minded people I'd be suited to are doing exactly what I' doing: Daydreaming indoors. That's where we all are and I'll never meet any of them because the probability that we happen to be out at the same place at the same time is astronautical. If we make eye contact and start talking we won't have anything to say. Then we'll go our separate ways. The end.

What I need is a label I and others like me can identify as. Something that can't be hijacked like nerd or geek has been. "Hi, I'm Josh. I'm a passive, creative, intelligent introvert" doesn't really do it and when I say introvert I mean it. I don't like people. I'm not a misanthrope, but I don't seek people's company or enjoy social gatherings. In fact I generally see these things as an interruption. As a human, I'm still a creature who needs to socialize, but I like it on a much smaller scale. Intimate comes to mind.

 Click here for a very good explanation on introversion. Click here for a short, comprehensive list.