Video Games Suck Now

How come all the kinds of games I want to play only come out on handhelds? Handhelds suck! I think the (only good?) idea behind the handheld device is to be able to play your games while you're away from home. Children can't afford them and don't really go anywhere. Adults don't buy them because they can afford consoles and wouldn't be caught dead in public with a handheld because you look like a loser.  Why does the video game industry hate the idea of producing a console game with graphics resembling older games?

I love a good RPG, but I haven't seen an RPG I liked in over 12 years. If an RPG were made that had a look resembling SNES games like Chrono Trigger or Super Mario RPG, or Playstation1 era games, I'd be interested. I'm positive this interest of mine is nothing esoteric. *Emulation and ROMs are still popular.

This doesn't mean I hate modern graphics. I have an analogy to help me give this idea some extra merit. To me, the difference between older gen games and new gen games is Theater vs. Movies. Theater is still a valid form of entertainment, storytelling, visuals and sounds. There's a different experience between going to see a play and going to see a movie. You'd be a real asshole to tell someone that plays are bullshit.

Now, here's a list of reasons why handhelds suck.

1. You can't get comfortable.
1. Seriously! Sitting? Forget about it! You'll hurt your back. You have to lay down on your side and roll over often. Your hands cramp and sweat. Some people have issues with eye strain.  
2. It's an inferior gaming device.
1.  I know it, you know it. I thought we didn't want to play games with graphics quality nearly 2 generations behind? Speakers tend to suck and who wants to rely on headphones?
3. It's extra money.
1. This is the biggest for me. I don't want to spend money on another, lesser device to play games when I can get a console instead.
4. It's unique abilities are rendered bullshit.
1. Portability: Like I said, you can't get comfortable. You won't feel any more comfortable assuming the position in public. Where else would you play video games anyway? Work? School? The park? the Beach? The mall? The library? You go to Home Depo to play Pokemon and Zelda, asshole? Also, you look like a loser. Seriously, what woman isn't attracted to that guy playing Mario on the train? You know what else? Handheld games are so weak that they're easily emulated. Why worry about this piddly device with it's dinky speakers and tiny screen  with it's energy needs when I can play the same game on a computer? Link Cable? Wifi? Consoles connect to other consoles through the internet now, too, bitch. Also, you have to carry it around. When your a **man, you have 2 pockets. One is for your wallet and the other is for your phone. 
5. Also, 3d is a stupid gimmick and I prefer buttons to touch screen. Dual Screens suck too.

*Actually, I can't back that up, but entities like Google probably can. Point is people still play old games.
 **Also, honor and a penis.

AVATAR: THE LEGEND OF KORRA

I really liked the first avatar series and there's a lot to like about the second avatar series, but I have mixed feelings. The protagonist is Korra. Let me take this opportunity to point out that there are few TV shows and movies with protagonists whole aren't white and male. Also, you don't see a who lot of breasts in American animation.

Most characters are great. The only characters I have problems with actually happen to be two of the main characters, Bolin and Mako (voiced by Bud Bundy!). They're brothers. Bolin is a traditional dork and Mako is a dork like Squall Lionhart. As of the more recent episodes, Bolin feels like a third wheel. They're pro bending athletes.

Yeah, people developed a sport around bending and all the professional athletes appear to be teenagers. Go figure. It really reminds me of blitzball in that it looks about as sensible. Its a sport where you shoot fireballs and throw round bricks at opponents to knock them off a 3 story platform into an unsupervised pool. Note that fire bending and earth bending were extensively used for war in the first series, now they're used for sport.

Let's focus on just one episode. In S1E6 "And the Winner is..."  The villain Amon has announced that he's going to crash the Pro Bending Tournament. Rather than cancel the game, the City Council decides to beef up security. We watch the grudge match between the Fire Ferrets and the Wolf Bats before Amon and his minions show up and start doing villainous things. Then Korra and police chief Lin Beifong kick some ass together but ultimately fail to accomplish anything. The end.

What was the purpose of this episode? I think they were trying to accomplish too much. As of the previous episode, I was looking forward to a pro bending match. I figured we were going to focus on this particular conflict and wrap it up, but this is also an action show so they had to give us something more. The match would build up to nothing. It ate up half the episode so it seemed like it was going to be a legitimate sports drama, but to my dissatisfaction, Amon shows up after the Wolf Bats cheat to victory and takes away their ability to bend and their ability to ever have a rematch against the Fire Ferrets. The cheating will probably never be addressed either. I guess the moral is cheaters never win? I don't think so.

The fire ferrets loss was then swept by the wayside in lieu of more important matters. So I really want to know, what was the point of that pro bending match! I honestly feel like it was wasted time. A lot of build-up over previous episodes led to nothing. Why were we ever so heavily invested in pro bending in the first place? Because it was some sort of outlet for Korra or something like that. I think the pro bending plot line should have been treated differently. I've got a complaint about the fight scene too. You know how Dragon Ball Z had too much fighting? I feel like there was too little in this episode. Well, maybe a whole quarter of the episode was dedicated to the attack by Amon, but none of it was particularly meaningful, just minions. Amon, the big bad, did squat but he was the only character who accomplished anything. He used this attack to make an example of and intimidate his enemies, build his reputation and bring himself one step closer to fulfilling his destiny as masked guy who does evil.

Addendum 6-26-2012: I just saw the finale of Korra. After anticipating this new series for 2 years, season 1 (of 1?) was adequate. I'm not sure what the intention of this series was. What was it trying to accomplish? More than anything, it felt like a big *Easter Egg hunt rather than a story about a girl (and her friends) on her/their own hero's journey.

*There was lots of Easter Eggs!

Ultimate Spider-Man

I am a pretty big fan of Spider-Man. That said, there's a new cartoon show on Disney called Ultimate Spider-Man. I both like and dislike it.

As far as Spider-Man goes, this show is very different. Most incarnations of Spider-Man have a staff of writers working hard to make every day of Peter Parker's life hell. Instead, Ultimate Spider-Man actually has almost no dramatic tension. This might be a weakness of the show. The overall plot is very simple: Spider-Man joins SHIELD to become a better superhero where he becomes a member of a team of rookie superheroes. After that the show falls into a villain-of-the-day routine where we sometimes have conflict. What I miss most is this show has almost no story or character development.

Also, the rookie heroes Spidey works with suck. Nova is a Jerk and an idiot. Iron Fist is a hippy. White Tiger won't stop bitching. Power Man is practically a mute. Power Man is the lamest character of all because he has yet to have any conflict (note: I saw the first 9 episodes). As it stands, I don't care what happens to these characters.

But here's what I like about the show. There's a lot of exaggerated expressions and gestures; even with masks. It reminds me of anime. I also really like how Spidy talks to the audience by bringing them inside his imagination where his innocent and sick fantasies cartoonishly play out. This show has a lot of emphasis on comedy.

Ultimately, this show is just OK. It's the light hearted comedy version of Spider-Man. I think they could make it better by either defining all the characters a lot more or losing some of them. I really liked episode S1E7 "Exclusive" in which Mary Jane is trying to become a *reporter by shooting an interview with Spidey for a contest being held by the Daily Bugle. The entire episode is from the point-of -view of MJ's camera. Action and character development are pretty fulfilling, unlike other eps. I think it's a good example of what the show should try to be.

*Traditionally, MJ Watson is a party-girl/model/actress. There have been no writers who have made that interesting. The downside is, now MJ's character looks a lot like Lois Lane's character. Also, MJ's design reminds me of Ariel from The Little Mermaid.

Drawing from Model 6/2