Men in Black International Review

Pros: a really pretty movie.

Cons: a clear cash grab.

You can tell when a movie was written for the sake of being written versus a movie that was written because someone had a story to tell, and this movie is a good example of the former. The result is a middle of the road movie that is neither good nor bad and leaves you with a sense that the creators didn't try to create art, just a product.

The main character, Molly / Agent M, is plain, sterile, and cute. Everything comes to her without much conflict and by the end nothing feels earned. She doesn't even feel like a protagonist, Agent H does; More on him later. Agent M feels more like a side-kick and is just kind of there. Her role is like a modern, one-dimensional video game protagonist; she has immediate, clear, tangible goals and only a vague and generic long term goal of wanting to know what's out there. The obstacles, if you can call them that, are completely external. She has no weaknesses to overcome and has no change over time. Her character's only learned lesson is that she want's to find love after previously being uninterested which is sort of set up but executed meakly. Bah. There's no tension, no conflict, no suspense. In other words, she's boring. The story isn't even about her anymore once H is introduced. M is plot adjacent.

Agent H is famous among MIB as someone who saved the world. Now he's an arrogant, obnoxious jackass and his story is set up as the come-back story of a has-been if not a redemption story. This redemption story falls apart at the end when he realizes he was actually neuralized and is not actually a jackass. It was a twist you could have seen coming. I admit that I didn't predict it because there was no foreseeable possibility of a satisfactory pay off. It was disappointing to watch this conflict resolve itself so conveniently. "It's Ok H, you're not really a complex flawed character, you were just neuralized and given a crappy memory." Also, the plot about his father figure, Agent T, is handled very unsatisfactory. If T was so important to Agent H, how did H get over his death so fast? This is a missed opportunity to show how human connection is so rare and valuable for MIB agents, which they actually phone in at the end. H skips his stages of grief and goes to acceptance pretty quick. H seemed more upset by the death of the character Fungus.

Fungus was not important in retrospect. He wasn't funny either, but he did have a decent death scene with unnecessarily vague, foreboding last words.

All the villains ranged from sucked to unimpressive. There were some creepy twins who has some kind of cosmic stellar form where they were indestructible and they could manipulate matter like God. It turns out they weren't actually the villains, they were just really bad at asking for help. Their entire conflict should have been resolved if they just asked help from MIB instead of killing people. Then, some other alien crime boss who datedbAgent H in his backstory who seemed interesting at first. She had a lot of build up and a good reveal. The actesss did a damn good job playing the part and I had hopes for the character by now, but her part in the story was over too quick and she really contributed nothing but a momenetary change in tone. The final villain was a monster with an association to some cosmic bad guy like Star Trek's Borg. He had no name, no specific goal, no personality, no presence or threat until the very end, and was defeated spectacularly by the mcguffin of the movie, a gun powered by a star. This gun was so much a mcguffin that it didn't even have a name much less an explanation for being there,  who wanted it or why.

There's almost no emotional weight to anything. They introduce an alien in the beginning who meets Molly as a girl. She says bye to it as it escapes her bedroom window and avoids MIB capture. Years later, we meet this alien again and it comically has loyalty to Molly over the crime lord whom he works for, allowing the agents to walk away from a dangerous confrontation with their prize in hand no thanks to their own skill or ability. Job well done. Luck and more luck. They escaped death because of an acquaintance with their killer. If that isn't a trope, it should be. It's like this movie can't decide if it wants to be a comedy or an action movie.

One major complaint I have is the flying alien motorcycle chase scene. H and M fly though a city on alien tech and it's actually not that exciting. The consequences are also ignored by the story: The truth about aliens exposed to hundreds. Exposure should be a big deal to MIB. This is an example of the movie forgetting it's own rules or not caring, or relying on the audience to either not notice or care. This could have been handled any other way. The agents could have found a teleport pod that malfuctioned and stranded them in a desert. They clearly just wanted a chase scene, which was unsatisfactory in and of itself. I think it's indicative of the motives for this movie: we just wanted to make a movie with cool, fun stuff in it. Good job, no tension was added by including a motorcycle in this chase except for the exposure of alien tech to the world that was completely ignored except for two wild flashes from a single nueralizer on just one small crowd. I don't care to see a movie that doesn't take itself seriously enough. Don't leave loose ends like this. I want to see a good, satisfying story with build up, tension, and release, not unnecessary motorcycle chases that cause more problems then they solve.

Also, why do probationary agents not get issued their own Neuralizer? Probationary agents have to flashy thing people too!

There is a supporting character named Pawny. I didn't have a problem with him but I didn't love him. If there is a Pawny spin off, I will pass. Agent C was wasted potential. He filled the role of an antagonist and foil to Agent H. H was an irresponsible, spoiled shit, C was the like his jealous, responsible, underappreciated brother who just wanted be to treated fairly by daddy, Agent T. C could have been more developed. He tried to have H arrested and had a confrontation with a corrupt authority figure. That sounds like important stuff yet I have no emotional investment in this character and neither does the plot.

MIB is now run by High T, formerly Agent T I suppose. I like T because he's played by Liam Nesson. I don't like T because he says the most inane thing ever which gets repeated multiple times and becomes that line you say at the ending when all the pieces of the plot conveniently fall into place. The thing he says is something like "the universe has a way of putting you exactly where you need to be right when you need to be there." I have two complaints. First, T dies. Womp womp. Hell of an ironic thing for a dead man to say. Second, this is an inappropriately pseudo-spiritual mumbo jumbo-y thing to say for a sci-fi movie with no attempted explanation. I found it distracting and lame for both those reasons. If I was offered this role, I would pass just because of this line.

FFV: Ghido's Cave Puzzel Solution

Because let's face it, it's an easy puzzle, but it's also annoying as fuck to have to figure out what to do every time.

Hero's Journey Simplified

Once upon a time, I wrote a plot for an RPG maker game. I used the Monomyth / Hero's Journey structure and it was fantastic; pun intended. My problem with the structure is that the words chosen for the parts are not self-explanatory because they were written by a smart guy from another time period, so I re-wrote them and am now providing my own simplified version of Campbell's explanation of the Monomyth.


DEPARTURE
The departure is basically the introduction of the story. We have exposition and an inciting incident.

1a. Call to Adventure
The protagonist is given something to do somehow.

1b. Refusal?
This part is optional, but sometimes a hero can't or won't begin their own adventure. Got shit to do here, son! Maybe you can join the Jedi School for Extraordinary Witches and Wizards next year.

2. Mentor
There's usually someone who helps the hero get started, like a teacher. Think of the wise old man trope. It could even be some asshole they just met who says one inspiring sentence. NOTE: Mentors are optional.

3. Beginning the Quest
The hero actually starts their quest and is committed to it.

NOTE: 2 and 3 can be in reversed order.

4. Fish Out of Water
The hero is in a new setting or role that is completely new to them and they have so much to learn!

INITIATION
This is the Rising Action and Climax part of the story.

5-8. Tests and Challenges (x3)
The hero is tested. Some tests are failed (mandatory)! People fail, dammit! If your character doesn't fail at anything, you wrote a boring character! I numbered this one as 5-8 because there's a rule about trials that come in threes. Three is a good number. Humans like the number three.

9. Meeting with an Extraordinary Benefactor
The hero needs stuff to help them on their journey! They can't get everything on their own! Sometimes, they get really great stuff and sometimes it comes from an a person in a high place, like a king or a god or something.

10.Overcoming Distractions
Your hero has distractions, doubts, temptations or weaknesses that might make them quit their adventure when the end is in sight. This is when they confront those weaknesses and overcome them.

11. Final Boss/Ultimate Confrontation
This is the climax. Yes, already.

12. The Hero Grows Up
The hero has to change over the course of the story. The character who started out as an annoying amateur has finally completed their maturement into a cool saint or a badass something or another. This comes from learning something really important about life and growing the fuck up. Sometimes, there's one big lesson that brings it all together, and the hero has an epiphany.

Pro Tip: In most stories I can think of, Step 12 comes before Step 11. The hero has to level up to win, right? But Sometimes, the hero has an existential crisis now that the villain/other major problem is longer around to give them purpose.

11a or 12a. Reward for Achieving the Main Goal
Sometimes the reward for beating the bad guy is to beat the bad guy. Sometimes it's to get money though. This step is about what is gained or lost as a result of winning or losing the fight. When something is lost, the hero is left with the silver lining.

RETURN
This is the falling action and the Resolution or Denouement. It's a list of all the things to consider when ending your story.

13a. Refusal or Failure to Return?
Does the protagonist have doubts about going back to their old life or starting a new life?

13b. Dangerous Return
Sometimes, there's one last obstacle to get back home. For example, now that you've slain Dracula, his castle starts counting down before self-desctucting.

/13c. Returned by Helper
Sometimes, the hero has a conflict after the end which requires help from someone else. I can't think of any examples, but this is probably where the sub-plot would pay off.

14a. What Now?
What do you do after slaying god? What does a soldier do once they return to civilian life? What do you do after winning the lottery? This is something you may have to sort out.

14b. Self-Mastery
This is a step that you use to reinforce that your hero is in his final form.

14c. Peace of Mind Achieved
There are no happily ever afters, but your hero will not fear what comes next in life.

Not every step and order is mandatory.