Friday, November 16, 2018
Sunday, November 4, 2018
Hypothesis for Why Humans Facepalm
Endorphins are chemicals our brains make that reduce pain. You can release these manually by hurting yourself. An extreme example is people who cut themselves (Although, self-mutilation probably has other serious emotional baggage). When someone says something so fucking stupid and you can't do anything about it because that's how stupid it is and there's no fixing how stupid it is, you resort to relieving stress by hitting yourself in the face. That's probably why we do it.
You might also face palm to hide your face as if to cover your shame or to express disapproval and communicate to them that they should feel shame.
You might also face palm to hide your face as if to cover your shame or to express disapproval and communicate to them that they should feel shame.
Friday, November 2, 2018
4chaniscucks Soda
I love hearing about funny shit 4chan does. What if corporations had the balls to retaliate? Here's what I envision for Mountain Dews' response:
Good stuff!
Friday, October 26, 2018
Sunday, October 21, 2018
Final Fantasy Tactics Strategies
Final Fantasy Tactics is the best tactics game I've ever played and even though I've played it ad nauseum and moved on, I still wake up some mornings thinking about it. This morning I woke up thinking about the absolute best Final Fantasty Tactics strats, bro! The best! You might not want to use these strats because you don't think they're cool, but If you really want to wreck some shit, these works. Disclaimer: These strats do not work against chocobos. Chocobos will kill you. Have a good day.
Handicaps
The best way to turn a fight around is to handicap your foes. You can control the pacing of a fight by lightly handicaping one or two enemies. The best way to do this is with either Break Skills or the Frog spell. All the magic options available such as Paralysis, Don't Act, Slow, etc., are temporary and buy you one or two rounds if they work. If they don't work, you've wasted a turn and if you waste too many turns, you're going to feel it. I want to say Sleep is useful because it lasts a very long time, but it's still temporary.
Break Skills + Dual Wield
Dual Wield takes a bit of time to get to, but once you get it, your favorite break skills become your favoriter. Dual wield + break skills increases the probability of one of your breaks landing. If the success rate of the skill is high enough, you will generally see one of them working and two-for-ones occur.
One unit suffering the effects of Speed Break x1 or x2 and Power Break x1 or x2 will show. Do this to two units and the weaker members of the enemy party will seem like their pulling their weight.
Break Skills + Range Weapons
Combine any break skills with a ranged weapon and you now have a recipe to perpetually keep your distance to avoid taking hits and avoid triggering any counter attacks until one or enough of your breaks land. This is an effective way to utilize break skills in the early game.
Frog + Chakra
If you have learned Chakra, you have a rare ability in RPGs that lets you heal MP for free. Have a character dedicated to spamming frog and have another character who can spam Chakra for infinite MP. I recommend two seperate units; One for frog and one for Chakra so you never miss a chance to use frog.
If you nail one unit with frog, any fight will turn around. If you nail two units with frog, the fight is over. It's not as cool as casting death, but Frogs' success rate is always 20% higher. Petrify is cool too; It provides slightly more range, but requires slightly more MP and is less useful.
Frog + Math Skills
If you want to talk about having spells that cost no MP, you'll want Math Skills. You can also increase the number of units you can target and render the range of the spell irrelevant. Math Skills come later and after much work though.
Buffs
The other strategies in Final Fantasy Tactics that work well are buffing your own units. Haste 1 or 2 is OK, but I want something more reliable and permanent.
Accumulate
This ability is underrated. You should have a dedicated powerhouse use this ability more than a couple times in a fight. Start a fight off by using it once or twice to take an early advantage. You will spend a few rounds of many fights moving but not doing anything. That's a perfect occasion to use this. You could also spend these rounds waiting in place, falling back, or regrouping and drawing the enemies out.
Cheer
The next most useful move is unique to Ramza and it's superb. Cheer improves speed by 1. Stack a single unit, such as your Healer or your DPS, with 3 of these to have more frequent turns and effectively have extra turns at intervals. You can use it to get the slowest party member to catch up or by giving everyone a slight boost, you'll guarantee that your party members will go before the enemies.
Speed Save, MA Save, PA Save
I accidentally discovered that Speed Save is the best way to passively break the game. The Speed/MA/PA saves fix any weaknesses in a unit. Now there are pros to taking hits.
The trick is to have low evasion and high brave. Characters with high evasion and shields and characters who frequent the back row will not get the advantages of these abilities. These reaction abilities are excellent for a front-line melee unit who wears medium armor and don't use shields like Squires, Monks, Thieves, and Ninjas. Units who do use shields can always just leave it at home.
General Abilities
Some general abilities to look for.
Samurai > Blade Grasp
This reaction ability is broken. According to its description, it's only supposed to be triggered when you're targeted by a melee weapon, but it is still triggered by bows, crossbows, and weapons thrown by using a ninjas Throw skill. This went overlooked in the War of the Lions version. Basically, it turns your brave stat into your evasion for 99% of the physical attacks in this game (yes, there are exceptions like cat-kick, repeating fist, and dash).
This is sheer defense and your unit becomes invincible against everything but magic. I recommend at least one front-line unit knows this.
Archer > Concentrate
This is one of the best support skills. All success rates improve or go up to 100.
Mediator > Equip Gun
If you're going to have anyone in the back, such as a magic class, give them a gun. Guns have a range of 8 and according to the Final Fantasy Tactics Battle Mechanics Guide, the magic guns bypass evasion.
Mediator > Invite
You turn an enemy into an ally. This skill is crazy good except for its success rate of 20%~30%. An enemy will become a guest character and there is the option to recruit them when the fight ends. This is equal to casting a version of confuse that doesn't wear off and stealing all their equipment in one turn.
Mediator > Threaten or Solution
A very high success rate of dropping an enemy's Brave stat by 20 or Faith stat by 20 each time you use it. Low brave means less reactions. Dropping the faith stat is reliable way to cripple a magic class. If you drop their brave to 10 or less, they transform into a chicken which effectively makes the useless. You can also reduce your own units Faith which means their magic will suck, their friends magic when used on them will suck, but enemy magic used against them will suck too.
Note: These abilities permanently reduce brave and faith stats by 4. Some strats involve using these abilities to effectively make magic useless and low brave means the move-find ability has a higher chance of working. You can build faith and brave back up with Preach and Praise (talk skills), Cheer Up (Ramza only), and Brave Up/Faith Up reaction abilities.
Math Skills
Magic sucks in this game. You have almost no MP. A wizard can reliably nail one, maybe two guys per fight before they're spent; then they're useless. If you're prepared to GRIND LIKE A BASTARD however, you can have 1 unit who has MOST of the games' magic in one list and can use it without MP. Math Skills can be tricky to use, but this skill is OP.
Ninja > Throw > Whatever
Throwing shit is actually not the most effective way to deal damage, but the range of Throw is equal to your Move speed, so if you have a move speed of 6, 7, or 8, then you'll be able to hit anyone from any part of the map and get the hell away. The damage of throw is based on your Speed stat and the Items' Attack stat. I usually just learn to throws Shurikens and Balls. The elemental balls are useful when you need melee fighters to do elemental damage.
Ninja > Dual Wield
This is definitely cool, but not constantly useful.
Monk > Chakra, Revive, Stigma
Punch arts have some skills that are like very handy alternative white magic that melee characters can use. Chakra restores HP and MP of the user and up to 4 unites. Stigma Magic has the same range and removes most status conditions, and Revive can bring a unit back from KO. These skills are more effective with high PA. Note: The Martial Arts support ability increases the effects of these abilities even if the user is not barehanded.
Monk > Martial Arts + Ninja
If you don't know this rule, than you're not a real Final Fantasy fan. I'm serious. Hang your head and weep for the loss of your status as a fan if you don't know punches do more damage than weapons in Final Fantasy. If you give a unit Martial Arts, they will basically do as much damage as a unit that is equipped with the best weapon available. Talk about saving money.
Now, if you give a ninja Martial Arts, you basically have 2 Punch Man. This is the most lethal melee combination for generic units. Combine that with Accumulate or Speed/PA Save and you have the Square Soft version of Goku.
Thief > Gil Taking or Mediator > Negotiate
If you don't want to grind money, skip this. The amount of Gil you steal is equal to Level * Speed. Here's the scenario: One enemy left is a Frog. Ramza is spamming Cheer on your designated thief who is fast enough to have 2 and 3 turns per round taking 300+ gil each turn. Hashtag not even five minutes.
Skills to Avoid
Archers
Archers are really fucking cool in this game, but there are better ways to do damage or fight from range. I really want to like Charge, but there's better ways to do damage.
Geomancy
I always wanted to use geomancy, but there's more effective ways to do damage. Geomancy is for crowd control, and in Final Fantasy Tactics, that means you can target 2 units at once after they set themselves up for it by attacking one of your units together. Geomancy relies on both MA and PA, and who has that? The chances of the status effect they produce are so low, that they're not the point of the skills but a benefit you see sometimes. I really want to like geomancy, but it's not up to par.
Geomancer > Attack Up
I like the idea of this ability but I don't know quite how it works. I haven't noticed any significant benefit and I think we can do better.
Monk > Counter & Hamedo
The counter skills is useful if you want to do attacks that don't get you EXP or JP. I have gotten by without ever using this. It's probably good, but I like to have control over where or not I retaliate and I usually don't want my characters counter attacking in this game. Hamedo is like Counter but you avoid taking the hit and counter attack. You also attack the enemy to their face, in other words, they get to use their full evasion. For defense, Blade Grasp is still better than Hamedo. I would take Blade Grasp over Counter or Hamedo any day!
Samurai
Samurai are interesting because their Draw Out skill is MA based, so you can have a sort of magic tank instead of a glass cannon. The problem is that Samurai swords, which can break, just aren't too readily available. You don't see any good ones until chapter 3 and they're expensive as a motherfucker. The best abilities are dependent on swords you only see one of.
Samurai > Two Hands
This is a cool idea, but it only works for the attack command.
Summoners
It's like a wizard that is extra specialized. You're even more of a glass cannon. One or two good spells per fight and you're done. You also want to wait for enemies to be set up. I think this class has nothing of use.
Dancers, Bards, Mimics
These classes seem cool, but I can't see a casual player discovering a mime much less figuring out how to use it. Bards and dancers just don't contribute as much as fast as and as reliably as other units. Unlock them for the abilities you want but don't use them.
Time Magic/Ying Yang Magic
As far as support magic goes, maybe. Too middle of the road for me. These classes are comparable to Bards and Dancers.
Cloud
You know they put Cloud in here because Cloud is cool, and his look contrasts the rest of the game so much that when Cloud is in your party, it's almost like having a glimpse into what a good Star Ocean Tactics game would be like. There are two problems with Cloud. One, you get him very late in the game and he starts out with nothing. You just wouldn't and shouldn't bother making him competitive. Two, Cloud sucks in this game. Let me explain. There are two types of characters you can use, generic ones and special one. The special characters have a unique job like Holy Knight or Dark Knight and it's sometimes pretty fucking powerful. Special characters also have above average stats. Cloud is a special character, but his unique job is all flash. His above average stats are just slight. The only advantage to using Cloud is that he is a boy unit who can use the girl items.
My Strat
Ramza as a Squire because that's awesome. A male ninja with Break Skills. A female mediator with Math Skills (With Cure 3, Life 2, Esuna, Holy, Haste, and Frog) a Magic Gun so she has something to do when she's not spamming the forces of life and death. After that, anything will do. I like the idea of using only 4 characters. A knight dual wielding knight swords or a second ninja are good choices. I think of character number four as a utility character to round out the party, provide more of what I want, or fill a role I need for a particular fight.
Handicaps
The best way to turn a fight around is to handicap your foes. You can control the pacing of a fight by lightly handicaping one or two enemies. The best way to do this is with either Break Skills or the Frog spell. All the magic options available such as Paralysis, Don't Act, Slow, etc., are temporary and buy you one or two rounds if they work. If they don't work, you've wasted a turn and if you waste too many turns, you're going to feel it. I want to say Sleep is useful because it lasts a very long time, but it's still temporary.
Break Skills + Dual Wield
Dual Wield takes a bit of time to get to, but once you get it, your favorite break skills become your favoriter. Dual wield + break skills increases the probability of one of your breaks landing. If the success rate of the skill is high enough, you will generally see one of them working and two-for-ones occur.
One unit suffering the effects of Speed Break x1 or x2 and Power Break x1 or x2 will show. Do this to two units and the weaker members of the enemy party will seem like their pulling their weight.
Break Skills + Range Weapons
Combine any break skills with a ranged weapon and you now have a recipe to perpetually keep your distance to avoid taking hits and avoid triggering any counter attacks until one or enough of your breaks land. This is an effective way to utilize break skills in the early game.
Frog + Chakra
If you have learned Chakra, you have a rare ability in RPGs that lets you heal MP for free. Have a character dedicated to spamming frog and have another character who can spam Chakra for infinite MP. I recommend two seperate units; One for frog and one for Chakra so you never miss a chance to use frog.
If you nail one unit with frog, any fight will turn around. If you nail two units with frog, the fight is over. It's not as cool as casting death, but Frogs' success rate is always 20% higher. Petrify is cool too; It provides slightly more range, but requires slightly more MP and is less useful.
Frog + Math Skills
If you want to talk about having spells that cost no MP, you'll want Math Skills. You can also increase the number of units you can target and render the range of the spell irrelevant. Math Skills come later and after much work though.
Buffs
The other strategies in Final Fantasy Tactics that work well are buffing your own units. Haste 1 or 2 is OK, but I want something more reliable and permanent.
Accumulate
This ability is underrated. You should have a dedicated powerhouse use this ability more than a couple times in a fight. Start a fight off by using it once or twice to take an early advantage. You will spend a few rounds of many fights moving but not doing anything. That's a perfect occasion to use this. You could also spend these rounds waiting in place, falling back, or regrouping and drawing the enemies out.
Cheer
The next most useful move is unique to Ramza and it's superb. Cheer improves speed by 1. Stack a single unit, such as your Healer or your DPS, with 3 of these to have more frequent turns and effectively have extra turns at intervals. You can use it to get the slowest party member to catch up or by giving everyone a slight boost, you'll guarantee that your party members will go before the enemies.
Speed Save, MA Save, PA Save
I accidentally discovered that Speed Save is the best way to passively break the game. The Speed/MA/PA saves fix any weaknesses in a unit. Now there are pros to taking hits.
The trick is to have low evasion and high brave. Characters with high evasion and shields and characters who frequent the back row will not get the advantages of these abilities. These reaction abilities are excellent for a front-line melee unit who wears medium armor and don't use shields like Squires, Monks, Thieves, and Ninjas. Units who do use shields can always just leave it at home.
General Abilities
Some general abilities to look for.
Samurai > Blade Grasp
This reaction ability is broken. According to its description, it's only supposed to be triggered when you're targeted by a melee weapon, but it is still triggered by bows, crossbows, and weapons thrown by using a ninjas Throw skill. This went overlooked in the War of the Lions version. Basically, it turns your brave stat into your evasion for 99% of the physical attacks in this game (yes, there are exceptions like cat-kick, repeating fist, and dash).
This is sheer defense and your unit becomes invincible against everything but magic. I recommend at least one front-line unit knows this.
Archer > Concentrate
This is one of the best support skills. All success rates improve or go up to 100.
Mediator > Equip Gun
If you're going to have anyone in the back, such as a magic class, give them a gun. Guns have a range of 8 and according to the Final Fantasy Tactics Battle Mechanics Guide, the magic guns bypass evasion.
Mediator > Invite
You turn an enemy into an ally. This skill is crazy good except for its success rate of 20%~30%. An enemy will become a guest character and there is the option to recruit them when the fight ends. This is equal to casting a version of confuse that doesn't wear off and stealing all their equipment in one turn.
Mediator > Threaten or Solution
A very high success rate of dropping an enemy's Brave stat by 20 or Faith stat by 20 each time you use it. Low brave means less reactions. Dropping the faith stat is reliable way to cripple a magic class. If you drop their brave to 10 or less, they transform into a chicken which effectively makes the useless. You can also reduce your own units Faith which means their magic will suck, their friends magic when used on them will suck, but enemy magic used against them will suck too.
Note: These abilities permanently reduce brave and faith stats by 4. Some strats involve using these abilities to effectively make magic useless and low brave means the move-find ability has a higher chance of working. You can build faith and brave back up with Preach and Praise (talk skills), Cheer Up (Ramza only), and Brave Up/Faith Up reaction abilities.
Math Skills
Magic sucks in this game. You have almost no MP. A wizard can reliably nail one, maybe two guys per fight before they're spent; then they're useless. If you're prepared to GRIND LIKE A BASTARD however, you can have 1 unit who has MOST of the games' magic in one list and can use it without MP. Math Skills can be tricky to use, but this skill is OP.
Ninja > Throw > Whatever
Throwing shit is actually not the most effective way to deal damage, but the range of Throw is equal to your Move speed, so if you have a move speed of 6, 7, or 8, then you'll be able to hit anyone from any part of the map and get the hell away. The damage of throw is based on your Speed stat and the Items' Attack stat. I usually just learn to throws Shurikens and Balls. The elemental balls are useful when you need melee fighters to do elemental damage.
Ninja > Dual Wield
This is definitely cool, but not constantly useful.
Monk > Chakra, Revive, Stigma
Punch arts have some skills that are like very handy alternative white magic that melee characters can use. Chakra restores HP and MP of the user and up to 4 unites. Stigma Magic has the same range and removes most status conditions, and Revive can bring a unit back from KO. These skills are more effective with high PA. Note: The Martial Arts support ability increases the effects of these abilities even if the user is not barehanded.
Monk > Martial Arts + Ninja
If you don't know this rule, than you're not a real Final Fantasy fan. I'm serious. Hang your head and weep for the loss of your status as a fan if you don't know punches do more damage than weapons in Final Fantasy. If you give a unit Martial Arts, they will basically do as much damage as a unit that is equipped with the best weapon available. Talk about saving money.
Now, if you give a ninja Martial Arts, you basically have 2 Punch Man. This is the most lethal melee combination for generic units. Combine that with Accumulate or Speed/PA Save and you have the Square Soft version of Goku.
Thief > Gil Taking or Mediator > Negotiate
If you don't want to grind money, skip this. The amount of Gil you steal is equal to Level * Speed. Here's the scenario: One enemy left is a Frog. Ramza is spamming Cheer on your designated thief who is fast enough to have 2 and 3 turns per round taking 300+ gil each turn. Hashtag not even five minutes.
Skills to Avoid
Archers
Archers are really fucking cool in this game, but there are better ways to do damage or fight from range. I really want to like Charge, but there's better ways to do damage.
Geomancy
I always wanted to use geomancy, but there's more effective ways to do damage. Geomancy is for crowd control, and in Final Fantasy Tactics, that means you can target 2 units at once after they set themselves up for it by attacking one of your units together. Geomancy relies on both MA and PA, and who has that? The chances of the status effect they produce are so low, that they're not the point of the skills but a benefit you see sometimes. I really want to like geomancy, but it's not up to par.
Geomancer > Attack Up
I like the idea of this ability but I don't know quite how it works. I haven't noticed any significant benefit and I think we can do better.
Monk > Counter & Hamedo
The counter skills is useful if you want to do attacks that don't get you EXP or JP. I have gotten by without ever using this. It's probably good, but I like to have control over where or not I retaliate and I usually don't want my characters counter attacking in this game. Hamedo is like Counter but you avoid taking the hit and counter attack. You also attack the enemy to their face, in other words, they get to use their full evasion. For defense, Blade Grasp is still better than Hamedo. I would take Blade Grasp over Counter or Hamedo any day!
Samurai
Samurai are interesting because their Draw Out skill is MA based, so you can have a sort of magic tank instead of a glass cannon. The problem is that Samurai swords, which can break, just aren't too readily available. You don't see any good ones until chapter 3 and they're expensive as a motherfucker. The best abilities are dependent on swords you only see one of.
Samurai > Two Hands
This is a cool idea, but it only works for the attack command.
Summoners
It's like a wizard that is extra specialized. You're even more of a glass cannon. One or two good spells per fight and you're done. You also want to wait for enemies to be set up. I think this class has nothing of use.
Dancers, Bards, Mimics
These classes seem cool, but I can't see a casual player discovering a mime much less figuring out how to use it. Bards and dancers just don't contribute as much as fast as and as reliably as other units. Unlock them for the abilities you want but don't use them.
Time Magic/Ying Yang Magic
As far as support magic goes, maybe. Too middle of the road for me. These classes are comparable to Bards and Dancers.
Cloud
You know they put Cloud in here because Cloud is cool, and his look contrasts the rest of the game so much that when Cloud is in your party, it's almost like having a glimpse into what a good Star Ocean Tactics game would be like. There are two problems with Cloud. One, you get him very late in the game and he starts out with nothing. You just wouldn't and shouldn't bother making him competitive. Two, Cloud sucks in this game. Let me explain. There are two types of characters you can use, generic ones and special one. The special characters have a unique job like Holy Knight or Dark Knight and it's sometimes pretty fucking powerful. Special characters also have above average stats. Cloud is a special character, but his unique job is all flash. His above average stats are just slight. The only advantage to using Cloud is that he is a boy unit who can use the girl items.
My Strat
Ramza as a Squire because that's awesome. A male ninja with Break Skills. A female mediator with Math Skills (With Cure 3, Life 2, Esuna, Holy, Haste, and Frog) a Magic Gun so she has something to do when she's not spamming the forces of life and death. After that, anything will do. I like the idea of using only 4 characters. A knight dual wielding knight swords or a second ninja are good choices. I think of character number four as a utility character to round out the party, provide more of what I want, or fill a role I need for a particular fight.
Monday, August 27, 2018
I Withdrew from My D&D Group
I feel a little bad for not making an opportunity to resolve this like an adult but I feel like my decision to withdraw from my D&D group by bowing out gracefully is fine; Cowardly, but fine. Are there any DMs or GMs out there who like murder hobos? If not, let me be the first to say as a DM I don't care to entertain your murder fantasies on a bi-weekly basis. They're boring and frustrating. If you want to play D&D and you want to do something morally questionable, think classic Robin Hood. Got it? Cool.
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
Final Fantasy VIII Remake 2022
I swore Square Enix shot themselves in the foot when they released their tech demo for the PS3 in whatever year that was, 2007? They recreated the opening for Final Fantasy 7 with PS3 graphics. It looks cool right? Too bad Square Enix is incompetent. If they didn't want to remake Final Fantasy VII, they never should have made that tech demo about Final Fantasy VII. Now that they've actually begun the FF7 remake, there's blood in the water.
Final Fantasy VIII remake will either happen because Square Enix will cave in to "well, you remade all the other games," or it won't happen because Final Fantasy VIII is the oddball game that no one actually likes. Back in the day, Final Fantasy VIII was my favorite game for a long while. I thought Squall was a very identifiable character, I liked that cumbersome junction system, and the gameplay was enjoyable to me. The only things I didn't like about it was the low rate of drawing magic, and then later cards. Now, when I think of the game, I think about it in a load of other ways.
The first thing I think of when I think of Final Fantasy VIII is the look of the game. It's the least cartoonish, stylized, or fantasy looking game in the first 9 games (the only ones you should be counting). It was still stylized with characters having torsos measuring 2 heads and legs measuring 4, but the most realistic looking game. It had the most modern looking setting with futuristic elements I've seen in a fantasy RPG outside of Star Ocean. It was also the most boring looking game. Points deducted for having a look that didn't last or continue to inspire or evoke or what have you. Not that you can control how people retrospectively see your art.
The second thing I think about is how it was the only installment in the franchise to have a different genre. Most Final Fantasy games feature warriors of light trying to restore crystals or rebels trying to protect the environment from evil empires or gods. Seriously, most Final Fantasy games are very much in the hippy camp. I can't see how you could have missed that. It's obvious: Magic crystals, revered ancient civilizations for having greater harmony with nature, protecting earthly balance, etc. Final Fantasy VIII doesn't know if it's trying to be a teenage romance first or second.
Teenage romance sucks. You know this because you read Romeo and Juliet in high school. Teenagers don't know shit. Remember when they ate tide pods and snorted condoms for fun? Then, some guy named Cid raises them in a trope-p magic school setting to be mercenaries who contract with demons for magic powers for money and to prepare them to kill an evil sorcerers in the hypothetical scenario where she goes rogue and tries to kill everything.
That was a tangent. I hope you liked it. Squall and Rinoa are less interesting the older you get and the more experience you have with actual people and relationships. No one could care less about them making it work. I hate to say it, but Tidus and Yuna make a more interesting couple and I think Yuna is boring and stupid and Tidus is just stupid.
This game wants to be a romance and failed so hard. Your other characters are literally different versions of Squall in the literary sense. Remember the painfully long and arduous flashback where they remembered "hey, didn't we grow up together?" Irvine said something like "people say you can be anything, but I disagree. Sometimes, I didn't have many choices...I'm proud of the choices I made, it's made me who I am." That basically sums it up. 4 characters have identical backgrounds and motivations to the protagonist, they just look and talk different. They're alternate versions of Squall existing alongside him. Mocking him. "You could have been psychologically healthy, but you developed dependency issues as a small boy. Now you have a complex." That's right, this game invested all it's energy into the romance and they couldn't be bothered with creating characters who were different. They were even interchangeable in combat except for their limits but fuck their limits because Renzokuken was badass.
The romance plot was boring and it failed. It was boring. That's actually pretty damning as far as writing criticism is concerned. Boring is probably the worst thing you can say about a piece of writing or art. Squall and Rinoa are boring. Fuck it.
The third thing I think about when I remember this game is Triple Triad. That's the fancy name for the card mini-game. Fuck that mini game. Fuck it to hell. Busywork and plot derailing bullshit. If you had gameshark, you could give yourself all the crap you wanted and you wouldn't even have thought of the card game, but without gameshark, you felt compelled to play it for loot. Some of the loot was good! So good in fact that I wouldn't play the game because you had to get the loot! Awful! Way out of control. You violated the conventions of a natural progression and difficulty curves. It was a godawful boring game too and I couldn't help but exploit it. Help me, I'm sick!
Some of the other things I think about are grinding and characters I hate or parts of the game I'd like to skip. So, in summary, fuck this game now. If you remake it, and I have a feeling we'll get there. It might not be 2022 like the title says, (mostly due to Square Enix having a shittier release schedule than Spoony) but I have a feeling it's definitely going to happen as long as Square Enix is around.
But if you're going to remake it, here's a list of suggestions. The theme of these suggestions is "it's okay to not be faithful to the original this time."
1. Let me name all my party members. Show that they are distinct from NPCs and have actual significance as characters by letting me name them.
2. Fuck cards.
3. Don't do a realistic art style or a modern/futuristic setting. It sucked. Final Fantasy is a sci-fi fantasy yes, but there has always been an emphasis on the fantasy part. If Star Ocean is doing more fantasy than you, you're probably doing something wrong. Make the art more stylized or cartoony. This modern setting and realistic art lends to the game having a more serious tone which was like another cold ice spike of boring in my chest.
4. Don't make Seifer a redhead. I can't take him seriously as a redhead. Or that stupid fucking coat.
5. Give Selphie pants or make sure no one gets rotated along their vertical axis with Scan.
6. Tone Irvine down. It's like Texas fucked Montana and they sent their kid to Japan, and I actually like Irvine.
7. Do everything different with Zell.
8. Make sure you keep the pubes on all the GF.
9. Also, flesh out the GF concept. Junctioning and magic are way too abstract. Obviously, they were focused on writing a love story and couldn't make the rest of the nonsense work.
10. I want to be able to draw more than a maximum of 9 spells at a time. Fuck you for that.
11. Fuck Triple Triad.
12. Bring back Xu.
13. Esther's music sucks. It's overall feel also sucked.
14. Bring back Robin Williams as Headmaster Cid.
15. Laguna and pals were actually really interesting after a while, but flashbacks feel like punishment. These parts of the game were actually a REALLY bad execution in retrospect. These were a part of the game where the concepts of rewards and consequences seemed suspended and you were just riding a plot train in plot limbo. Nothing mattered. You just waited till you could go back to using the real heroes. I do love Laguna, Kiros, and Ward, but KILL YOUR DARLINGS, GODDAMNIT!!!
16. Make Squall funny with a dark side, not depressing.
17. More Quistis sighing sexily. Or no, more Quistis galting gunning shit. No wait, Quistis siging sexily while gatling gunning shit! No, wait. Quistis needs more conflict. All the characters do. Quistis for example sort of dropped off the fucking script after disc 1. She receded into background into the roll of "Xu's friend" and you know it. All the characters actually have a part of the script where they get to be more relevant than just being there, and what little conflict they do have is mundane, boring, and has no decent conclusion. Except Irvine, who, as it is implied, is the only PC to have a conflict unique from the others and he resolves it. Oh wait, no. Shit. Fuck. He's still cool as shit though.
18. Do not fuck with the gunblade. They are the stupidest weapon ever, but goddamnit, you can only make them worse, not better. Actually, The Revolver and Lionheart are the only good looking models Squall uses. Touch that up a bit.
19. Fujin talks like an monster. Raijin talks like an idiot. They're losers because they are have nothing else to do but serve a man regardless of his goals. Oddly enough, they still have more character development than Zell and Quistis while acting as stand-ins for Team goddamned Rocket.
20. Radio Waves don't work that way.
21. Please no more boring puzzle versions of train hijacking.
22. What is Rinoa's goal past liberating Timber? She's kind of just following me around because she's shiftless without her weird liberation friends. I think Rinoa is a bit of a loser. Squall can do better.
23. I don't have faith in your chocobos, Square Enix, but that's fine because chocobos don't suit this setting and are easily missed.
24. The shumi tribe sucked. It's a tribe full of ugly yellow betas who turn into mute lions or something. I remember being treated like a tourist.
25. You need a ridiculously flamboyant character. No, wait. There's enough of that. Don't do that.
26. Try not to write dialogue that sounds like it was written by Japanese anime nerds.
27. Let me skip cut scenes.
28. Voice overs are not worth it.
29. More songs about trains while on trainsohwaitno!
30. No fucking cards.
31. Let me do stuff in Dollet that's actually fun after the Dollet mission.
32. No grey dialogue boxes. Blue is the right color.
Ok, I'd love to make this list go on indefinitely, but here's the big things: that game needs to look different, the characters need a lot of work, Laguna flashbacks need a lot of work-shopping, and fuck cards a lot. Let's use the remake as an opportunity to put some love and craftsmanship into what was a pretty good rough draft. Also, please don't make this game nerdier than it needs to be, I'm 30 now.
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Alternative RPG Maker Damage Formula
Small Stats Formula
With these formulas, if Atk and Def are equal, the damage is half the attackers attack value. They suit games with small number stats because damage scales and remain low and predictable. The highest damage an attacker can do will be equal to its Attack stat and the lowest damage will be 1.
Formula:
DAMAGE = a.ATK^2/(a.ATK+b.DEF)
Attackers Atk = 10
Defenders Def = 10
10^2/(10+10)
100/20
5
Formula rewritten for RPG Maker (because RPG maker can't do exponents?)
DAMAGE = a.ATK * (a.ATK / (a.ATK+b.DEF) ) or Damage = X * (X/(X+Y))
Attackers Atk = 10
Defenders Def = 10
10 * (10 /(10+10))
10 * (10/20)
10 * ( .5)
5
Examples
Attackers attack = a
defenders defense = b
damage = d
d = a * (a/(a+b))
1. Attack and Defense are equal
a = 10 b = 10
d=10(10/(10+10))
d=5
2. Attack is twice defense
a = 20 b = 10
d=20(20/(20+10))
d=13
3. Attack is thrice defense
a = 30 b = 10
d=30(30/(30+10))
d=22.5
4. Attack is definitely higher than defense
a = 43 b = 8
d=43(43/(43+8))
d=36
5. Attack is half of defense
a = 5 b = 10
d=5(5/(5+10))
d=1.25
If you haven't noticed, the above formula is based on the idea that if you are equally matched with your enemy, you will dish out damage that is equal to 50% of your attack stat and no matter how much you outclass your enemy, you will do no greater damage than an amount equal to 100% of your attack stat without a critical. You may also notice that your damage asymptotes. By adding a x2, you can change that 50% when you're equally matched to 100%. This brings us to...
d=x*a*(a/(a+b))
X can represent the level of the attack or spell. Example:
Weak = 0.5
Basic = 1
Medium = 1.2
Strong = 1.5
Very Strong = 2
If X = 2, your damage would be equal to your attack stat (if a.atk = b.def). I prefer to make 2 the basic value of an attack or spell. This way, every point of ATK and every point of DEF has more value, making upgrades from equipment and levels more valuable. If 2 is your normal damage, 3 would net 1.5x damage and 4 would net you 2x damage.
FORMULA 2
Found this one here:
https://www.rpgmakercentral.com/topic/27581-how-to-make-damage-calculation-and-leveling-more-like-final-fantasy/
it's: (a.atk / 2)(a.atk / 2) - (b.def / 3)(b.def / 3)
As the OP puts it, damage scales greatly, see below. I think he's very pleased with it, however it makes Defense a less valuable stat compared to attack.
a.atk=10, 25 damage dealt
a.atk=16, 64 damage dealt
a.atk=20, 100 damage dealt
a.atk=30, 225 damage dealt
a.atk=50, 625 damage dealt
a.atk=70, 1225 damage dealt
a.atk=100, 2500 damage dealt
a.atk=150, 5625 damage dealt
a.atk=200, 9999 damage dealt
if defense is /3 then ^2, this is how much less the base damage will be.
(b.Def / 3)(b.Def / 3)
def damage
10 11
11 13
12 16
13 18.5
14 21
15 25
16 28
17 32
18 36
19 40
20 44
25 69
30 100
35 136
40 177
45 225
50 277
55 336
60 400
70 544
80 711
90 900
99 1089
125 1736
150 2500
175 3402
199 4400
255 7225
300 10,000!
In my opinion, this method of having scaling damage is cool, but it means that 1 point to attack is more valuable than 1 point of defense, which is weird to me. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much? If you back track to an earlier point in the game, you'll be one-shoting everything with obscene numbers and the players might start to think too much too.
Let's say you're going for a damage cap of 9,999. Dividing attack by 3 instead of 2 will net you a base damage of 4400 if your attack power is at 200. If your damage doubles when you crit, you'll be approaching 9900 base damage. Factoring in things like elemental weaknesses and resistances and you're pretty much set.
Just for curiosity, let's look at numbers if you divide stat x by 4.
(b.def/ 4)(b.def / 4)
atk damage
10 6.25
11 7.5
12 9
13 10.5
14 12
15 14
16 16
17 18
18 20
19 22.5
20 25
25 39
30 56
35 76.5
40 100
45 126.5
50 156
55 189
60 225
70 306
80 400
90 506
99 612
125 976
150 1406
175 1914
199 2475
255 4064
300 5625
I might give a try, but my characters stats will be pretty low so that I can keep make damage around 999. In several Final Fantasy games, 5, 6, and 9 for example, your stats were low. The highest Strength state in FF5 was in the 40s. The formulas scaled because the game had a modifier that was the characters level. You can't assign a level to enemies in RPG maker with scripting, however, which is unfortunate.
Let's see what it would look like to compare high attack to low defense.
70 attack vs 20 def is 519 base damage. 80 attack vs 30 defense is 655 base damage.
Atk VS Def = base damage
70 20 519
70 40 444
70 50 388
70 60 319
80 30 655
100 50 922
100 80 711
100 90 605
100 100 486
80 99 99
70 99 0 or 1
80 110 45
90 110 0 or 1
120 150 194
125 150 330
130 150 471
150 150 1094
Based on this information, if the attack and defense are equal, there will be a damage and you will probably be giving enemies a fuck ton of HP. If your attack is too low, you will probably be no match for the enemy. If your attack is much greater than enemy defense, you'll be doing a lot of damage and it makes the numbers look kind of same-y I guess.
If I was developing a game using this number system, I would have to make a spreadsheet and keep I think I would have to micromanage the distribution of points and fine tune to game a little to much.
How to change critical damage.
Here are the steps:
1 - Open up your game folder
2 - Go to "js"
3 - Open up "rpg_objects" (I personally just used word pad)
4 - Find this line:
Game_Action.prototype.applyCritical = function(damage) {
return damage * 3;
Change the "3" to whatever critical damage multiplier you want.
With these formulas, if Atk and Def are equal, the damage is half the attackers attack value. They suit games with small number stats because damage scales and remain low and predictable. The highest damage an attacker can do will be equal to its Attack stat and the lowest damage will be 1.
Formula:
DAMAGE = a.ATK^2/(a.ATK+b.DEF)
Attackers Atk = 10
Defenders Def = 10
10^2/(10+10)
100/20
5
Formula rewritten for RPG Maker (because RPG maker can't do exponents?)
DAMAGE = a.ATK * (a.ATK / (a.ATK+b.DEF) ) or Damage = X * (X/(X+Y))
Attackers Atk = 10
Defenders Def = 10
10 * (10 /(10+10))
10 * (10/20)
10 * ( .5)
5
Examples
Attackers attack = a
defenders defense = b
damage = d
d = a * (a/(a+b))
1. Attack and Defense are equal
a = 10 b = 10
d=10(10/(10+10))
d=5
2. Attack is twice defense
a = 20 b = 10
d=20(20/(20+10))
d=13
3. Attack is thrice defense
a = 30 b = 10
d=30(30/(30+10))
d=22.5
4. Attack is definitely higher than defense
a = 43 b = 8
d=43(43/(43+8))
d=36
5. Attack is half of defense
a = 5 b = 10
d=5(5/(5+10))
d=1.25
If you haven't noticed, the above formula is based on the idea that if you are equally matched with your enemy, you will dish out damage that is equal to 50% of your attack stat and no matter how much you outclass your enemy, you will do no greater damage than an amount equal to 100% of your attack stat without a critical. You may also notice that your damage asymptotes. By adding a x2, you can change that 50% when you're equally matched to 100%. This brings us to...
SPELLS WITH BASE POWER THAT STILL SCALES
If you add a variable as a multiplier to the beginning of the formula, you can increase the damage you do. This variable could represent the strength of the attack or spell or power or etc. Think of spell levels in Final Fantasy for instance.d=x*a*(a/(a+b))
X can represent the level of the attack or spell. Example:
Weak = 0.5
Basic = 1
Medium = 1.2
Strong = 1.5
Very Strong = 2
If X = 2, your damage would be equal to your attack stat (if a.atk = b.def). I prefer to make 2 the basic value of an attack or spell. This way, every point of ATK and every point of DEF has more value, making upgrades from equipment and levels more valuable. If 2 is your normal damage, 3 would net 1.5x damage and 4 would net you 2x damage.
FORMULA 2
Found this one here:
https://www.rpgmakercentral.com/topic/27581-how-to-make-damage-calculation-and-leveling-more-like-final-fantasy/
it's: (a.atk / 2)(a.atk / 2) - (b.def / 3)(b.def / 3)
As the OP puts it, damage scales greatly, see below. I think he's very pleased with it, however it makes Defense a less valuable stat compared to attack.
a.atk=10, 25 damage dealt
a.atk=16, 64 damage dealt
a.atk=20, 100 damage dealt
a.atk=30, 225 damage dealt
a.atk=50, 625 damage dealt
a.atk=70, 1225 damage dealt
a.atk=100, 2500 damage dealt
a.atk=150, 5625 damage dealt
a.atk=200, 9999 damage dealt
if defense is /3 then ^2, this is how much less the base damage will be.
(b.Def / 3)(b.Def / 3)
def damage
10 11
11 13
12 16
13 18.5
14 21
15 25
16 28
17 32
18 36
19 40
20 44
25 69
30 100
35 136
40 177
45 225
50 277
55 336
60 400
70 544
80 711
90 900
99 1089
125 1736
150 2500
175 3402
199 4400
255 7225
300 10,000!
In my opinion, this method of having scaling damage is cool, but it means that 1 point to attack is more valuable than 1 point of defense, which is weird to me. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much? If you back track to an earlier point in the game, you'll be one-shoting everything with obscene numbers and the players might start to think too much too.
Let's say you're going for a damage cap of 9,999. Dividing attack by 3 instead of 2 will net you a base damage of 4400 if your attack power is at 200. If your damage doubles when you crit, you'll be approaching 9900 base damage. Factoring in things like elemental weaknesses and resistances and you're pretty much set.
Just for curiosity, let's look at numbers if you divide stat x by 4.
(b.def/ 4)(b.def / 4)
atk damage
10 6.25
11 7.5
12 9
13 10.5
14 12
15 14
16 16
17 18
18 20
19 22.5
20 25
25 39
30 56
35 76.5
40 100
45 126.5
50 156
55 189
60 225
70 306
80 400
90 506
99 612
125 976
150 1406
175 1914
199 2475
255 4064
300 5625
I might give a try, but my characters stats will be pretty low so that I can keep make damage around 999. In several Final Fantasy games, 5, 6, and 9 for example, your stats were low. The highest Strength state in FF5 was in the 40s. The formulas scaled because the game had a modifier that was the characters level. You can't assign a level to enemies in RPG maker with scripting, however, which is unfortunate.
Let's see what it would look like to compare high attack to low defense.
70 attack vs 20 def is 519 base damage. 80 attack vs 30 defense is 655 base damage.
Atk VS Def = base damage
70 20 519
70 40 444
70 50 388
70 60 319
80 30 655
100 50 922
100 80 711
100 90 605
100 100 486
80 99 99
70 99 0 or 1
80 110 45
90 110 0 or 1
120 150 194
125 150 330
130 150 471
150 150 1094
Based on this information, if the attack and defense are equal, there will be a damage and you will probably be giving enemies a fuck ton of HP. If your attack is too low, you will probably be no match for the enemy. If your attack is much greater than enemy defense, you'll be doing a lot of damage and it makes the numbers look kind of same-y I guess.
If I was developing a game using this number system, I would have to make a spreadsheet and keep I think I would have to micromanage the distribution of points and fine tune to game a little to much.
How to change critical damage.
Here are the steps:
1 - Open up your game folder
2 - Go to "js"
3 - Open up "rpg_objects" (I personally just used word pad)
4 - Find this line:
Game_Action.prototype.applyCritical = function(damage) {
return damage * 3;
Change the "3" to whatever critical damage multiplier you want.
Saturday, June 9, 2018
You are playing as yourself in D&D
What if the IRL you were in any movie, game, comic, etc? The spirit of this idea is that the real life you has been magically transplanted into a setting where magic and dragons are real, such as a D&D setting. You are very likely an ordinary person with a +1 to intelligence at best because you're a nerd. Think about a movie where an ordinary person goes into a fantasy world or the future or something, like Tron or Narnia, but without being lame, or a Doctor Who companion. You could also be the you of that setting. Because of this, the danger and the difficulty are greater than if you were built like an adventurer.
Rules: Take these revisions to the commoner stats (MM345). If you feel these don't suit the IRL you, justify it. Keep in mind, D&D characters are very above average people. D&D assumes 10 is an average ability score and 20 reflects the best a human can be, living or dead. A 15 therefore reflects being 1 and a half times better than average, or half way between what is ordinary for a human and the pinnacle for a human.
Race: What's your IRL race again? Human? Oh, yeah. Don't apply any racial bonuses.
Hit Dice: 1d8 is the hit die recommended for custom creatures that are Medium size in the DMG. 1d6 if you're 4 feet or shorter.
Speed: 30 feet. 25 feet if you're 4 feet or shorter.
Ability Scores: 4x 10s and 2x 11s or 5x 10s and 1x 12. Don't overthink this. If you really are that strong or that smart or etc., consider taking a 12 or a 13 at most.
Saving Throws: Pick any 1 ability that you think suits you.
Languages: Common. You don't know any standard in-game languages. Variant Rule: One other IRL language you know is mysteriously replaced by one standard in-game language.
Skills: Any 3 skills you think suits you.
Proficiency Bonus: +2 at level one, and progress as normal.
Background: Ignore this category.
Alignment: Do you generally obey the law regardless of whether or not you agree and try to be a good person? You might be a mischievous asshole or an indifferent git, but you likely don't function as a malicious person. Good people can do evil things in extreme situations and lawful people can do unlawful things in extreme situations, but let's face it, the worst you get up to is pirating anime and movies. You're lawful good. Deal with it, Clark Kent. You can change your alignment after level 1.
Tools: Any tools or instruments you are actually proficient in.
Game Sets: If you are actually proficient in games besides Skyrim and Monopoly.
Starting Equipment: 1 outfit you own and any objects you ordinarily carry around, plus 1 other item you own that you might have in a common situation for you.
Weapon and Armor Proficiencies: You are proficient in unarmed attacks, clubs, and other simple or martial weapons or armor if you have had formal training.
After Level 1: You can multiclass into any one class you like even if you don't meet the multiclass requirements once. If you want to multiclass again, you must meet the requirements.
Example:
BILL
Human, Lawful good
Hit Points: 8
AC: 10
Speed: 30 ft
Proficiency Bonus +2
Score Mod Save
STR 10
DEX 10
CON 10
INT 11
WIS 11 +2
CHA 10
SKILLS
Insight +2
Investigation +2
Perception +2
TOOLS: Painters Supplies
LANGUAGES: Common
WEAPONS: Clubs
ARMOR: none
INVENTORY:
Common clothes, phone, pen, wallet, shoes, rubber band
Rules: Take these revisions to the commoner stats (MM345). If you feel these don't suit the IRL you, justify it. Keep in mind, D&D characters are very above average people. D&D assumes 10 is an average ability score and 20 reflects the best a human can be, living or dead. A 15 therefore reflects being 1 and a half times better than average, or half way between what is ordinary for a human and the pinnacle for a human.
Race: What's your IRL race again? Human? Oh, yeah. Don't apply any racial bonuses.
Hit Dice: 1d8 is the hit die recommended for custom creatures that are Medium size in the DMG. 1d6 if you're 4 feet or shorter.
Speed: 30 feet. 25 feet if you're 4 feet or shorter.
Ability Scores: 4x 10s and 2x 11s or 5x 10s and 1x 12. Don't overthink this. If you really are that strong or that smart or etc., consider taking a 12 or a 13 at most.
Saving Throws: Pick any 1 ability that you think suits you.
Languages: Common. You don't know any standard in-game languages. Variant Rule: One other IRL language you know is mysteriously replaced by one standard in-game language.
Skills: Any 3 skills you think suits you.
Proficiency Bonus: +2 at level one, and progress as normal.
Background: Ignore this category.
Alignment: Do you generally obey the law regardless of whether or not you agree and try to be a good person? You might be a mischievous asshole or an indifferent git, but you likely don't function as a malicious person. Good people can do evil things in extreme situations and lawful people can do unlawful things in extreme situations, but let's face it, the worst you get up to is pirating anime and movies. You're lawful good. Deal with it, Clark Kent. You can change your alignment after level 1.
Tools: Any tools or instruments you are actually proficient in.
Game Sets: If you are actually proficient in games besides Skyrim and Monopoly.
Starting Equipment: 1 outfit you own and any objects you ordinarily carry around, plus 1 other item you own that you might have in a common situation for you.
Weapon and Armor Proficiencies: You are proficient in unarmed attacks, clubs, and other simple or martial weapons or armor if you have had formal training.
After Level 1: You can multiclass into any one class you like even if you don't meet the multiclass requirements once. If you want to multiclass again, you must meet the requirements.
Example:
BILL
Human, Lawful good
Hit Points: 8
AC: 10
Speed: 30 ft
Proficiency Bonus +2
Score Mod Save
STR 10
DEX 10
CON 10
INT 11
WIS 11 +2
CHA 10
SKILLS
Insight +2
Investigation +2
Perception +2
TOOLS: Painters Supplies
LANGUAGES: Common
WEAPONS: Clubs
ARMOR: none
INVENTORY:
Common clothes, phone, pen, wallet, shoes, rubber band
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Going Nazi Punching
Going nazi punching is at this point synonymous for going on a witch hunt. Nazi punching represents a villainization and persecution of a group of people based on their political beliefs. This can not be allowed in a fair and equal society. People should not be subject to different standards based on their political beliefs. In fact, political ideology is considered a protected class under some laws and treating someone differently based on their political ideology is an illegal form of discrimination. If someone can prove you didn't hire them or didn't serve them because you disagree with their ideology, they can sue you for wrongful discrimination and it would be justified.
Part of the problem with nazi punching is that violent people were going on witch hunts for nazis. The other problem is stupid people were using the presumption of nazi status to justify mistreatment of other people whether they were actually nazis or not. This mistreatment included physical violence, threats, bullying, and ostracization. Nazi punching is based on hysteria, fear mongering, hyper vigilance, and virtue signaling. Another problem with nazi punching is that there just aren't that many nazis around and they aren't doing anything to you. Another problem, nazi punching is a symptom of a breakdown of our freedom of speech. You can't believe in free speech if you don't respect the speech of your enemies. Good ideas beat bad ideas, thugs beat nazis.
If you know what a nazi is, you would be able to appreciate that it stands for national socialism, and yes the third reich was classist and racist. To call someone a nazi implies antisemitism and white supremacy, and should be seen as slander and defamation of character. The term is so loose now, people seem to think it merely means a particularly ugly fascist. You'd have to have something decent to show that someone calling you a nazi meant to call you a racist. If you think about it like that though, it is a ball-less slander because it is so ambiguous. You'll have to show that it did damage to sue.
Part of the problem with nazi punching is that violent people were going on witch hunts for nazis. The other problem is stupid people were using the presumption of nazi status to justify mistreatment of other people whether they were actually nazis or not. This mistreatment included physical violence, threats, bullying, and ostracization. Nazi punching is based on hysteria, fear mongering, hyper vigilance, and virtue signaling. Another problem with nazi punching is that there just aren't that many nazis around and they aren't doing anything to you. Another problem, nazi punching is a symptom of a breakdown of our freedom of speech. You can't believe in free speech if you don't respect the speech of your enemies. Good ideas beat bad ideas, thugs beat nazis.
If you know what a nazi is, you would be able to appreciate that it stands for national socialism, and yes the third reich was classist and racist. To call someone a nazi implies antisemitism and white supremacy, and should be seen as slander and defamation of character. The term is so loose now, people seem to think it merely means a particularly ugly fascist. You'd have to have something decent to show that someone calling you a nazi meant to call you a racist. If you think about it like that though, it is a ball-less slander because it is so ambiguous. You'll have to show that it did damage to sue.
Monday, March 26, 2018
Gun Control is a Red Herring
There is no problem with weapons. The problem is with violence. Violence is the nature of the beast, so to speak. Violence is a part of human nature and a part of life. It's inevitable. Violence is already outlawed in most forms. The only legal forms of violence I can think of are self-defense and use of force by police (which is a whole other issue). Safety is an illusion. You will never be absolutely safe.
To reiterate, there is no problem with weapons. That is a red herring. Some people seem to think that if you make weapons go away, you can make the world a safer, less violent place. How do you propose to demonstrate this? Outlaws don't care about laws, that's why they're called outlaws. If you restrict weapons, that's not going to stop, however much it may inconvenience, outlaws from getting guns. Someone who wants to kill someone bad enough will work it out. Where there's a will there's a way. You could walk into a school with a collection of dishes, smash them on the ground, find a nice big wedge shaped bit and there you have a weapon. At the end of the day, what do you think will stop the bad guy with a weapon? The answer is a good guy with a weapon. This is usually a cop or a some other good Samaritan with a carry permit.
Violence is already forbidden by law. Passing laws on tools and machines to restrict potential violence is redundant and retarded. The problem is not with the weapons, it's with the people. The psychology is harder to understand than the gun, but the fact is guns don't make the decisions. You can't make violence go away by banning guns. You can however make the violence go away. That's far off and away but I a certain humankind will get there. In the meantime, please don't surrender your liberties, even ones you find silly, it will only be a vain gesture or token of idealism and good will.
I can hear you plea "but something has to be done!" You're right but ineffectual. From my point of view, a solution with some promise is more guns. Our culture is still so primitive that we don't have a third solution. Maybe there is no third solution? Respond to violence with violence or respond to violence with no violence. Idealists have been working on this one since forever. I think it's naive of you to think you have the solution. Be like me, a pragmatist. Shoot to protect.
To reiterate, there is no problem with weapons. That is a red herring. Some people seem to think that if you make weapons go away, you can make the world a safer, less violent place. How do you propose to demonstrate this? Outlaws don't care about laws, that's why they're called outlaws. If you restrict weapons, that's not going to stop, however much it may inconvenience, outlaws from getting guns. Someone who wants to kill someone bad enough will work it out. Where there's a will there's a way. You could walk into a school with a collection of dishes, smash them on the ground, find a nice big wedge shaped bit and there you have a weapon. At the end of the day, what do you think will stop the bad guy with a weapon? The answer is a good guy with a weapon. This is usually a cop or a some other good Samaritan with a carry permit.
Violence is already forbidden by law. Passing laws on tools and machines to restrict potential violence is redundant and retarded. The problem is not with the weapons, it's with the people. The psychology is harder to understand than the gun, but the fact is guns don't make the decisions. You can't make violence go away by banning guns. You can however make the violence go away. That's far off and away but I a certain humankind will get there. In the meantime, please don't surrender your liberties, even ones you find silly, it will only be a vain gesture or token of idealism and good will.
I can hear you plea "but something has to be done!" You're right but ineffectual. From my point of view, a solution with some promise is more guns. Our culture is still so primitive that we don't have a third solution. Maybe there is no third solution? Respond to violence with violence or respond to violence with no violence. Idealists have been working on this one since forever. I think it's naive of you to think you have the solution. Be like me, a pragmatist. Shoot to protect.
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Tips for DMs
Being a DM usually means you have more responsibility than the rest of the players. Most likely, you'll be organizing and hosting play sessions and doing all the preparation. Some people are actually really into this, but it can take a lot of you time; don't let it take too much.
Have Fun
Minimalist Preparation
Using the Modules
Something About Creativity
Have Fun
- If you get something wrong, your players won't know and won't care. They're having fun.
Minimalist Preparation
- Don't over-prepare. D&D can have varying degrees of structure, but it is still organic and spontaneous. Get comfortable with improvisation, then get proficient.
- Your players will miss characters and parts of the story or adventure accidentally and on purpose. Hense, don't over prepare.
- If you think about it, you can force anything on your players if you really want to, but be subtle about it.
- Keep your resources handy, such as the the adventure book, players handbook, and Monster Manual. Don't make dozens of notes you don't need.
Using the Modules
- Adventure and campaign modules can be dry and dense. Think of them as a manual for a tour guide. DMs are kind of like tour guides. Read it once for the gist of the plot, setting, and characters, then make notes on the parts you expect to reach before that play session.
- You don't have to follow the modules exactly. You can change, add, or not use anything you want.
- If you recreate maps, don't worry about getting it exact. What matters is if the map you make functionally represents the map provided by the module. Number of rooms, relative dimensions, locations of objects, doors, trap, etc., done.
- As a practice to keep your prep time reasonable, you should freehand your maps at the game table.
- For realism, you can draw the rooms or areas as your players progress and discover them so they don't know what's ahead. Get tape and extra paper if you end up going off the grid.
Something About Creativity
- You're not telling the story, the whole group is. DMs provide a scenario and the group tells you what they do.
- It's normal for one or more players to provide the scenarios and you tell them what the NPCs do. "I attack the king" is the scenario a player provided. What happens?
- Don't tell the players "no" if you can help it. If they want to do something really stupid, say "yes, and..."
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Free D&D Mini Campaign: The Hard Bolt
THE HARD BOLT
INTRODUCTION
As a DM, have you ever wanted to throw certain monsters, traps, puzzles, or other challenges at your players, but had no way to justify it because it was too exotic or dangerous? Well, now you do. This is a companion campaign you can insert into any other campaign with out derailing it or over-complicating it. By itself, it is literally a fetch quest with potential for many interesting scenes.
SYNOPSIS
The players, one way or another, enter a cave home to Harvyn Gad, an old, blind, human wizard. Maybe they just wanted out of the rain. The cave is completely dark. Harvyn seems like a very nice old man. He serves the players food and/or drinks that have a special poison he created and called Hard Bolt. Every time the players take an 8 hour rest, they will have a nightmare. In each nightmare, they will have a challenge, monster, obstacle, or sometimes a short dungeon to overcome. They are not in any real danger in these dreams, nor are they rewarded with treasure or experience points. However, if they die in the dream, they wake up without feeling completely refreshed and possibly incur a level of exhaustion. The difficulty levels of the challenges can actually much lower and more nerfed than one would expect so that a dungeon master can make a low level party fight all sorts of normally powerful monsters, such as dragons.
The old man tasks the party with finding his crystal eye, an item he uses to see, which was stolen from him by his apprentice, Jimlan Ko, a hafling wizard. If they can return the eye to Harvyn, he will give them the antidote. The party will eventually track down the apprentice, who traded the eye away to a merchant for a spellbook with some powerful wizard category spells. The party can take the spell book by force if they want, and any players who can use magic from the wizard spell list can copy spells from it.
When the party catches up with the merchant Ebban Floe, it is in the middle of a big city with lots of people and guards, and he is unwilling to part with the eye for nothing. The party could steal it, offer to buy it for 6,500 gp, or negotiate for it. If the party attempts to steal it, they may be caught and reported to the city guard. If the party wants to negotiate for it, they will have to present the merchant with an equally valuable magic item or make a promise to serve the merchant for a while. They basically agree to serve him for an extended period of time, as body guards, escorts, messengers, or do dangerous quests. The merchant will ultimately ask them to undergo a particular challenge to fetch a magical artifact from a dungeon. This is a particularly valuable artifact and a particularly dangerous dungeon/ruin. The merchant may give the party something to do to built up some trust at any time, such as deliver goods or services for him.
NIGHTMARES
Every time your players make a long rest, you can describe to them their horrible nightmares or, make them do something you choose or by rolling from a table.
01 Something valuable has been lost or stolen
02 Encounter a crying child over their slain parent
03 Fight a diseased, madman
04 Solve a puzzle
05 Attempt to open a trapped treasure chest
06 Bail water out of your boat before it sinks. Make Strength/Athletics checks to win
07 Climb a cliff
08 Run from a pack of wolves
09 Fight a dragon
10 Your party is poisoned and must make cons saves/heal themselves
11 Run a gauntlet of monsters and traps
12 Cross a dangerous bridge
13 Fight an ogre
14 Slove a riddle or get hurt
15 etc.
16 Insert the party into a western setting with guns, have them duel a NPC
17 The party has futuristic weapons and they fight monsters
18 The party fights a werewolf
19 The party has to steak a vampire
20 The party has to craft an item
21 The party has taken prisoners an NPC instructs them to kill
22 The party has to fight a high level bard
23 the party fights a high level monk
24 the party has to fight a high level fighter
25 the party has to fight a high level wizard
26 the party fights a demon
27 the party fights a devil
28 the party has magic weapons and fights a giant
29 the party has magic weapons and fights a high level monster
30 one party member is a hostage. Two party members have to fight each other
31 the party has to rescue people trapped inside a burning tavern
32 the party has to fight a king and his champion
33 the party has to fight a high level, oath breaker paladin
34 the party has to identify a monster disguised as a peasant in a crowd and kill it
35 the party has to solve a puzzle of two lying door guardians
36 the party has to solve a puzzle of a flooding room
37 the party has to escape quick sand
38 the party has futuristic weapons and has to fight giant
39 the party has futuristic weapons and has to fight a demon
40 the party has encounters a fire elemental
41 the party encounters a water elemental
42 encounter an earth elemental
43 encounters a wind elemental
44 the party has to wade through sewers
45 the party checks into a filthy, cheap inn filled with riffraff
46 the party has to bare-knuckle box a tavern
47 the party has to escape a prison
48 the party sneaks up on a camp of goblins about to cook a person.
49 the party has to fight a mindflayer with a high level cleric NPC ally
50 the party has to fight a beholder with a high level wizard NPC ally
51 the party has to fight a dragon with a high level berserker NPC ally
52 the party has is negotiating a hostage exchange
53 the party is fighting a sea monster. they can breathe underwater
54 an evil ghost attacks the party at their camp
55 3 zombies attack the party at their camp
56 a fairy steals something from the party
57 a familiar steals something from the party
58 the party fights a party of wizards for a bowl of soup
59 the party fights a party of thieves for an onion
60 the party fights has to negotiate a trade with an unreasonable madman
61 the party has to sneak past a bridge troll
62 the party has to get past a guard without fighting
63 the party is cursed and will turn to stone unless they dance
64 the party is compelled to sing by a bard. if they don't stop, they lose a bet to him and must serve him
65 the party has to beat an NPC at a game of cards
66 the party has to beat an NPC at a game of chess
67 the party has to tell a joke to make a golem laugh
68 the party has to win an archery contest
69 the party has to win a fencing tournament
70 the party has to make a sculpture that will please a king
71 the party has to make a painting for a nobleman
72 the party has to find a missing person
73 the party has to solve a murder
74 the party has to solve a theft
75 the party has to cook a meal for a nobleman
76 the party has is given a set of objects to choose from, one more than the number of PCs. One item will save them from a deadly curse. If no one guesses the correct item, they lose
77 the party gets to make a magical wish. any knowledge gained from this experience is now character knowledge.
78 a player is offered a choice between two magic weapons/items. One is cursed, one is not. The party has to try and pick the right one.
79 The party has no equipment and has to fight a group of goblins
80 the party has to pickpocket someone/something
81 the party has to intimidate someone
82 the party has to persuade someone
83 the party has to deceive someone
84 the party has to cut one of three ropes. one will open a door set them free, one does nothing, one will set off a trap.
85 the characters hands are bound slaves and have to fight something
86 some characters are randomly bound and are being attacked
87 the party's camp is attacked by a giant
88 the party's camp is attack by another party
89 the party has accumulated exhausted and must fight something
90 the party has to save against madness and then immediately fight something
91 one of the party members is captured by goblins. the others must rescue
92 the party is tied up and must escape while their captors are asleep
93 the party has to sneak out of a camp of enemies
94 each party member has a broken arm or leg and they must fight something
95 each party member is blinded, sick, or frightened and must fight something
96 each party member must save against being charmed. Those who fail attack those who succeed
97 the party lost in a storm and must find shelter
98 the party's equipment hurts them to wear, and they have to fight a bugbear
99 the party encounters a hostile lion or bear or alligator.
00 a player is injured and must drink a health potion, but ends up transforming into someone or something.
DIFFICULTY CHALLENGE
The physics of a dream are sometimes different than real life. The difficulty should be suited to your players. Powerful monsters such as dragons should be adjusted to be an even match. Seemingly simple challenges should be even easier or a lot harder than one would expect, while seemingly impossible tasks may become simple. The players are having dreams after all. Make up anything and throw it at your players, keep them amused for a few minutes, and then tell them they wake up. You can give your players levels, items or spells they wouldn't ordinarily have.
META PLOT
You can have an alternate campaign going simultaneously as they dream, foreshadow the next campaign, or use this an an opportunity to give them hints and tips about their current quests, or resolve any plot issues you or the players may have caused by missing or skipping something.
INTRODUCTION
As a DM, have you ever wanted to throw certain monsters, traps, puzzles, or other challenges at your players, but had no way to justify it because it was too exotic or dangerous? Well, now you do. This is a companion campaign you can insert into any other campaign with out derailing it or over-complicating it. By itself, it is literally a fetch quest with potential for many interesting scenes.
SYNOPSIS
The players, one way or another, enter a cave home to Harvyn Gad, an old, blind, human wizard. Maybe they just wanted out of the rain. The cave is completely dark. Harvyn seems like a very nice old man. He serves the players food and/or drinks that have a special poison he created and called Hard Bolt. Every time the players take an 8 hour rest, they will have a nightmare. In each nightmare, they will have a challenge, monster, obstacle, or sometimes a short dungeon to overcome. They are not in any real danger in these dreams, nor are they rewarded with treasure or experience points. However, if they die in the dream, they wake up without feeling completely refreshed and possibly incur a level of exhaustion. The difficulty levels of the challenges can actually much lower and more nerfed than one would expect so that a dungeon master can make a low level party fight all sorts of normally powerful monsters, such as dragons.
The old man tasks the party with finding his crystal eye, an item he uses to see, which was stolen from him by his apprentice, Jimlan Ko, a hafling wizard. If they can return the eye to Harvyn, he will give them the antidote. The party will eventually track down the apprentice, who traded the eye away to a merchant for a spellbook with some powerful wizard category spells. The party can take the spell book by force if they want, and any players who can use magic from the wizard spell list can copy spells from it.
When the party catches up with the merchant Ebban Floe, it is in the middle of a big city with lots of people and guards, and he is unwilling to part with the eye for nothing. The party could steal it, offer to buy it for 6,500 gp, or negotiate for it. If the party attempts to steal it, they may be caught and reported to the city guard. If the party wants to negotiate for it, they will have to present the merchant with an equally valuable magic item or make a promise to serve the merchant for a while. They basically agree to serve him for an extended period of time, as body guards, escorts, messengers, or do dangerous quests. The merchant will ultimately ask them to undergo a particular challenge to fetch a magical artifact from a dungeon. This is a particularly valuable artifact and a particularly dangerous dungeon/ruin. The merchant may give the party something to do to built up some trust at any time, such as deliver goods or services for him.
NIGHTMARES
Every time your players make a long rest, you can describe to them their horrible nightmares or, make them do something you choose or by rolling from a table.
01 Something valuable has been lost or stolen
02 Encounter a crying child over their slain parent
03 Fight a diseased, madman
04 Solve a puzzle
05 Attempt to open a trapped treasure chest
06 Bail water out of your boat before it sinks. Make Strength/Athletics checks to win
07 Climb a cliff
08 Run from a pack of wolves
09 Fight a dragon
10 Your party is poisoned and must make cons saves/heal themselves
11 Run a gauntlet of monsters and traps
12 Cross a dangerous bridge
13 Fight an ogre
14 Slove a riddle or get hurt
15 etc.
16 Insert the party into a western setting with guns, have them duel a NPC
17 The party has futuristic weapons and they fight monsters
18 The party fights a werewolf
19 The party has to steak a vampire
20 The party has to craft an item
21 The party has taken prisoners an NPC instructs them to kill
22 The party has to fight a high level bard
23 the party fights a high level monk
24 the party has to fight a high level fighter
25 the party has to fight a high level wizard
26 the party fights a demon
27 the party fights a devil
28 the party has magic weapons and fights a giant
29 the party has magic weapons and fights a high level monster
30 one party member is a hostage. Two party members have to fight each other
31 the party has to rescue people trapped inside a burning tavern
32 the party has to fight a king and his champion
33 the party has to fight a high level, oath breaker paladin
34 the party has to identify a monster disguised as a peasant in a crowd and kill it
35 the party has to solve a puzzle of two lying door guardians
36 the party has to solve a puzzle of a flooding room
37 the party has to escape quick sand
38 the party has futuristic weapons and has to fight giant
39 the party has futuristic weapons and has to fight a demon
40 the party has encounters a fire elemental
41 the party encounters a water elemental
42 encounter an earth elemental
43 encounters a wind elemental
44 the party has to wade through sewers
45 the party checks into a filthy, cheap inn filled with riffraff
46 the party has to bare-knuckle box a tavern
47 the party has to escape a prison
48 the party sneaks up on a camp of goblins about to cook a person.
49 the party has to fight a mindflayer with a high level cleric NPC ally
50 the party has to fight a beholder with a high level wizard NPC ally
51 the party has to fight a dragon with a high level berserker NPC ally
52 the party has is negotiating a hostage exchange
53 the party is fighting a sea monster. they can breathe underwater
54 an evil ghost attacks the party at their camp
55 3 zombies attack the party at their camp
56 a fairy steals something from the party
57 a familiar steals something from the party
58 the party fights a party of wizards for a bowl of soup
59 the party fights a party of thieves for an onion
60 the party fights has to negotiate a trade with an unreasonable madman
61 the party has to sneak past a bridge troll
62 the party has to get past a guard without fighting
63 the party is cursed and will turn to stone unless they dance
64 the party is compelled to sing by a bard. if they don't stop, they lose a bet to him and must serve him
65 the party has to beat an NPC at a game of cards
66 the party has to beat an NPC at a game of chess
67 the party has to tell a joke to make a golem laugh
68 the party has to win an archery contest
69 the party has to win a fencing tournament
70 the party has to make a sculpture that will please a king
71 the party has to make a painting for a nobleman
72 the party has to find a missing person
73 the party has to solve a murder
74 the party has to solve a theft
75 the party has to cook a meal for a nobleman
76 the party has is given a set of objects to choose from, one more than the number of PCs. One item will save them from a deadly curse. If no one guesses the correct item, they lose
77 the party gets to make a magical wish. any knowledge gained from this experience is now character knowledge.
78 a player is offered a choice between two magic weapons/items. One is cursed, one is not. The party has to try and pick the right one.
79 The party has no equipment and has to fight a group of goblins
80 the party has to pickpocket someone/something
81 the party has to intimidate someone
82 the party has to persuade someone
83 the party has to deceive someone
84 the party has to cut one of three ropes. one will open a door set them free, one does nothing, one will set off a trap.
85 the characters hands are bound slaves and have to fight something
86 some characters are randomly bound and are being attacked
87 the party's camp is attacked by a giant
88 the party's camp is attack by another party
89 the party has accumulated exhausted and must fight something
90 the party has to save against madness and then immediately fight something
91 one of the party members is captured by goblins. the others must rescue
92 the party is tied up and must escape while their captors are asleep
93 the party has to sneak out of a camp of enemies
94 each party member has a broken arm or leg and they must fight something
95 each party member is blinded, sick, or frightened and must fight something
96 each party member must save against being charmed. Those who fail attack those who succeed
97 the party lost in a storm and must find shelter
98 the party's equipment hurts them to wear, and they have to fight a bugbear
99 the party encounters a hostile lion or bear or alligator.
00 a player is injured and must drink a health potion, but ends up transforming into someone or something.
DIFFICULTY CHALLENGE
The physics of a dream are sometimes different than real life. The difficulty should be suited to your players. Powerful monsters such as dragons should be adjusted to be an even match. Seemingly simple challenges should be even easier or a lot harder than one would expect, while seemingly impossible tasks may become simple. The players are having dreams after all. Make up anything and throw it at your players, keep them amused for a few minutes, and then tell them they wake up. You can give your players levels, items or spells they wouldn't ordinarily have.
META PLOT
You can have an alternate campaign going simultaneously as they dream, foreshadow the next campaign, or use this an an opportunity to give them hints and tips about their current quests, or resolve any plot issues you or the players may have caused by missing or skipping something.
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