Here's a list of something that's pretty annoying. It's annoying because it's obvious. If you don't like your body, I can walk any busy city street and find you 10 decent people who WOULD FUCK YOU, IMMEDIATELY. This is the kind of stuff that you learn and understand as you mature but maybe you can't appreciate before.
This list was laughably pitiful, so I took the liberty of creating a similar list for men, who also have list needs that are sated by lists of things. The point is to reflect how your inane list comes across to me.
10 FACTS EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW:
1. Your balls are huge!
2. No one has abs. Enjoy eating junk!
3. There are definitely people out there who think the size of your penis in not important. If you meet someone who thinks it is, they're probably not right for you. Don't worry about it.
4. It's called manscaping and it's universal. If that doesn't work for you, find someone with a body hair fetish.
5. Bald or baling? That's OK for men! Own that shit! Own that shit hardcore!
6. Don't look for a woman to save you. From danger? Call a fire fighter. They're nicer than the police. From the IRS? Call an accountant? Wha?
7. It's OK to masturbate 3 times a day. It's also natural. It's also natural to be inappropriately attracted to body parts.
8. No one is perfect. If you meet someone who you think comes close, you might need a dictionary. The concept of perfection is abstract and unattainable. There, now you know something. You're welcome.
9. If someone needs to be told that they should be a priority as opposed to a option, last resort, or backup plan, that's pretty sad. You should do something for them. I would defifnitely do something for them.
10. You're a man. That makes you fuckin' awesome! And since all men are fuckin' awesome, that makes the whole concept of being fuckin' awesome completely redundant. Calm down.
Sometimes, we all need to take off our captain obvious hats, which I presume looks like a giant, conspicuous boner trapped in spandex.
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