How Would You "Wouldn't Be Caught Dead?"

How would you like your corpse to be discovered if you were murdered by some coward and scoundrel in your own home? Would you like to be found wearing dirty clothes, having messy hair, with empty soda cans and dirty tissues all around you? You would like your dignity intact, I suspect. I've recently been pondering the meaning of the phrase "I wouldn't be caught dead..." I think it was once upon a time used as a rule of thumb for helping gentlemen and ladies make decisions and also became a very heavy handed way to dismiss certain unwanted ideas without the bother of explaining why. Dignity and honor can be lost posthumously and there could be consequences for friends or family if you're found choking yourself with your dick out while a dominatrix is passed out from cocaine with he face planted in your evacuated bowels and sad Celine Dion plays and you;re both wearing party hats and fake pointed Spock ears. You would shame your family, I think. Although most people probably wouldn't care in this day and age because we have a much stronger sense of individuality and our deeds are no longer  reflecting on the family.

Game Vision

Anyone ever play video games recently and wonder how come your objectives and various elements on screen can be highlighted with blinking lights and arrows? How come you have a map and a radar in some games? What is this crap? Well actually, it seems likes a very common feature in video games to give the player tools that help them navigate their environment, identify important objects, track the movement of in-game characters, and more. Let's call this Game Vision, as in video game vision. Can you imagine one day humans beings possessing the ability to actually have Game Vision in real life?

Here's Fry from Futurama using his Eyephone. It's a comedy exploring the possible direction technology can take, but due to it's format being a comedy, the creative staff probably had to make this joke into a very simple visual and also, because it's a just comedy, failed to consider how this tech could be realized. Fry still has to use his eyes and hands to interact with this technology. That's not acceptable. Also, holograms? No thanks.

I started learning to type a couple years ago, that plus by gaming habits and I think I have carpal tunnnel now. I started to lament that I still have to use my body parts to interact with my smartphone. Why am I still using my fingers? What if we had eye tracking software and the cursor would follow my eye and by blinking just so I could doubleclick? What if I could just think and the apps would respond? I think the ideal Eyephone would bypass the fingers, eyes, and ears, and go straight to the brain. Game Vision is what you'll get when you make the first cyborg by combining the human brain with the future smart phone.

And your descendants will enjoy vision like this:

 In Star Ocean 3, you build a virtual map up as you explore. It gives you a compass and remembers basic information about the area such as save points and enemies.

It even gives you a crosshair!

In The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Spider Sense is represented with infrared, and he receives warnings when his opponents do things his brain recognizes as dangerous and threatening, which it's able to do well in advance. It can be very easy for a computer to identify a human shaped object and recognize that it is moving suddenly or when the silhouette takes on an offensive shape.

Batmans Detective Mode in Batman Arkam Knight tracks enemies for you! Imagine if it can anticipate their path and give you a predicted location on your virtual map so you can have an approximation for their placement in space when they're not in sight. What if it can also identify and remember which enemy is which and remember things like strengths, weaknesses and vitals for you. Batman also has some kind of radar.

 In Metal Gear 4, Snake's Solid Eye identifies objects in your field of vision as well as estimate their distance away from you, updating every time it changes. It can use information like that to give you a very intuitive sense of your space. It also tracks all kinds of activity as it happens all around you with a radar. He also has night vision mode.

Game Vision could to impose a crosshair in what you see in real life that could make aiming an automatic process for you. You would have to get used to it, but it would probably feel like using a light gun,
or a Wii remote.

Anyway, that's what I think about when I look at my phone. Woe is me. No but seriously, fuck Apple. You're not that fucking impressive, shithead! Ok? I'm not fucking impressed! You're not that fucking great. Calm the fuck down with your shitty promotions. Fuck you. Thanks for reading and remember to expect more from your purchases.

Mythbuters Sucks: Curving a Bullet Myth

What stupid asshole said you could curve a bullet? If you're stupid and an asshole, it was probably you. What I think is a real shame is that Mythbusters touched this Hollywood bullshit twice! What is the biggest problem with this myth? Aerodynamics. What are the aerodynamic properties of a bullet? Well it's not a boomerang, you fuckertards! It's like a cone or a cylinder with a rounded top. Basically, its a lump of material. It travels in the direction you propel it. Questions?

Load a bullet into a gun and then fire it. How much energy is being imparted on the bullet? The fucking explosion inside the gun put lots of energy into the bullet. It' pushed out a near perfect straight tube. Bullets travel in an arc. Gravity pulls them down as they travel forward. Do you need a picture? We're only dealing with an x and y coordinate, so you shouldn't have any trouble with this one, but jut in case:

What other forces affect the bullet? Air Resistance, Wind, Rock & Roll, and the Power of Friendship!

OK, so the trajectory of a bullet is not perfectly 2 dimensional in reality, but it's close enough, right? Now, what real-world force as opposed to an imaginary force do you suppose it would take to make a bullet TURN on the Z axis and then turn again and continue its flight? Gee, I can't think of one. Let's make one up! We'll call it Dark Force. That's how cosmologists roll! You can also call it The Angelina Jolie Force, Hollywood Magic, or Bullshit. Let's see this force in action!

Now, once you apply Dark Force to a bullet mid-flight, it turns, right? So to make a bullet deviate from it's original trajectory, you have to apply Dark Force to the bullet after its left the gun! But that just makes  it go off in another direction! This shit doesn't seem to work at all, you might say! Not so fast, says I! You can apply Dark Force to the bullet a second time to make it resume it's original trajectory!

And that's what it would take to make a bullet go around an obstacle or a comrade and resume it's original  trajectory! There's no way you can make a bullet do that by waving the gun around as you fire it! Any questions from the ultra-scholars and turbo-geniuses in the Mythbusters audience? I didn't fucking thing so!

Pokemon X Version Review

So I bought Pokemon X recently in anticipation for the new Moon/Sun version. It was cool. The last Pokemon game I played was Diamond but only for a few hours.

Graphics  - Meh.
This new version was a bit sparkly-er and shiny-er than Pokemon Sapphire, the last version I beat and I'm totally not into it. I like the oldschool stuff and this newschool psuedo-oldschool stuff, at least in this Pokemon game, doesn't do it for me. The only complaint I have is the camera control in Lumoise City. It was weird. Also I turned off Battle Animations almost immediately because I don't have the patience so I barely saw any of those.

Audio - Boring/Uninteresting/Unnecessary
Speaking of turning aspects of the game off, I turned off the sound because I don't care to be immersed in my video games anymore.  I like to have Youtube up or something. When I did get curious about a new bgm, I would briefly turn up the volume and be completely underwhelmed. Maybe it's just not my taste in music?

Gameplay - Nerfed yet Oddly Still Challenging Somehow
I really want to comment on this, but what review would be complete without the 2 above, subjectively valuable categories. I want to say superfluous categories because I feel like using a cool vocabulary word, but it doesn't quite fit. The game felt oddly hand-holdy.That's a word now because it's on the internet, deal with it. The NPCs gave me more free stuff than I've ever got in a game ever. The NPCs designated as my avatars' friend gave me 10 pokeballs in the first dungeon. I also got lots of free medicine in the game. I got TMs from everyone! Maybe it's because I picked the girl character and everyone thought I was hot? They also gave me 3 starter pokemon in total in this game! 3 Starters! The game was scripted to give me unlimited chances to catch this games' legendary Pokemon who I immediately sent to the PC and forgot about!

I got an EXP.Share very early, and this time the EXP.Share didn't fuck around! In other games, your EXP was divided evenly and every Pokemon in my party got jack when you used this thing. In this game, my main Pokemon still got 100% EXP and everyone else got 50% EXP. That means, if I had a full party, every Pokemon was worth 350% EXP! That's massive! Everyone is being swap trained for free, but my main Pokemon isn't taking any penalties! You know what else? I got an Amulet Coin (item that doubles your money) early on too! When I beat the game, I had over 1 Million in Pokemon currency. That's ludicrous. I'm pretty sure I could get away without buying anything in this game.

What else, no trainer in this region is dedicated to having a Pokemon team. Most trainer battles make you fight 1 Pokemon. Some make you fight 2 or 3 and in rare cases 4. What? That's different! Usually, trainers have more Pokemon than that. They must be too broke to buy Pokeballs because they keep losing their battles, except when I win they give me a year's earnings if they have a job earning minimum wage! Even the Elite Four was Nerfed. They each had 4 Pokemon! That means when you count the Pokemon Master, I only had to clear 22 Pokemon at the end of the game instead of 26!

Still, somehow I remember having to load my game over and over again. I think it had more to do with my skill level though. I still don't know all the types in this game. I barely learned half the original types from gen one. I actually felt pretty confident against Gym Leaders, Rival Battles, and the Elite Four. My biggest problem was Team Flare though, because my best and only fighting Pokemon was the fire starter, who was a combination Fire/Psychic type, and Team Flare only ever used fire and dark types! Bastards!

The dungeons and routes and puzzles were generally not memorable for me. Interesting, but I didn't care. I see those things as the less interesting parts of Pokemon for some reason. Things to hurry up and finish.

Story - Megaevolution is Bullshit
So the premise of this game is a weird one. In this game, your Pokemon PhD sponsor sends you on your quest to help him learn about Megaevolution. I never figured out Megaevolution and I didn't care. It only ever came up twice except for the tutorial part. I think Megaevolution is the flimsiest goddamn thing ever. You get a ROCK and a ROCK BRACELET and you build of bond of (guess what!) FRIENDSHIP (mind fucking blown!) and you can use a magic bullshit power to increase a Pokemons stats by a lot! Where the fuck did this come from? Is this even legal in the Pokemon league? Yay! I got a rock, let's go Super Saiyajin, Pikachu! A FUCKING ROCK and MATCHING BRACELET! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND, Gamefreak? It's obviously a gimmick and it wasn't worked in very well. I ignored it because I'm awesome.

So you also have some friends who all seem like a bunch of losers too. The only one I liked was the fat one, Tierno, because he stole something.

Screencaps taken from a letplay by TheJWittz

In the two top panels, you see Trieno just give you this stone i.e. hiding evidence. Later, you're asked where you got it. You say Trieno gave it to you and he flips right the fuck out! You know why? 'Cause he fucking stole it! He's a goddamn thief! That's why he's lying in this scene! That makes him the most interesting and mysterious character in the game. All the other friends were boring. There was Shauna who was a goof-off with no goal in life. There's Trevor who has helmet hair. Then there's the neighbor who serves as your rival and is CLEARLY not as good as you by a lot! These characters are all color coordinated like the power rangers, which I guess is cool.

There was also this thing about this really tall guy. He ruined my parade at the end of the game. Asshole.

Fuck Team Flare.

Anyway, that's about it for Pokemon. My favorite pokemon is still Pikachu. Bye.

Being Contrary to PC Culture

Someone on social networking site number 22 posted this image made out of text:

Under no circumstances is an absolute statement; my
pet-peeve and the last about this image to upset me.

What's socially acceptable or allowed is irrelevant to what actually takes in place the human mind. I do my best but it's our nature as humans, and for others in their conditioning, to objectify other people. Please try to be patient and understanding with those of us with diverse and contrary perspectives. I ask that you please consider not to judge and shame us as well. I would also like to let you know for the sake of getting along, I don't often hold the popular opinion, so please bare with me because it's my objective to be kind and helpful. I want to let you know that this statement sounds like it's trying to police or enforce an idea or standard and I don't appreciate that, even when I agree with the idea. People are allowed and able to disagree. In case it's not clear, let me explicitly state that I agree with the ideal presented here, that people should be allowed to wear what makes them happy etc., etc., but I find the method of sharing this idea to be somewhat reprehensible.
     First, I think it's a contradiction to tell me this is a friendly reminder when it feels like a pre-emptive, passive-aggressive way of controlling my behavior. Instead of teaching the value and relevance of an idea and then respecting others' intelligence and allowing them to arrive at their own conclusion themselves like mentally competent adults, we instead state  the idea bluntly and subtly communicate that others' compliance is expected and imply consequences if otherwise; This statement does so heavily. It's a friendly reminder to be obedient of a taboo that was recently invented and has not been universally accepted or understood.
     Second, I think it's more detrimental to teach people that it's OK to impose their beliefs on others and to make veiled threats on their social acceptance than for them to make the mistakes you set out to warn them against. This is also about respecting people's autonomy. People do not need to be reminded what is accepted, allowed, and appropriate all the time. That is insulting. Please understand that I value intellectual and psychological diversity and freedom. I need to feel safe to disagree in order to have a genuine relationship. I believe it my one of my ancillary responsibilities to consider others well-being, but I do not think it is the same as preserving your well-being at all costs. You have the right to ask others for their due consideration with regards for your needs, but please keep your expectations minimal because you will encounter resistance and conflict. Let people be themselves and let them have the right to be wrong. Have some faith in your ideas; if they are good ideas they will successfully permeate the deepest parts of the culture and they will do so without coercion. You don't have the legal right to tell others who to be, what to think, or what to do, that's fascism. If you disagree with someone or don't like someone, you may, and you may choose not to associate with them. If you do a *fair job to communicate your point of view and if the other person doesn't accept it, oh well. That's life.
     Third, there's something arrogant about this statement. Other people can wear whatever they want regardless of who they are, but under no circumstances am I allowed to say, think, or feel X. That is not how I talk to people I am on friendly terms with. These are not the words chosen be someone having friendly and respectful discourse with an equal. This choice of words shows indignation and is lacking civility. Why do you think you have the right or authority to say what group X is allowed to do and what group Y better not do? You're assigning your own values to these ideas, which is what we all do, but then you impose your perspective onto others.
     In conclusion I dislike both versions of our culture in which people are made to feel shame or be sexualized by others, and the version where we respond to mistreatment of ourselves and others with resentment, condescension, and force. Our ideas are valid, yours are not; accept our point of view or else. I also dislike our collective mentality to immediately discourage even polite descent and be closed off to intellectual discourse. For this reason alone, political correctness is an ugly ignorance but it also ignores logic and reasoning if it's contradictory to it's narrative. It tries to make everything black and white when it's not. It demands conformity. It has a decisive us or them mentality. It's self-righteous and self-aggrandizing. I hate it.

*I thought this needed some elaboration. What do I mean by fairly communicate? I think I should make the effort to directly communicate with people and be genuine. This gives me the opportunity to be heard and the other person gets the opportunity to learn what it's going to take to get along with me when they make a choice to have or continue a relationship with me. An alternative might be to keep your values secret and not give the other person the resources to respect what's important to you.

My Design for a Video Game Controller

My first console was the Sega Genesis and I always wondered why games never used the X, Y, Z buttons. Bullshit, right? Actually, no! Look at this thing, it's actually pretty cool.

Note: This is actually the Saturn controller, but little difference from the Genesis.

6 Buttons on the front. What are you going to do with them all? I don't know! You know what it looks like, right? The same controller Nintendo used in it's next gen controller.

What do you guys think? Appropriation or coincidence? Were all these yellow buttons used that much anyway? I remember they were used in Zelda 64 for different things you could program yourself and it was actually handy. In Smash Bros however, they all did the same thing and were actually excessive. Nintendo also got rid of the Select button. I think I want it back. Oh, and lose the middle handle. That's bullshit.

Now, here's something peculiar.

My poor fucking right thumb!

People at Microsoft must have mutant thumbs. Pretend you're holding a controller right now and move your right thumb across imaginary buttons in a horizontal arrangement like the Genesis or the N64.

It works, doesn't it! Now, try moving your thumb up and down across an imaginary controller shaped like the original XBOX controller. What the fuck! When I was a teenager playing XBOX for the first time, I could not get over this! I feel vindicated that they have since changed it! Their d-pad sucks too. What else? If you try to press start or select with your right thumb, the right toggle is in the way! Can those buttons be any lower on this controller! It's a stretch to get your right thumb to that start button! I still hate everyone who ever defended this thing, argh!

Microsoft redeemed themselves though. I've been told that the new XBOX controllers were ergonomically designed. Here's the XBOX One contoller.

I like this! It looks sleek and comfortable. The Start and Select buttons are in good places, the D-Pad is perfect, but wait, where did the shoulder buttons go? I've never held one of these, so I don't know what it's like. An earlier incarnation of this controller had a shoulder and a trigger button on each side, but I guess that was excessive. If you're going to pick one over the other, I guess the trigger will do.

What's odd about this too me is the X,Y, A, B buttons. Only four? Well, in some ways the right toggle can be another set of 4 buttons. That means this controller technically has not lost any buttons from the PS controller or N64 buttons. Same number, and I guess the Sega controller with 6 buttons means your thumbs have to move around a lot if you have a function for every button. This is conservative and efficient.

So, what kind of controller would I design? This one.

Are Rape Jokes Ok?

So.... Is this a funny rape joke or should I start picketing Rolfe's municipal power plant to deny electricity to his home for his dreadful, dreadful misandry?

 Here are 3 screenshots from James Rolfe's Angry Video Game Nerd Episode 53 Batman (Part 2). There's James Rolfe as Batman and one of his friends, Mike Matei, as the Joker. After a fight scene, Batman subdues Joker and forces 5 video game cartridges up his ass. Each time, it looks like the above, where we see a hand or a pair of hands pretending to push or pound a game into a presented posterior end and then we see the Joker's face twist with pain and he cries "Ooooh!" Also, in that contextual shot 9:06 where the joker is bent over on the couch and Batman declares "I'm going to shove these games up your ass," the Joker is shaking his head very convincingly like he doesn't want to be in this position. If you weren't paying attention, you could miss it.

According to feminist rhetoric, rape jokes are never funny. I haven't been keeping score, but there's a lot of physical humor in AVGN that borderlines sexual slapstick. For instance, how many times has someone been shat on in one of AVGN videos? I'm feeling certain there are more jokes about characters having large cumbersome objects inserted into a body cavity than this. "Up your ass/asshole" is a repeated line in AVGN videos. Also, I'm pretty damn sure the AVGN says the word cunt a lot. Pretty damn sure no one used James Rolfe or AVGN as an example of misogyny or promoting sexism prior to Rolfe's relatively benign and respectful critique of the new Ghost Busters movie trailer. He's been doing this for almost 10 years, guys! I also see no evidence for sexism from AVGN or Rolfe, nor do I see evidence that anyone is walking away from his videos with less respect for people's bodily orifices or gender. Rock on AVGN! Rock on James Rolfe!

I'm going to weigh in on this topic and say humor is subjective and that absolute statements like what's never funny or always funny are incorrect statements and you shouldn't make them. I got a kick out of watching two heterosexual men (as far as I know, not that it matters right?) make light out of punishing evildoers with fudge packing. It's funny because it's absurd, over the top, and impractical even though I don't believe that's how a justice system should work, get it? I do believe comedy that is based on pain is valid and it does make people laugh. I also believe there's nothing wrong with dirty words. We're all adults right? Yeah, and if we're all adults, then why can't we be allowed to determine for ourselves what is funny or not?

Bravely Defualt is Actually the Greatest Game of All Time

OK, so that feminist popculture critic who shall not be named is full of crap. Brilliant opening statement, Joshua! Thank you, Joshua! You're welcome Joshua, and may I say you're looking especially smart today! Why, thank you Joshua, let's make out. *Slurping and licking noises and such*

If you want to know how video games can be harmful, I recommend using Bravely Default as an example! Bravely Default is an RPG made by the intellectually default Square Enix. I finally gave in and bought it because I was Jonesing hard for a new JRPG style game.

As I was saying, one way videogames can be harmful is this. Let's look at nerds. Has it ever occurred to you that nerds can be kind of socially awkward? Why do you think that is? Let's look at this scene where the lonely, grief-stricken hero Tiz begs one of the main characters, Agnes, to join her on her journey.

 Airy is the fairy, and she explains the plot.

Tiz offers his help.

Agnes tells Tiz to eat her futa dick.

Tiz's poetic replay shows how desperate he is.

I think this is actually the third time Agnes says no.

In case you missed it, Agnes says no again in this shot.

Tiz actually asks repeatedly in this scene and Agnes constantly tells him no. He comes across as pathetic and begging! What a lame hero! "Can I please be a character in this game?" I can't tell, but I'm not sure if this Agnes just has a strong character or if she just doesn't like Tiz because this is a work of fiction written by nerds for nerds. In reality, if someone says go away leave me alone, that means they don't like you and they want you to go away, but because this is an RPG, we see this sort of behavior where one character heroically harasses and stalks another character because they don't respect their intelligence and they think they know better. At this point, Tiz is imposing on her. Period. That's rude, I hope no one thinks of Tiz as a role model. This is why nerds are socially awkward people, they don't learn normal social etiquette.

Agnes is someone who must not know how to say no properly, and she offers to see our hero who has no self-respect back to town where they will part ways, but they don't. Together they go to the item store, the weapon store, the armor store, and then to see the king. This is a strange inconsistency in writing. Finally they go back to the city entrance and she shows some spine. She even criticizes him.

This is getting ridiculous.

Behold, my true form: Not a hero, but a guide!

She straight up tells him to get lost, and he still tries to find any way he can to shoehorn his way into her company.

Closed body language, bro.

Some people just don't know when they've crossed a line. When someone says no, some people seem to become even more persistent. This sort of behavior is not welcomed by most people, not just in situations where someone is trying to pick up on someone else, but in any situation between any people.

Yeah, he's a good person and I have no question of his motives because he's actually a bit one dimensional, but fucken hell, eh? "Look dude, piss off! Why don't you go find your own plot? How about you take your little broadsword and go kill monsters until you have enough gold for some chainmail, and go play hero in a cave somewhere. Maybe you'll find some mopey wizard who writes hack poetry about the burden of being alive in a magically enchanted forest and the two of you can hack and cast your way to level 2 so you can go visit the spooky graveyard where you can envy the dead without bothering people! Arrrgh!"

Review: Tales of Phantasia

For years and years, if you'd asked me what I think about the Tales series, I would have said "it's a series of some popularity." Tales Of games are JPRGS that have a hack'n slash style gameplay resembling a simplistic tournament fighter and they're usually very fun. The stories and characters are typical of anime however, so I'm actually pessimistic about this series on the whole. The box art for the games is also pretty juvenile and does little to invoke the fantasy genre.

Tales of Phantasia is a game I've been trying to beat for over 5 years. I long considered this game to be an excellent starting point for the series and it's only great game, establishing tones and themes that later installments would fail to reproduce. Today I finally beat it and now I am disillusioned about whether there ever was an RPG plot that ever made any sense. The villain is Dhaos. They introduce him as this evil wizard jerk from the first screen. They build him up as this monstrous world threat the entire game. About halfway through, the characters begin contemplating his motives as they realize they don't understand him.

This doubt by our heroes about whether its right to save the world from wizard Hitler is actually pretty interesting. It's also pretty out of the blue, though. They don't get to think about it too much. They later ask a god or spirit about it and rather than be helpful, this spirit insults us by telling us we couldn't even comprehend Dhaos, implying we're too stupid or lowly as creatures. For years, this scene intrigued me. It hinted that the plot was secretly more complex than it appeared. After finishing the game, you reevaluate this scene for what it is, unfortunately. It shows that the gods in this setting are amoral and indifferent. I think it's unintentional on the writer's part because the plot had to be forced.

What stopped me from completing this game was hardware issues over and over. One example is when my PSP broke. Anyway, after getting to the end, I was mostly exhausted. The battles get tedious and annoying. After 35+ hours, they resort to giving enemies too much HP and making them cast spells way too much. One of the few flaws with the gameplay is how spells effectively pause the live battles. When a lot of spellcasting takes place, there are massive interruptions and the camera pans around so fast you miss stuff. Also, the dungeons and puzzles are just frustrating. They're not satisfying to solve. In fact, after solving them you just want to throat punch a game designer. Good thing I'm about to get a list of some game designers.

I get to Dhoas at last! The heroes square off with the guy, then my healer steps forward and says "hey, um, can we talk this out?" Marvelous! When was the last time I played a video game where that happened? Except this time, I really wanted some answers. Do I finally get any fucking answers, game? "NO!" says the game. In fact, Dhaos is a total dick! "I killed ppl but I don't care lolz!" he says. So we fight. I found a bug on my second try where I swear I KO Dhaos in one regular attack. Not sure how it happened though. Then he transforms into his stock, and I do mean stock, JRPG Final Villain Form #2. The trick to this form is he can't be hit when the lights go out which is most of the time, and you have to hide in the corner and wait till the lights come on and spam your attacks like a coward. Lame. Epic final showdown and I'm waiting behind the villain's back while my mages spellcast at his face. So proud!

Finally, Dhaos lies dying at my feet and I say to myself "answers are for losers I finally killed you, shithead!" Dhaos finally explains his motives. The explanation is actually very succinct and that is great! I don't think the game designers realized that they made a booboo here see, Dhaos is a space alien. He came to this planet to make something that he could use to save his own planet. Now that he's dead, his whole planet is screwed and now our heroes are left blaming themselves! What nonsense. This moron was such a dumb bastard about his approach to his mission that it's his own damn fault for failing. He arrives and starts waging wars building floating evil castles using mind control on ninjas and killing scientists but from his perspective he's actually a fucking good guy? Get fucked Namco.