Video Games Suck Now

How come all the kinds of games I want to play only come out on handhelds? Handhelds suck! I think the (only good?) idea behind the handheld device is to be able to play your games while you're away from home. Children can't afford them and don't really go anywhere. Adults don't buy them because they can afford consoles and wouldn't be caught dead in public with a handheld because you look like a loser.  Why does the video game industry hate the idea of producing a console game with graphics resembling older games?

I love a good RPG, but I haven't seen an RPG I liked in over 12 years. If an RPG were made that had a look resembling SNES games like Chrono Trigger or Super Mario RPG, or Playstation1 era games, I'd be interested. I'm positive this interest of mine is nothing esoteric. *Emulation and ROMs are still popular.

This doesn't mean I hate modern graphics. I have an analogy to help me give this idea some extra merit. To me, the difference between older gen games and new gen games is Theater vs. Movies. Theater is still a valid form of entertainment, storytelling, visuals and sounds. There's a different experience between going to see a play and going to see a movie. You'd be a real asshole to tell someone that plays are bullshit.

Now, here's a list of reasons why handhelds suck.

1. You can't get comfortable.
1. Seriously! Sitting? Forget about it! You'll hurt your back. You have to lay down on your side and roll over often. Your hands cramp and sweat. Some people have issues with eye strain.  
2. It's an inferior gaming device.
1.  I know it, you know it. I thought we didn't want to play games with graphics quality nearly 2 generations behind? Speakers tend to suck and who wants to rely on headphones?
3. It's extra money.
1. This is the biggest for me. I don't want to spend money on another, lesser device to play games when I can get a console instead.
4. It's unique abilities are rendered bullshit.
1. Portability: Like I said, you can't get comfortable. You won't feel any more comfortable assuming the position in public. Where else would you play video games anyway? Work? School? The park? the Beach? The mall? The library? You go to Home Depo to play Pokemon and Zelda, asshole? Also, you look like a loser. Seriously, what woman isn't attracted to that guy playing Mario on the train? You know what else? Handheld games are so weak that they're easily emulated. Why worry about this piddly device with it's dinky speakers and tiny screen  with it's energy needs when I can play the same game on a computer? Link Cable? Wifi? Consoles connect to other consoles through the internet now, too, bitch. Also, you have to carry it around. When your a **man, you have 2 pockets. One is for your wallet and the other is for your phone. 
5. Also, 3d is a stupid gimmick and I prefer buttons to touch screen. Dual Screens suck too.

*Actually, I can't back that up, but entities like Google probably can. Point is people still play old games.
 **Also, honor and a penis.