Let's talk about handheld gaming systems. Stupid fucking idea. The point of the handheld is portability, right? No one games(verb) on-the-go. There are no good games to be played on the go. No one wants to make games for handhelds. And who is the intended consumer of this POS? Children? Children have no money of their own. Plus, most parents would rather have their child exercising if they're playing outside. Also, electronic devices are not allowed in schools. So when and where are children going to play their handhelds?

Adults won't play handhelds either. Why? Just ask yourself: would you feel comfortable playing a gaming device in public? Probly not. You'll look immature and repel all potential friends or romantic interests.

My favorite handheld POS is the Nintendo DS. Apparently Nintento become ashamed of the iconic brand of their former handheld machine. Gameboy. Game. Boy. Sounds like a toy; a toy for boys, and not for girls, women, or men. Nintendo DS however, sounds just like iPod. Speaking of iPods, Apple, your screens crack like an ass! Go to japan and get some screens from nintendo cause the DS screens last longer than the first month! Now, I love how the DS has 2 screens and I love how they're arranged vertically because so are our eyes. Quick question for you, reader: Do you think Nintendo actually expects you to play games with a stick? The answer is no. Nintendo has a fetish for innovation, and they don't care how stupid. Actually, a stick sounds like the opposite of innovation. This DS bullcrap was just a gimmick.

You know what I liked about the gameboy was that you could get an accessory for your SNES called Super Gameboy. It was a snes cart with a slot for gameboy paks. Good god, look at all those terms. This was an awesome idea because it meant that when you got tired of staring at a bullshit screen that was small and dark, shifting back and forth from one uncomfortable position to another, and going through a new set of batteries ever 20 hours or so, you could say fuck it and play your favorite on-the-go games at home ON YOUR TV. This was an awesome idea: At home games you could play on the go. You never have to stop! But I guess Nintento feared this somewhat undermined the gameboy, because if everyone had a super gameboy, they wouldn't touch a gameboy ever again. And what would be the purpose of the gameboy?

And that's why Super Gameboy carts were always impossible to find.

But seriously, the best innovation Nintendo ever had was integrating portable and home gaming. If you could connect a portable gaming device to a tv, you would never use it otherwise and gaming companies know that. That's the genius behind the dual screens. Your tv has only one screen. If you could play your DS games on a TV, that undermines the gimmick, you see.

Now let's talk about the other flaw of portable gaming. Portable gaming is for pokemon. If you have a DS, you have pokemon. Pokemon is a game series with it's own gimmick: trading. You have to have the link cable accessory to connect two gameboys, you see. Trading pokemon with your friends is the only way to complete the game.

WELL I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO PLAYED POKEMON, ASSHOLES! MY FRIENDS WEREN'T NERDS! I certainly wouldn't have nerd friends today, NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT.

Anyway, this concept of link cables is obsolete. With online gaming, you don't need pricy accessories or friends! So go fuck yourself, Nintendo. Handheld gaming sucks.