Review: Tales of Phantasia

For years and years, if you'd asked me what I think about the Tales series, I would have said "it's a series of some popularity." Tales Of games are JPRGS that have a hack'n slash style gameplay resembling a simplistic tournament fighter and they're usually very fun. The stories and characters are typical of anime however, so I'm actually pessimistic about this series on the whole. The box art for the games is also pretty juvenile and does little to invoke the fantasy genre.

Tales of Phantasia is a game I've been trying to beat for over 5 years. I long considered this game to be an excellent starting point for the series and it's only great game, establishing tones and themes that later installments would fail to reproduce. Today I finally beat it and now I am disillusioned about whether there ever was an RPG plot that ever made any sense. The villain is Dhaos. They introduce him as this evil wizard jerk from the first screen. They build him up as this monstrous world threat the entire game. About halfway through, the characters begin contemplating his motives as they realize they don't understand him.

This doubt by our heroes about whether its right to save the world from wizard Hitler is actually pretty interesting. It's also pretty out of the blue, though. They don't get to think about it too much. They later ask a god or spirit about it and rather than be helpful, this spirit insults us by telling us we couldn't even comprehend Dhaos, implying we're too stupid or lowly as creatures. For years, this scene intrigued me. It hinted that the plot was secretly more complex than it appeared. After finishing the game, you reevaluate this scene for what it is, unfortunately. It shows that the gods in this setting are amoral and indifferent. I think it's unintentional on the writer's part because the plot had to be forced.

What stopped me from completing this game was hardware issues over and over. One example is when my PSP broke. Anyway, after getting to the end, I was mostly exhausted. The battles get tedious and annoying. After 35+ hours, they resort to giving enemies too much HP and making them cast spells way too much. One of the few flaws with the gameplay is how spells effectively pause the live battles. When a lot of spellcasting takes place, there are massive interruptions and the camera pans around so fast you miss stuff. Also, the dungeons and puzzles are just frustrating. They're not satisfying to solve. In fact, after solving them you just want to throat punch a game designer. Good thing I'm about to get a list of some game designers.

I get to Dhoas at last! The heroes square off with the guy, then my healer steps forward and says "hey, um, can we talk this out?" Marvelous! When was the last time I played a video game where that happened? Except this time, I really wanted some answers. Do I finally get any fucking answers, game? "NO!" says the game. In fact, Dhaos is a total dick! "I killed ppl but I don't care lolz!" he says. So we fight. I found a bug on my second try where I swear I KO Dhaos in one regular attack. Not sure how it happened though. Then he transforms into his stock, and I do mean stock, JRPG Final Villain Form #2. The trick to this form is he can't be hit when the lights go out which is most of the time, and you have to hide in the corner and wait till the lights come on and spam your attacks like a coward. Lame. Epic final showdown and I'm waiting behind the villain's back while my mages spellcast at his face. So proud!

Finally, Dhaos lies dying at my feet and I say to myself "answers are for losers I finally killed you, shithead!" Dhaos finally explains his motives. The explanation is actually very succinct and that is great! I don't think the game designers realized that they made a booboo here see, Dhaos is a space alien. He came to this planet to make something that he could use to save his own planet. Now that he's dead, his whole planet is screwed and now our heroes are left blaming themselves! What nonsense. This moron was such a dumb bastard about his approach to his mission that it's his own damn fault for failing. He arrives and starts waging wars building floating evil castles using mind control on ninjas and killing scientists but from his perspective he's actually a fucking good guy? Get fucked Namco.

Depression is a Bitch

When I was a kid I used to play legos, video games, watch TV, and for no reason I would feel really really sad all the sudden and I would just go to sleep even in the middle of the day. I didn't want to do anything ever. It was scary. My mom told me it was going to be like that till I got married and that I was gonna need to learn to deal with it. I learned to force myself to do what I was supposed to do and to distract myself. My mom told me if I didn't the pain in my stomach would make a hole, an actual hole, and I was gonna need surgery. So I tried really hard to get my mind off reality. I learned that time makes things better and if I wait it out it gets better. That's been the best thing ever to help me.

There's Nothing Special About Psychic Powers

 How can you tell legitimate psychics apart from frauds? They have the same success rate and the same effects upon success. If any clever liar can replicate the effects of extraordinary or supernatural abilities, than there’s nothing special about psychics or their abilities. If you say you can levitate, I expect a loop-de-loop. 

What sort of god would create a world where psychics are relevant anyway? The pain of loss is universal and if it's intentionally imposed by someone then it's cruel. It's also cruel if a nature designed by any god would incorporate assured, permanent death and the ability to communicate with the dead is rare. At best it's wasteful that these people don't use their powers to gain a potentially near-infinite amount of wisdom from the departed; Martin Luther King Jr., Nicola Tesla, Einstein, etc. Instead, these people sell their powers at a high price, sometimes, to offer either comfort or the semblance of comfort to the grieving.

Once again I ask how you distinguish between a psychic and a liar. The reality is it's irrelevant because psychic powers, if real, are nothing special. They have as much relevance to society as graffiti, which is comparatively high brow next to the average psychic. Fine arts such as painting, music, and literature have a measurably more beneficial effect on the world by improving our culture. The sciences produce knowledge and technology that can give us longer lives and a higher quality of life. The dead can only tell us of the mundane. If you’re a psychic, I would argue that you’re not making any contribution to the world or your species.