King of America 2

New rule: Prison sentences are for violent criminals only.

Where do prisons come from? Does anyone know what a dungeon is? Once upon a time, if someone committed an infraction of the law, you threw them in the dungeon (if the stocks were too good for them). What else do you do with criminals? We should know better by now.

First off, prison ought to be for dangerous people only. If you are a real threat to the safety of innocent people, we need a place to put you. If you lie, cheat, steal, fraud, vandalize, or become a sex offender by mooning some VIPs, I'm not afraid of you.

Secondly, incarceration is expensive. In California, it's $50,000 of state budget to imprison someone for one year. If your system has laws against shoplifting and smoking grass, that kind of stupid is obscene. I'm not worried about keeping the kleptos in check if it's that expensive. My country is broke, dammit!

Third, prison conditions are abysmal. Prison is full of dangerous people and short on space. Everyone is familiar with the concepts of situational homosexuality, situational evil, prison shanks, and prison rape, right? I think modern prison counts as cruel and unusual punishment, and as King, I will not treat my citizens this way.

Finally, is prison an effectual option? Is prison the healthiest thing for an individual's physical and mental well being? Let's try some alternatives that might give a criminal time to reflect on their decisions while contributing, and without disrupting lives and families. I think a criminal's time would be better spent serving mandatory community service: Cleaning up trash, washing city property, planting trees, shoveling snow, collecting fall foliage, mowing grass, or even working with homeless or special needs people. We don't know what works unless we try.

I think prison as it is is archaic. Only violent people belong in prisons, just as only the criminally insane belong in asylums. There is a lot of room for improving society here. Bust a move, assholes.