Managing Expectations in TTRPGs - Discussing What We Do and Don't Like

When it comes to TTRPGs like D&D and Pathfinder (pronounced pat-h-fin-der), I think the trickiest part is managing expectations. That is to say that I have had a lot of personal experience with trying to run one kind of game, and players trying to play another kind of game, or vice versa if I'm a player. For me, it's very unsatisfying to tell players, "I'm running a game for heroic characters", and someone still brings a joke character, and someone else still brings a character of neutral alignment and needs some extra motivation to do anything. Ugh.

This article is my attempt to work out a way to manage these expectations. The first thing is to identify the motives, experiences, interests and influences of the participants. Some people's only exposure to fantasy might be Adventure Time. You might think I'm making that up, but I'm not! I have played with that guy. He didn't know any of the classic fantasy conventions and he played like it.

We're going to start with some useful vocabulary. Ask and discuss these questions:

• Influences or Interests: What movies, books, comics, video games, tv, etc. have you seen? that you like? What do you like about them?
• Disinterests: What do you dislike about TTRPGs, genres, literary conventions, etc. Some people are open to anything, some people aren't! For people with discerning tastes, this is as important.
• Experiences: Previous experiences with TTRPG(s). What did you like about them, what did you not like? Players may have learned some things that you would like them to unlearn.
• Motives: Why are you interested in TTRPGs? What about this hobby is fun for you? What makes you want to play a TTRPG?

My Interests: My favorite work of Fantasy might just be Kentaro Miura's Berserk. Let's discuss why. The art is badass. The dark themes are interesting. The scenarios are interesting. There's a sort of cosmic horror to it. Guts is just this regular guy who manages to become above average by sheer effort and a will to survive. He has an extraordinary tenacity for survival in the face of overwhelming odds. His opponents are often otherworldly and nightmarish in power and scale but they have such simple motives like eating people or avoiding boredom. He even earns their respect with his will and fortitude. What else? It's otherwise a low-magic, earth-like setting. The horror elements almost replace the fantastic elements, and I think that's really cool!

I also like Vampire Hunter D for some similar reasons, and because I think it's stylish as hell. In this setting, Vampires became the rulers of the earth. To the extent that the word noble became synonymous with vampire and few people use the word vampire. Humans are cattle. That's pretty dark. The titular character is D, and he's a Dhampir. That means he is a half human half vampire. Because of this, he's rejected by both humans and vampires. He's also secretly the most badass character in the setting. The question is what does he want and why? It seems to me that the author intends to leave these things up to interpretation or inference, but we are to come away believing that this is not a character with ordinary motivations.

Tim Burton's Sleepy Hallow was pretty fucking stylish too. In this movie, everyone's dressed in a period era outfit, there's only one monster and he's an absolute badass, no one understands the monster or magic, and the fantastic elements are not casually accepted by anyone. They're all as wild as if you went out for a walk and met an extra-terrestrial.

Generally, low fantasy settings or earth-like settings where the supernatural or extraordinary are rare and maybe even intrusive upon the ordinary world are interesting. Monsters are monsters! Magic is dangerous or even forbidden. The elements of the fantasy that make fantasy unique are kept low so that they when they are used, they have a greater effect, like a guy who never says curse words finally dropping an f-bomb. I also like the low fantasy, dark fantasy Campaign Diaries of Professor DM on the Dungeon Craft YouTube channel!

Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean is cool for similar reasons. The fantastic elements are presented as curses, and they present the supernatural as dangerous and mysterious. If you had to assign all the characters in that movie a D&D class, they would either be fighters or thieves (rogues). 

My Disinterests: You might think I don't actually like fantasy, and there might be something to that, but I don't like pure horror and I'm not into the horror TTRPGs because in those you play as a survivor or a victim. I do want to be a hero. Fantasy can be pretty @#$%^ nerdy. The way nerds use wizards, vampires, demons, and lycanthropes can be really cringy because they make it mundane and ordinary. Monsters aren't monsters anymore, they're just like cat people or something. And then there's people who think it's racist to kill monsters and take their stuff, and those people are just detrimental to the hobby. I don't like elves, dwarves, hobbits, and some of the other fantastic races that have become standard like Tieflings, half-orcs, and dragonborn (dragon people). These things make me feel like I'm watching the Muppets. I don't like that magic is common and ordinary, like a skill or an art that people can just pick up and learn. What's so special about magic if everyone can do it?

My Experiences: I have mostly played 5e D&D. It's pretty lame. There's furries. There's scalies. Goblins, bugbears, and other monsters are humanoids or goblinoids, and so they're treated like an exotic people. I don't like that. Demons from the Christian hell are not people. Even goblins should be monstrous. D&D makes me feel like I'm Eddie Valiant in Who Framed Roger Rabit. Tonally, it's lame. Players play these goofy characters, or they make characters who are kind of goofy conceptually but are intended to be played serious. It makes it difficult for me to care. I don't care about non-humans, and I don't care to humanize the non-humans. I'm hoping for something more serious, but this can't help but feel cartoonish. Besides that, the player characters get pretty powerful, and after a while they play like they know they are. Powerful player characters are antithetical to horror. I have played mostly in Faerun and Eberron, and slightly in Draconlance, Spelljammer, the Underdark, and Greyhawk; but I think 5e modernized it all made it all lame. It's casual and accessible and safe. Even the modern Ravenloft setting is kind of watered down and plebian. I also hate chaotic and evil player characters! They're dicks and they spoil someone's fun. I want PCs who can play as a damn team. And I don't want to be a villainous character, and I don't want to be a character who would particularly tolerate villainous companions or allies. But when you play D&D, this game permits evil and chaotic player characters, and so do most GMs, so I have to put up with it.

Motives: I have lost interest in tv, movies, comics, anime, and books because I think it used to be good, now it's not; but I still want to indulge in some narrative entertainment. I want an outlet for creativity, I want to socialize, and I want to play a game!

I think this was a particularly interesting exercise and I recommend you all do the same.

Here's what I learned about myself: I am not down for any game.

I want an earth-like or low fantasy, human-centric setting where magic and monsters are rare and dangerous. The line between fantasy and horror is blurred. Monsters are not people, they are monsters, and they are opposed to humanity. Magic-users are rare, maybe even feared and hated. Stakes are low, not epic. Characters are generally relatable; scenarios are generally plausible; environments are generally realistic. Your character is an ordinary or above average person. You are not great, but you can earn greatness. You have a chance to become a hero, and I want you to aspire to be, but if you become a villain, I take your PC and make them an NPC in my setting, and they become the property of the me, the GM. Don't do anything you wouldn't do in real life. Play your character like you care what happens to them. This is low, dark fantasy.

Managing Expectations in TTRPGs

Every time I've ever ran a TTRPG or been invited to play TTRPG, I have been disappointed by something, and I've dropped out of a few groups when it was bad enough. Managing expectations was a concern of mine from the very beginning. I think I've found the vocabulary that I need to describe concepts that GMs can and should use when inviting players to their game. These five items below should help you no matter what kind of game you're running. Explain these ideas to your players as early as possible.

1. Fiction Doesn't Mean Anything Goes

Have you ever told someone that their idea didn't make sense, and their response was something like "but it's [fiction / fantasy / sci-fi]" and the implications was that because something (the game) is fiction, anything should be permissible? Here's the counter argument. Just because something is [fiction / fantasy / sci-fi], that doesn't mean anything goes. Fantasy is fiction with fantastic stuff. In fiction, the limitations of the fantastic elements are established, and then the rest of the setting is assumed to be based in realism which we can all relate to. Note that realism here is not the same as trying to create a game or setting that simulates what is realistic. Note that the core rules do not say "disregard realism" or "default to realism", this is a ruling made by the GM; however, defaulting to realism as a rule of thumb is useful because it gives us a common understanding of how the world works where the rules of the game do not cover, and common understanding allows the GM to be fair and consistent in their rulings and helps the players to understand the limitations of what they can do and cannot do. This also has the benefit of simplifying the game.

2. Forget Everything You Know About X

Tell your players to forget everything they know about fantasy, sci-fi, horror, 5e, Faerun, Eberron, World of Warcraft, etc. Do not let them bring their knowledge or expectations about goblins or vampires or were-creatures or magic to your game. Tell them that in your setting, these things might work differently, and that by relying on their knowledge of other settings or pop culture can spoil the experience of your game for themselves. Tell them you expect them to figure things out through exploration, social interaction, and experience in play. Alternatively, this common knowledge can give us a starting point to understand a setting, and so you would want to provide them with a list of other fiction that has inspired your game like D&D's famous Appendix N. I personally do not like Tolkien's interpretation on elves, dwarves, and hobbits (halflings). 

3. Generic Setting vs Curated Setting

Tell your players that the GM is the curator of the setting. As curator, you decide what is appropriate for the setting and what is not. Tell your players whether you are running a generic fantasy setting that is a hodgepodge of fantasy's most popular ideas intended for mass appeal, or if you are running a game in a curated setting with select fantasy ideas intended for a niche audience. Even a kitchen sink setting can have a few restrictions for the sake of keeping the game simple to prep and run for the GM, and to create a more focused or cohesive experience for the players.

4. Don't Ruin the Mood

People go to see movies for the kind of movie it promises to be. An action movie that's just sad and doesn't have very much action would be disappointing. Now imagine going to see a horror move that has 15 minutes of good, uninterrupted comedy that breaks all the tension. Imagine going to comedy that has 15 minutes of uninterrupted violence and gore that leaves you feeling too disgusted to enjoy the rest of the humor. Some people think a TTRPG has room for everything, but for me, these are examples of ruining the mood. Tell your players to be considerate of the mood of a scene or situation, especially when the focus is on another player character. Tell your players the kind of mood or overall tone you want for your game. Do you want a game with a more serious tone like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars, or do you want a game with a whacky fun tone like a Marvels movie or even some cartoon. Tell your players to make a character who suits the tone of the game.

5. Compatible Playstyles

This is a response to the famous excuse "I'm just playing my character TM". Every player plays differently. Your playstyle describes more than what your fantastic race / background / class is, but also how you play it. Define how you want your players to play the game from the beginning. I want the players to have cooperative playstyles, but I find too often that there are players who have made characters who not cooperative. They make crazy, loner, mischievous, selfish, greedy, or violent characters. The intent may be innocent, but the effect is that their playstyle is incompatible with others' if not antagonistic. They inevitably complicate or ruin a scene or goal for another player and spoil the fun for them. The offending player provides the famous excuse TM, and they avoid taking responsibility or making changes to their playstyle. Don't give your players the opportunity to even make that character. At character creation, tell your players they need to make a character who can work as part of a team and play collaboratively. Suggest that the players all make characters who are morally compatible or who share the same beliefs, values, or goals.

There you go. These five rules should stop your players from making that chaotic neutral cyborg ninja turtle-kin from the future who multiclassed into batman and power rangers and who worships the god of math and speaks in the third person using a Jersey accent and he loves eating mustard by itself. As a bonus sixth tip, tell your players they need to make a likable character, and that is a concept itself that will have to be defined, but most importantly it means don't make an asshole or a dick.