It was happy until you spoke up.
As an adult, I hardly care for birthdays. Remember in the movie Kung Fu Panda when Po learned the secret ingredient in Secret Ingredient Soup? His "dad" tells him the secret ingredient is nothing. He explains that in order to make something special, you just have to think it's special. Some people think birthdays are special. Some people don't. I'm in the latter group. I doubt it has anything to do with my upbringing or my resentment of my own culture, I just don't think the yearly anniversary of my birth has any significance.
What else? I also don't like to celebrate "special" occasions either. If I could choose how I get to celebrate some special event, I would choose to celebrate by skipping the celebration. This includes everything from New Year's Day to New Year's Eve as well as graduations, weddings, miscellaneous anniversaries, baby showers, other people's birthdays, retirements, job promotions, the coming of age, "first somethings," whatever.
What might I actually be interested in celebrating then? Not even events that are significant to me or people who are special to me. Seriously. A friend of mine and I have agreed that we are not obligated to tend each others' weddings. I at least have a personality type where I generally find these sorts of things physically and mentally unpleasant. Additionally, I honestly do resent these things because of the obligation. Because of people and society, I have no choice. I'm made to feel bad if I get my way and do nothing.
Now, define celebration: Pizza, soda, and a movie while curled up with a good blanket on the couch, even though I might do that whenever I want anyway. I could treat myself to a little gift such as a new tool or clothes or shoes or a game or a book. I'm a person of simple needs.
Still want to get me a good birthday gift? Pretend it's not my birthday. I mean it. I just had a thought: I wonder how it would feel to celebrate my birthday 6 months later? Somehow, I think it would feel weird at first, but I could probably stomach it more. I appreciate things that are arbitrary.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Religion is Fake and Harmful
I think we should step away from religion. It's superstitious nonsense. Some values taught and held sacred by religion are archaic, absurd, and have been demonstrated to be harmful. Religion teaches people a mentality to accept ideas without thinking and to unjustly discriminate against others. People learn a narrow minded and short sighted perspective which they have been known to defend violently, and still protect aggressively. Religion impedes science and art, stifling the development of our collective cultures and hindering the progress of the human species. Ultimately, religion should be abandoned because it's conceivably fake.
The fact that there is more than one major world religion disproves them all. Consider this: Christianity holds itself to be the one, true religion. If this is true, than every other religion is false. Why then do these other religions exist and how can it be that some are as large and powerful as they are without a god? This definitively proves that religion doesn't need to be real to be successful. Religion - Christianity at least, is self-refuting.
The fact that there is more than one major world religion disproves them all. Consider this: Christianity holds itself to be the one, true religion. If this is true, than every other religion is false. Why then do these other religions exist and how can it be that some are as large and powerful as they are without a god? This definitively proves that religion doesn't need to be real to be successful. Religion - Christianity at least, is self-refuting.
Wrost RPG Class Ever!
I remember playing Final Fantasy 5 and having a pretty good time building my dream party. That game gave you a lot of room and a lot of options. Your characters are four blank slates that can be customized to fill any role. There were numerous classes with a wide variety of skills, strengths and weaknesses. The concept got much better in Final Fantasy Tactics. The only problem was just how much busywork was involved. I was probably 10 hours into the game when it threw one of the cheapest RPG tricks at me: A mandatory boss with only one strategy!
Bullshit!I'mnotpreparedforthat!NowIhavetogogrindABPforanhour!Fuckme!
The game forced me to use the one job I chose to neglect: The Sorcerer class. This class is creative but entirely useless so they force you to use it this once and only once! It's a combination Knight and Black Mage class. It can't use magic and it can't wear heavy armor. What it does is it fortifies it's equipped weapon with black magic spells such as Fire, Fire 2, Fire 3, Poison, etc. which changes the effect of your normal attack.
Pretty neat, but that means you don't actually do anything for a whole round. The enemies stick around longer and you take more damage. That's the cost of this class's strength. The idea is you'll always be able to exploit an enemy's weakness for a lot less MP than a Black Mage. It's not worthwhile for random encounters, just bosses. Why? Because if you're going to roll up a fighter, you are much better off using the Bare Hands ability you easily learn from the Monk class until you collect the legendary weapons. You can clear just about any typical fight in 1 round, maybe 2, making MagicSword the slower, weaker strategy.
But it is a very interesting idea. I like it. If only they designed the game to better suit it. You'll notice in some FF games, the characters have built in classes and can't be customized, like 4,6, and 9. There was never a sorcerer class in any of those games and it's not an iconic class of FF. Some improvement I would suggest is an the ability to cast spells on your sword at the start of battle before actually taking a turn, like having initiative. Or, what if an alternate to casting spells on your sword for a long duration, you could just make one-time attacks with a spell in place. How about support abilities to make spell casting quicker or the ability to cast a spell without using a turn? An alternate could be doing a normal attack, then the spell is casted? How about an advanced ability to stack spells on your sword? How come the Sorcerer can't use black magic conventionally anyway?
How about designing a game around the class? Nah, whatever. I haven't played any more FF games after 10, but it's worth noting that the Sorcerer class didn't make it into another FF game.
Bullshit!I'mnotpreparedforthat!NowIhavetogogrindABPforanhour!Fuckme!
The game forced me to use the one job I chose to neglect: The Sorcerer class. This class is creative but entirely useless so they force you to use it this once and only once! It's a combination Knight and Black Mage class. It can't use magic and it can't wear heavy armor. What it does is it fortifies it's equipped weapon with black magic spells such as Fire, Fire 2, Fire 3, Poison, etc. which changes the effect of your normal attack.
Pretty neat, but that means you don't actually do anything for a whole round. The enemies stick around longer and you take more damage. That's the cost of this class's strength. The idea is you'll always be able to exploit an enemy's weakness for a lot less MP than a Black Mage. It's not worthwhile for random encounters, just bosses. Why? Because if you're going to roll up a fighter, you are much better off using the Bare Hands ability you easily learn from the Monk class until you collect the legendary weapons. You can clear just about any typical fight in 1 round, maybe 2, making MagicSword the slower, weaker strategy.
But it is a very interesting idea. I like it. If only they designed the game to better suit it. You'll notice in some FF games, the characters have built in classes and can't be customized, like 4,6, and 9. There was never a sorcerer class in any of those games and it's not an iconic class of FF. Some improvement I would suggest is an the ability to cast spells on your sword at the start of battle before actually taking a turn, like having initiative. Or, what if an alternate to casting spells on your sword for a long duration, you could just make one-time attacks with a spell in place. How about support abilities to make spell casting quicker or the ability to cast a spell without using a turn? An alternate could be doing a normal attack, then the spell is casted? How about an advanced ability to stack spells on your sword? How come the Sorcerer can't use black magic conventionally anyway?
How about designing a game around the class? Nah, whatever. I haven't played any more FF games after 10, but it's worth noting that the Sorcerer class didn't make it into another FF game.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
RPG Games: Guns v. Swords
No offense Spoony, but the gun is the stupidest RPG weapon ever and your brain is all clogged up with a sparkling blue buildup of benign nerd rage gunk and rainbow, glittering crazy goo. Love your stuff, btw. The number one rule of RPGs is the hero always uses a sword. If the RPG in question has no swords, it's not an RPG. No exceptions. In fact, if the supposed RPG has no swords, it doesn't technically exist. I know because I watch "Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman."
To reiterate, the gun is a stupid RPG weapon. How is it that my characters who use guns can do more damage because they level up and gain strength points? It doesn't make any sense unless they throw the bullets; probably flick them, in fact. Guns don't improve because you hit the gym. In a fantasy setting with monsters the size of a house, it only sensible to bring a sword the exact size and shape of the front door. Only a complete moron would bring a gun to a giant monster fight. If Luke Skywalker defeated the Rancor with a blaster, you'd shout "Fuck you too, movie!"
If you think about it, Vincent, Irvine, and Sazh, are the worst characters in any RPG ever. They're down right lazy. Even Aeris brought a magic battle staff and jumped in. Vincent just sort of hangs out in the back and even practices his little gun twirl while Sephiroth perversely skewered the poor girl. Irvine is just as bad. He and Sahz like to work on their performance trick shots while the party does actual work. At least Barret was creative enough to invent the cyber gun-arm and he'd even occasionally strap on a giant pair of atomic powered scissors or a chainsaw.
Face it, if you're in a party with people wielding a magic sword, a magic wand, and a magic bow with magic arrows, and you're the git bringing the gun, get the fuck out. A bullet from a gun you can bring to fight a giant monster with armored hide is as useful as a bee sting if the bee has no venom. Your gun better fire poison or turpentine darts if you except to be useful. I'm just saying when it comes to the fantasy setting, any fantasy at all, you can pack heat, but don't bitch to me when the evil wizards and fire breathing dragons nuke your sorry corpse because you put all your skill points into jacking off. Shithead.
Did anyone really bother to understand how the SeeD special forces soldier actually rolls? Your weapon is more like a fancy utility knife in case the sorceress catches you in between casting fuck off spells and summoning teh devil. Seriously, why carry a gun when you can Bolt 3 a guy? Unlike a gun, magic never misses or fails to do max damage. You can even successfully fry a whole group of sharpshooters with a wave of your hand. Only rarely do you encounter foes who eat magic, and that's really what the gunblade is for because those kinds of monsters take hits like small woodland creatures.
Three words: Ammo and Fuck you. U.S. soldiers carry field packs weighting 75lbs - 150lbs. You can't get away with that crap in fantasy. Uh uh. We need as much inventory space for all the piles of gold and treasure, you selfish asshole. Ditch the gun and trunk of ammo and carry your weight, dammit! I'm making a new rule: If we have to forfeit any loot because your stupid ass can't fence, we get your sister. Eat shit.
To reiterate, the gun is a stupid RPG weapon. How is it that my characters who use guns can do more damage because they level up and gain strength points? It doesn't make any sense unless they throw the bullets; probably flick them, in fact. Guns don't improve because you hit the gym. In a fantasy setting with monsters the size of a house, it only sensible to bring a sword the exact size and shape of the front door. Only a complete moron would bring a gun to a giant monster fight. If Luke Skywalker defeated the Rancor with a blaster, you'd shout "Fuck you too, movie!"
If you think about it, Vincent, Irvine, and Sazh, are the worst characters in any RPG ever. They're down right lazy. Even Aeris brought a magic battle staff and jumped in. Vincent just sort of hangs out in the back and even practices his little gun twirl while Sephiroth perversely skewered the poor girl. Irvine is just as bad. He and Sahz like to work on their performance trick shots while the party does actual work. At least Barret was creative enough to invent the cyber gun-arm and he'd even occasionally strap on a giant pair of atomic powered scissors or a chainsaw.
Face it, if you're in a party with people wielding a magic sword, a magic wand, and a magic bow with magic arrows, and you're the git bringing the gun, get the fuck out. A bullet from a gun you can bring to fight a giant monster with armored hide is as useful as a bee sting if the bee has no venom. Your gun better fire poison or turpentine darts if you except to be useful. I'm just saying when it comes to the fantasy setting, any fantasy at all, you can pack heat, but don't bitch to me when the evil wizards and fire breathing dragons nuke your sorry corpse because you put all your skill points into jacking off. Shithead.
Did anyone really bother to understand how the SeeD special forces soldier actually rolls? Your weapon is more like a fancy utility knife in case the sorceress catches you in between casting fuck off spells and summoning teh devil. Seriously, why carry a gun when you can Bolt 3 a guy? Unlike a gun, magic never misses or fails to do max damage. You can even successfully fry a whole group of sharpshooters with a wave of your hand. Only rarely do you encounter foes who eat magic, and that's really what the gunblade is for because those kinds of monsters take hits like small woodland creatures.
Three words: Ammo and Fuck you. U.S. soldiers carry field packs weighting 75lbs - 150lbs. You can't get away with that crap in fantasy. Uh uh. We need as much inventory space for all the piles of gold and treasure, you selfish asshole. Ditch the gun and trunk of ammo and carry your weight, dammit! I'm making a new rule: If we have to forfeit any loot because your stupid ass can't fence, we get your sister. Eat shit.
The Simpsons Sucks Because of Dispassionate Writers
I watched a new episode of The Simpsons (a 2010? a 2012?) last night. I have never seen this episode before, but I'm sure I've seen at least 2 other episodes exactly like it. The plot was: Homer disappoints Lisa who rejects him, so Homer has to redeem himself. Didn't they do this in an episode involving a museum and another episode involving Lisa's Saxophone? Of all the episodes that did this story idea, this episode did it the laziest. The writers just didn't care to tell a story. The conflict was established too late, and the conclusion came too easily. I imagine some writer just had a lot of ideas for jokes and built a story around it. In fact, for the first half of the episode, Homer had his own story which had no plot of its own and was irrelevant to the main story wherein he helped people to breakup with their boy/girl friends.
I'm actually very good at calming my busy mind and getting to sleep at night, but last night I couldn't help myself. Here is the solution to The Simpsons' sucking.
STORY, STORY, STORY (or fire ALL the current writing staff and/or whoever is in charge!). What is needed is a new spark of passion for the series.
It's all about the story. Even in comedy, the humor should take a backseat to the story. People will only care about a interesting character with nothing going on for so long before losing interest. You need to write good stories again. That's what made The Simpsons so damn good to begin with. At this point, The Simpsons are as bad as M. Knight Shyamalan who is still pathetically coasting on "...from the creator of The Sixth Sense." The Simpsons was conceived to satirize the traditional American family. How about changing to reflect the changes in our culture? Now that the you've already satirized the traditional American family, now let's satirize something else.
How about satirizing what it's like to be a middle class American family in a slowly deteriorating culture?
It's one thing to make jokes about how little Americans care about disaster victims, but how about actually trying to make your audience empathize with disaster victims? What if a volcano sprouted out of the ground in Springfield. No, it doesn't have to be reasonable or permanently effect The Simpsons setting. How does Bart handle this? He'd initially he happy about not having to go to school, but then he finally understands what it's like to go without food, water, clean clothes, privacy, etc. How does Bart deal with this? Does he grow stronger, wiser, more mature? Does he become compassionate? Is he scarred for life? What if Maggie and Lisa get separated from the rest of the family and each other? What if Homer get's injured and is temporarily disabled?
Remember when Mr. Burns made a giant disc to block Springfield off from the sun? How crazy was that? When was the last time you did something so creative or surreal? What if a new restaurant opened up and the owner begins deliberately poisoning everyone just because he's a sick wacko? Which characters can we still learn more about? What are some character combinations we've never seen before? What if Seymour Skinner, Mr. Burns, and The Comic Book Guy discover E.T.s together? Paranormal stuff is the new Magic in our society. What if grandpa Simpson dies and is brought back to life by mad science?
How about inserting new, permanent change? How about some story arcs? Maybe the kids should finally get promoted in school? What if Lisa breaks her nose and gets an embarrassing, disfiguring bump in the bridge which she has to live with for the rest of her life? In a forgotten series called Mission Hill, Andy was supposed to get a new job every 14 or so episodes. Maybe Homer should finally get fired from the nuclear plant for good and have to go on a permanent series of job transitions. What would that be like for Homer? Would he be able to tell his family? If so, how many episodes would he hide it? Who finds out and when? How does his family react? Does Marge have to get a job and also have to begin a series of job transitions? This reflects the state of our economy and country. Tell the story of how Abe Simpson is getting by in our economy. What is is like for people living in his position?
Tell some stories, please. If not, I'm sure there's a few prospective TV writers who would appreciate a turn. Take a page from the book of Kevin Smith who has given up movie making because he lost his creative passion, because that's the time to do so. How about we try creating a brand new American classic?
I'm actually very good at calming my busy mind and getting to sleep at night, but last night I couldn't help myself. Here is the solution to The Simpsons' sucking.
STORY, STORY, STORY (or fire ALL the current writing staff and/or whoever is in charge!). What is needed is a new spark of passion for the series.
It's all about the story. Even in comedy, the humor should take a backseat to the story. People will only care about a interesting character with nothing going on for so long before losing interest. You need to write good stories again. That's what made The Simpsons so damn good to begin with. At this point, The Simpsons are as bad as M. Knight Shyamalan who is still pathetically coasting on "...from the creator of The Sixth Sense." The Simpsons was conceived to satirize the traditional American family. How about changing to reflect the changes in our culture? Now that the you've already satirized the traditional American family, now let's satirize something else.
How about satirizing what it's like to be a middle class American family in a slowly deteriorating culture?
It's one thing to make jokes about how little Americans care about disaster victims, but how about actually trying to make your audience empathize with disaster victims? What if a volcano sprouted out of the ground in Springfield. No, it doesn't have to be reasonable or permanently effect The Simpsons setting. How does Bart handle this? He'd initially he happy about not having to go to school, but then he finally understands what it's like to go without food, water, clean clothes, privacy, etc. How does Bart deal with this? Does he grow stronger, wiser, more mature? Does he become compassionate? Is he scarred for life? What if Maggie and Lisa get separated from the rest of the family and each other? What if Homer get's injured and is temporarily disabled?
Remember when Mr. Burns made a giant disc to block Springfield off from the sun? How crazy was that? When was the last time you did something so creative or surreal? What if a new restaurant opened up and the owner begins deliberately poisoning everyone just because he's a sick wacko? Which characters can we still learn more about? What are some character combinations we've never seen before? What if Seymour Skinner, Mr. Burns, and The Comic Book Guy discover E.T.s together? Paranormal stuff is the new Magic in our society. What if grandpa Simpson dies and is brought back to life by mad science?
How about inserting new, permanent change? How about some story arcs? Maybe the kids should finally get promoted in school? What if Lisa breaks her nose and gets an embarrassing, disfiguring bump in the bridge which she has to live with for the rest of her life? In a forgotten series called Mission Hill, Andy was supposed to get a new job every 14 or so episodes. Maybe Homer should finally get fired from the nuclear plant for good and have to go on a permanent series of job transitions. What would that be like for Homer? Would he be able to tell his family? If so, how many episodes would he hide it? Who finds out and when? How does his family react? Does Marge have to get a job and also have to begin a series of job transitions? This reflects the state of our economy and country. Tell the story of how Abe Simpson is getting by in our economy. What is is like for people living in his position?
Tell some stories, please. If not, I'm sure there's a few prospective TV writers who would appreciate a turn. Take a page from the book of Kevin Smith who has given up movie making because he lost his creative passion, because that's the time to do so. How about we try creating a brand new American classic?
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Disney Owns Star Wars?!
oh god
kingdom hearts will have star wars stuff now
star wars and final fantasy
luke skywalker and cloud strife
dude
i don't know if that's stupid or awesome
except Square Enix sucks.
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