What is the goal of humanity? All this work, all this discovery, all this strife, what is it for? I figured it out in the fifth grade.
The goal of all this hard work is to get to a point where there won't be any more. What we do after that is irrelevant. For the meantime, the point is that all of our efforts are all for the ultimate goal of being able to do whatever the hell we want to do, and not having to do anything we don't ever want to do. Put simply, after we achieve utopia we'll be able to sit on our ass all day and do absolutelty nothing if that is our wish.
That's why whenever others criticize lazy people I praise them under my breath for you see they are 10,000 years ahead of the rest of us - they have already achieved the ultimate goal of humanity.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Utopia: Childcare
Who the hell wants to raise kids? Kids suck. In fact, there are 3 reasons why going to school ultimately sucked:
1.) You have to wake up early.
2.) You have to get dressed for the day. Screw that, I wanna wear my jammies and my bedhead all day. I'm a kid dammit! It's not important to learn to get ready for the day, yet.
3.) School is full of other kids, which as I've already established, suck!
I envision in a perfect society, child raising is completely socialized and possibly handled by robots. First off, if you think your genes are worth passing on, you have to go through a qualification process. After that, you make your donation. Fetuses are grown under controlled conditions. Finally, the children will be raised in a microcity, separated from the adults. The microcity will be a micro-version of our full size utopia with special construction considered for their scaled down bodies.
Care will be provided by their iPod25s which will fly around and closely supervise them all day.
When the children are adults, you let them out into the real city.
1.) You have to wake up early.
2.) You have to get dressed for the day. Screw that, I wanna wear my jammies and my bedhead all day. I'm a kid dammit! It's not important to learn to get ready for the day, yet.
3.) School is full of other kids, which as I've already established, suck!
I envision in a perfect society, child raising is completely socialized and possibly handled by robots. First off, if you think your genes are worth passing on, you have to go through a qualification process. After that, you make your donation. Fetuses are grown under controlled conditions. Finally, the children will be raised in a microcity, separated from the adults. The microcity will be a micro-version of our full size utopia with special construction considered for their scaled down bodies.
Care will be provided by their iPod25s which will fly around and closely supervise them all day.
When the children are adults, you let them out into the real city.
New Form of Psychological Abuse: Ear Bending
I once read an article in an academic journal that said that people who talk too much have [psychological/emotional; insert appropriate] issues. Now, I don't remember the title of the article, the name of the author or journal, but I'll still sum up the point it made. Basically, people who talk too much are unfulfilled in or unsatisfied with life, so they seek out others attention and bend their ear so they can feel something. Also, if you wanted to bring this to their attention, the situation should be handled carefully.
Now, I don't know about you, but I have one of these people in my life and I'd just as soon live on the streets to get away from him. I have actually considered it! It can take him 10 minutes to explain to you that he went out for a bike ride yesterday, that he enjoyed it, and that he felt good afterwards. And you know what else, he'll tell me about it every day because guess what, he bikes everyday. Goddamit I hate that!
Motherfucker has nothing worth talking about at all because he does nothing fun or worthwhile with his time, so he talks about the same, trivial, pointless bullshit day in and day out. He strains to get every insignificant detail accurate and none of it is relevant to the point: You got some exercise again! Pound sand, idiot!
So here's how this is harmful.
1.) No one likes him.
He has no friends. He has co-workers and family, but no friends. I'm not too confident his family likes him either. Also, he's convinced his co-workers count as friends. But people aren't your friends just because you talk to them every day and you work together. People are your friends when you go see movies together, eat together, have a drink together, spend SuperBowl Sunday together, share intimate stories and dirty jokes with each other, play games, etc.
2) People are happy when he leaves the building.
We really turn into different people when he's not around. Also, it takes him an hour to get out the door because he always finds some poor soul to give the Daily Joe-Update.
3) People avoid him
People don't look forward to certain parts of the day because they know this person will be there, so they take detours or hide in closets or find an excuse to leave or even ditch him. This means people feel they can't trust him with the truth that he sucks. That's a definite sign that your relationship is based on bullshit.
4) People won't trust him
I find that if I ever need help with something, I'll sooner resolve it myself at the price of greater difficulty and more time than go to this guy for help because he is that bad. Maybe it's a plumbing problem and this guy happens be a former plumber? Fuck it, I'll just google it. I would sooner endanger myself than extend an offering to this man to come into my life.
5) If he manages to get you in a conversation, you're stuck
This is the biggest part of the problem. These people will follow you into the bathroom so they can finish their story. Your privacy has less weight to them. There is no polite way to excuse yourself from the conversation. Not a one. He can't take a hint. None of these people can. You're literally trapped and you feel like a rat in a cage. Your wishes are being dismissed. Your feelings are being ignored. Your thoughts don't count. It's not that this person is simply a bore, it's that talking to this person feels like being subjugated.
Part of the problem is he's oblivious, but sometimes you wonder if he really is. And when you try to tell this guy that you have shit to do, he asks what it is so he can judge for himself whether it's more important than him getting to talk your ear off. Fuck you, mister. By the by, I have high blood pressure and I attribute it to the stress of enduring this treatment.
The way this person insists on finishing a story has the unintentional but very real subtext of "Fuck you! I don't give a shit what you think or how you feel, when I want to talk, you fucking listen!" I should have the right to free myself from any situation I don't want to be a part of, goddammit! But I know from experience that you can do and say the most outrageous things to these people to put a bad taste in their mouth and keep them away, but it doesn't work. Currently, I've modified my entire life around this person's comings and goings, so technically he's not a part of my life anymore.
I submit this testament to anyone in the field of psychology, and I ask that you conduct whatever experiments and gather whatever research you need to make this a widely acknowledged and legally recognized form of psychological abuse, because it is, and help all the people like me who are being unintentionally mistreated to get out.
Now, I don't know about you, but I have one of these people in my life and I'd just as soon live on the streets to get away from him. I have actually considered it! It can take him 10 minutes to explain to you that he went out for a bike ride yesterday, that he enjoyed it, and that he felt good afterwards. And you know what else, he'll tell me about it every day because guess what, he bikes everyday. Goddamit I hate that!
Motherfucker has nothing worth talking about at all because he does nothing fun or worthwhile with his time, so he talks about the same, trivial, pointless bullshit day in and day out. He strains to get every insignificant detail accurate and none of it is relevant to the point: You got some exercise again! Pound sand, idiot!
So here's how this is harmful.
1.) No one likes him.
He has no friends. He has co-workers and family, but no friends. I'm not too confident his family likes him either. Also, he's convinced his co-workers count as friends. But people aren't your friends just because you talk to them every day and you work together. People are your friends when you go see movies together, eat together, have a drink together, spend SuperBowl Sunday together, share intimate stories and dirty jokes with each other, play games, etc.
2) People are happy when he leaves the building.
We really turn into different people when he's not around. Also, it takes him an hour to get out the door because he always finds some poor soul to give the Daily Joe-Update.
3) People avoid him
People don't look forward to certain parts of the day because they know this person will be there, so they take detours or hide in closets or find an excuse to leave or even ditch him. This means people feel they can't trust him with the truth that he sucks. That's a definite sign that your relationship is based on bullshit.
4) People won't trust him
I find that if I ever need help with something, I'll sooner resolve it myself at the price of greater difficulty and more time than go to this guy for help because he is that bad. Maybe it's a plumbing problem and this guy happens be a former plumber? Fuck it, I'll just google it. I would sooner endanger myself than extend an offering to this man to come into my life.
5) If he manages to get you in a conversation, you're stuck
This is the biggest part of the problem. These people will follow you into the bathroom so they can finish their story. Your privacy has less weight to them. There is no polite way to excuse yourself from the conversation. Not a one. He can't take a hint. None of these people can. You're literally trapped and you feel like a rat in a cage. Your wishes are being dismissed. Your feelings are being ignored. Your thoughts don't count. It's not that this person is simply a bore, it's that talking to this person feels like being subjugated.
Part of the problem is he's oblivious, but sometimes you wonder if he really is. And when you try to tell this guy that you have shit to do, he asks what it is so he can judge for himself whether it's more important than him getting to talk your ear off. Fuck you, mister. By the by, I have high blood pressure and I attribute it to the stress of enduring this treatment.
The way this person insists on finishing a story has the unintentional but very real subtext of "Fuck you! I don't give a shit what you think or how you feel, when I want to talk, you fucking listen!" I should have the right to free myself from any situation I don't want to be a part of, goddammit! But I know from experience that you can do and say the most outrageous things to these people to put a bad taste in their mouth and keep them away, but it doesn't work. Currently, I've modified my entire life around this person's comings and goings, so technically he's not a part of my life anymore.
I submit this testament to anyone in the field of psychology, and I ask that you conduct whatever experiments and gather whatever research you need to make this a widely acknowledged and legally recognized form of psychological abuse, because it is, and help all the people like me who are being unintentionally mistreated to get out.
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