I don't know why COPPA is a youtuber's responsibility. If I create any video that a child might like and my video settings make it use advertising, I can get fined by the FCC? Not sure how that's my problem if I'm not in charge of the ads or the ad mechanics. Whathever. I have 60 Resident Evil gameplay videos I set to private. Below is a list of things you can do about this COPPA thing and I don't even want to contemplate how this could be some censorial conspiracy to control the internet and control the types of ideas we spread online.
1. Complain to the FCC with well reasoned and respectfully argued points using data and specific real world examples.
2. Leave youtube forever and resume your normal internet video making career on pornhub instead.
If anyone has any other ideas, I'm open to it. Why don't we start our own video uploading platform that can exist without ad revenue? Maybe take a share of each video makers donations and pay pal stuff and sponsorships and fundraising and merchandise peddling only.
The trick is you have to still comply with youtube content guidelines but now you have to make your content less appealing and certainly not kid friendly. I suspect people will just have to invent a new language to get around this like a code or a thieves' cant. Anytime Nintendo's Mario is the subject of the video, you can't say his name or show a picture of him. Instead, you'll have to refer to him by a code name and only use symbols for visual representation, like a chemical symbol Ju (that stands for Jump, Mario is a chemical made from Ju).
So here's a list of other things you can do to keep your videos in the clear.
1. Make boring af thumbnails. Use old timey photos of old timey hats.
2. Put an audio and visual disclaimer "This video is not suitable for anyone under 13" in the first 5 seconds of your video. Do not say "this video is intended for anyone 13 and up." You need to explicitly say "not suitable."
3. Put "Mature Content" in the front of all your titles. Example: "Mature Content - Let's Play Pokemon Sword part 23"
4. Do not use saturated colors. Use a lot of neutral colors or black and
white. Actually, make all your videos in black and white. Actually, just upload the audio only and make sure the video is just
black.
5. Use less art assets and get new art assets that would not be suitable for kids or put all
your assets through a good to garbage filter in photoshop so that
everything looks like crap. This includes sound effects and music. Instead of the theme from Superman,
use death metal instead.
6. Take your shirt off (male) and open your shirt (female). The Youtube community decided long ago that shirtless videos were tacky. Guess what's coming back into style?
7. Allow quality to slip in your videos. Shoot and edit your videos with "poor quality" in mind. Put a book under one of the legs of your tripod. Kids don't want to watch crooked videos probably.
8. Talk like a robot. Be boring. Talk like you're depressed and bored. Use your plainest voice possible. Be monotone and grammatically correct at all times. Present your videos like you're really sad or like your extremely light headed and you may pass out every other sentence. Introduce bad sound mixing and use poor quality microphones.
7. Eat like a slob in your videos. It's not interesting or funny and kids don't want to watch that.
9. Dress in professional attire and get a business hair cut or wear your hair up. Actually, shave your head. Shave your eyebrows too. Don't wear any make up either.
10. Get rid of attractiveness in your backgrounds. Make sure the only thing in your shots is you and a plain white wall. Tack a turd to the wall.
11. Be creepy. Light your videos like a creep. For inspiration, watch horror movies about scary, creepy mother fuckers and imitate the cinematography in your videos. Shoot as much guerrilla style as you can. Imitate creepy characters and try to invoke genuine fear rather than amusement.
12. Talk about cement mixing a lot.
13. Say "I'm God" and tell everyone to kill puppies a lot.
14. Break your own fingers on video. No one wants to see that shit.
15. When streaming games such as Mario Party or Pokemon, obscure the gameplay footage with random bullshit and turn it upside down. Make sure if you appear in the video that you're performing various icky animal husbandry tasks on sick ranch and barn animals.
16. Pick your nose till it bleeds, then shoot the video. Do not clean off your face or attempt to stop the bleeding.
17. Make your video with your back to the camera. Studies show that kids are bored by the back of peoples heads.
18. Write the words "fuck you" across your forehead. Flip the bird a lot.
19. Only film your shins. Nothing below the ankle or above the knee is allowed. Say "the moon landing is a hoax" randomly once per minute.
That's all I have for now. Youtubers are going to have to get really creative and I'm interested in seeing what they do and I hope some of it is as clever as what's on this list. Seriously though, put in a disclaimer, only make your videos in black and white, intentionally skimp on quality and assets or impose poor quality. We got this.
Sunday, November 24, 2019
Monday, November 11, 2019
I Have Joined the Fandom Menace
Good news, everyone! And by everyone, I mean all 0 of my readers. I have joined the Fandom Menace. What's the Fandom Menace? It's the boycott of Disney Star Wars. Why boycott Disney Star Wars? Do some research and you will see things that have been said and done by the creators on the sequel trilogy that might not look harmful, bad, wrong, or immoral, but they're definitely a turnoff and when you hold everything up together it paints an overall bad picture of the state of Disney and Star Wars today. At the very least, the oldest and most dedicated fans of Star Wars, the people who have made Star Wars what it is by giving Lucas Film their money, are not happy with how poorly the new movies have turned out. If you like the new movies, good for you. If you'd be so kind, look up Overlord DVD (Overlord Dicktor Von Doomcock, love the name!) or Nerdrotic or MauLer on Youtube. MauLer has done an amazing in-depth scene-by-scene breakdown of the new Star Wars movies and explains why the writing is simply poor. Overlord DVD and Nerdrotic have shared some details and some insight and some perspective on how well Star Wars is actually doing.
Here's what you need to consider about story telling: Why is your story worth telling? If you say "for funsies," there's nothing wrong with that! However, holy shit, hold my beer! I want someone with passion telling a story that they feel will be enriching to the setting and the characters. The story comes first, the audience comes after. Next, you have to have some writing integrity and you have to be able to evaluate whether you're the guy to take the reigns; I'm not (but I have some ideas!). If you want to contribute to Star Wars, you should really do your research because it's a big universe with a lot of lore. If you don't know what you're doing, you might break something. Have some respect for the canon and let someone with more knowledge of the intellectual property go up to bat. Finally, handle everything else with care by having a goddamn plan. New Star Wars is basically a rough draft. The writers are making it up as they go (Rian Johnson admitted that he rejected JJ's notes). That's a shame. I think a writer who is also a seasoned Star Wars inductee should go through a few versions of their script to ensure quality; are their ideas developed and what matters?
So here's the thing. I'm not mad. I've seen my favorite intellectual properties tarnished. I'm over it, but I love watching the fall out! There's so much schadenfreude! Here's a message to Bob Iger: Bob, you suck. You ruined Star Wars. Yes, you were in charge, you ruined Star Wars. I hope you ask for forgiveness and try your best to make everything right again. I believe it can be done. Please please please for the love of god, only put talented, hardcore Star Wars nerds, people in charge of the next project. Emphasis on the hardcore nerd part. You can't go wrong with Dave Filoni. He's proven himself with his Clone Wars series. You know what? Just think of it like this: The people who are in charge of Star Wars should not be new to Star Wars (cough cough, Rian Johnson JJ Abrams, cough hack) in fact, they should be trained to tell a Star Wars story by the last keeper of the lore, like a master and his protege, and only that chain of master and protege should be in charge; like Dave fucking Filoni. Hire his cowboy hat wearing ass.
Or, you could put Star Wars in the public domain where it probably belongs.
I had some ideas just thinking about the subtitle The Force Awakens. It's a shit subtitle, but whatever. When I think of the Force awakening, I imagine that's a figurative way of saying that the Jedi order is back. The stories really should be about what happens after the original trilogy. Did Luke go on to rebuild the Jedi Order? I would fucking hope so! "And here's how it turned out after 30 years" should be the last line of the iconic text crawl for episode 7. Here's a list of things we haven't seen in the Star Wars universe (to my knowledge, hence, this is why I don't nominate myself to be in charge of Star Wars) that we could explore in episode 7:
Also, Rei is boring. I don't think that because I'm a misogynist or something. I'm not a misogynist, in fact, I like me a good female protagonist! I was watching Sailor Moon when I was 8 till it stopped airing and I read the manga in my early 20s, deal with it. Characters have to have conflict. Conflicts have stakes. What are stakes? That stakes are what is at stake: what you stand to gain if you succeed and lose if you fail. Conflicts affect each characters uniquely. Everyone can be united in their common goal to defeat the villain, but each of them has unique stakes. That's what makes characters unique and interesting. If everyone is literally there for the same reason (cough cough Final Fantasy 8), then the characters are basically interchangeable. So, why does Rei want to stop the First Order and defend the Republic? What's in it for her? She starts out with nothing, she gets swept up in the conflict, she stays for her friends. She has a problem with Kyloh Ren because he's a father figure murdering douche and Kyloh Ren wants her butt. OK, cool. So, where's the weight of this plot falling on Rei? What's the threat? What does she stand to gain for winning that's so important and why do we want it so bad? Is there a boot coming down on her neck that she's unprepared for (that's called tension, suspense, mystery, and complication)? In other words, why is she even here? I want to like Rei, but she's clearly there because the writers wanted a girl character and they don't have the guts to stress test her and put her through her paces. I want see this girl try as hard as she can and fail. I want it to hurt. I want her to learn something and change. I want her to adapt and then I want her to change the rules on her antagonists. Why? Because people like to see underdogs rise to glory. Even Jesus got his ass kicked.
Adversity means nothing unless you have something more important to care about. What does Rei care about? I don't know, but it remind of this anime movie called X. Look it up because it's got some neat concepts and art, but don't watch it because it's boring. In this movie, there's two groups of psychics in conflict for some reason. There's a good side and a bad side. Each side is playing for keeps and they each recruit a high school boy. The good team picks a boy who has no drive and he doesn't understand the plot, but he's special. He's some kind of prophesied chosen one or something. Every good character dies protecting him and it's sad and brutal and he doesn't even care or look like he knows what's going on. Then, after the bad guy actually kills someone the good school boy cares about in the last 30 second of the movie, the hero actually does something and effortlessly kills the major villain then he curls up into a ball and cries. Then the credits roll and you think "that fucking sucked." Rei is slightly more proactive than that.
Here's what you need to consider about story telling: Why is your story worth telling? If you say "for funsies," there's nothing wrong with that! However, holy shit, hold my beer! I want someone with passion telling a story that they feel will be enriching to the setting and the characters. The story comes first, the audience comes after. Next, you have to have some writing integrity and you have to be able to evaluate whether you're the guy to take the reigns; I'm not (but I have some ideas!). If you want to contribute to Star Wars, you should really do your research because it's a big universe with a lot of lore. If you don't know what you're doing, you might break something. Have some respect for the canon and let someone with more knowledge of the intellectual property go up to bat. Finally, handle everything else with care by having a goddamn plan. New Star Wars is basically a rough draft. The writers are making it up as they go (Rian Johnson admitted that he rejected JJ's notes). That's a shame. I think a writer who is also a seasoned Star Wars inductee should go through a few versions of their script to ensure quality; are their ideas developed and what matters?
So here's the thing. I'm not mad. I've seen my favorite intellectual properties tarnished. I'm over it, but I love watching the fall out! There's so much schadenfreude! Here's a message to Bob Iger: Bob, you suck. You ruined Star Wars. Yes, you were in charge, you ruined Star Wars. I hope you ask for forgiveness and try your best to make everything right again. I believe it can be done. Please please please for the love of god, only put talented, hardcore Star Wars nerds, people in charge of the next project. Emphasis on the hardcore nerd part. You can't go wrong with Dave Filoni. He's proven himself with his Clone Wars series. You know what? Just think of it like this: The people who are in charge of Star Wars should not be new to Star Wars (cough cough, Rian Johnson JJ Abrams, cough hack) in fact, they should be trained to tell a Star Wars story by the last keeper of the lore, like a master and his protege, and only that chain of master and protege should be in charge; like Dave fucking Filoni. Hire his cowboy hat wearing ass.
Or, you could put Star Wars in the public domain where it probably belongs.
I had some ideas just thinking about the subtitle The Force Awakens. It's a shit subtitle, but whatever. When I think of the Force awakening, I imagine that's a figurative way of saying that the Jedi order is back. The stories really should be about what happens after the original trilogy. Did Luke go on to rebuild the Jedi Order? I would fucking hope so! "And here's how it turned out after 30 years" should be the last line of the iconic text crawl for episode 7. Here's a list of things we haven't seen in the Star Wars universe (to my knowledge, hence, this is why I don't nominate myself to be in charge of Star Wars) that we could explore in episode 7:
- First and foremost, and most obvious of all, you could tell a story about HOW A JEDI ORDER GETS STARTED!
- Establish a character as a Jedi Knight and tell the story of how the Jedi Knight becomes a Jedi Master. We've seen Padawan's become Knights, but we haven't see how Knights become Masters.
- A Jedi who embraces the grey, middle ground between the light side and the dark side. What is the reception? How does this force user cope and evolve? Is this the redemption story of a dangerous social pariah or the start of something grand and new?
- How Jedi Hunters make a comeback after two generations of no Jedi, or at the very least, how Jedi Hunters even fucking start! Do they see a new opportunity for business and seize it like a boss or do they just some bored badass who wants a new challenge?
- How an exclusively light force user (such as a Jedi) comes to exclusively embrace the dark side. Essentially, tell a story about how a Sith is made when there are no Sith around to make a Sith.
- What kind of work does a Jedi Order in it's infancy do? Do they rescue princesses from dragons in a wilderness? Do they fight ninja thief clans on the boarderlands? Do they fight evil crime lords in a sprawling metropolis? What are some environments we haven't see in Star Wars yet? What if people think the Jedi are a pretentious, useless class?
Also, Rei is boring. I don't think that because I'm a misogynist or something. I'm not a misogynist, in fact, I like me a good female protagonist! I was watching Sailor Moon when I was 8 till it stopped airing and I read the manga in my early 20s, deal with it. Characters have to have conflict. Conflicts have stakes. What are stakes? That stakes are what is at stake: what you stand to gain if you succeed and lose if you fail. Conflicts affect each characters uniquely. Everyone can be united in their common goal to defeat the villain, but each of them has unique stakes. That's what makes characters unique and interesting. If everyone is literally there for the same reason (cough cough Final Fantasy 8), then the characters are basically interchangeable. So, why does Rei want to stop the First Order and defend the Republic? What's in it for her? She starts out with nothing, she gets swept up in the conflict, she stays for her friends. She has a problem with Kyloh Ren because he's a father figure murdering douche and Kyloh Ren wants her butt. OK, cool. So, where's the weight of this plot falling on Rei? What's the threat? What does she stand to gain for winning that's so important and why do we want it so bad? Is there a boot coming down on her neck that she's unprepared for (that's called tension, suspense, mystery, and complication)? In other words, why is she even here? I want to like Rei, but she's clearly there because the writers wanted a girl character and they don't have the guts to stress test her and put her through her paces. I want see this girl try as hard as she can and fail. I want it to hurt. I want her to learn something and change. I want her to adapt and then I want her to change the rules on her antagonists. Why? Because people like to see underdogs rise to glory. Even Jesus got his ass kicked.
Adversity means nothing unless you have something more important to care about. What does Rei care about? I don't know, but it remind of this anime movie called X. Look it up because it's got some neat concepts and art, but don't watch it because it's boring. In this movie, there's two groups of psychics in conflict for some reason. There's a good side and a bad side. Each side is playing for keeps and they each recruit a high school boy. The good team picks a boy who has no drive and he doesn't understand the plot, but he's special. He's some kind of prophesied chosen one or something. Every good character dies protecting him and it's sad and brutal and he doesn't even care or look like he knows what's going on. Then, after the bad guy actually kills someone the good school boy cares about in the last 30 second of the movie, the hero actually does something and effortlessly kills the major villain then he curls up into a ball and cries. Then the credits roll and you think "that fucking sucked." Rei is slightly more proactive than that.
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Desegregate Bathrooms
Why do we have segregated bathrooms? The history of it goes something like this:
Early 1900's women: want to join the workforce
Early 1900's men: women's place is in the home.
Early 1900's women: join workforce anyway
Early 1900's men: makes separate potty rooms so that women feel like they don't belong
Ladies and gentleman and those unspecified, the really real reason why we started separate bathrooms is because men wanted a barrier for women to maintain the pretense that men and women are different and therefore should be treated differently. The reason why we still have segregated bathrooms is because of building codes. Womp womp. If people are decent, why can't we pee and poo in the same room? The only reasons why you would continue to want desegregaged bathrooms is because you have weird, prudish puritanical or traditional or conservative beliefs based on values rather than reason.
If we desegregaged bathrooms, that would make one of the problems of people who identify as nongendered or trans irrelevant. Not that I care about the plight of complete strangers or ideology or whatever. I just think segregated bathrooms are dumb.
Early 1900's women: want to join the workforce
Early 1900's men: women's place is in the home.
Early 1900's women: join workforce anyway
Early 1900's men: makes separate potty rooms so that women feel like they don't belong
Ladies and gentleman and those unspecified, the really real reason why we started separate bathrooms is because men wanted a barrier for women to maintain the pretense that men and women are different and therefore should be treated differently. The reason why we still have segregated bathrooms is because of building codes. Womp womp. If people are decent, why can't we pee and poo in the same room? The only reasons why you would continue to want desegregaged bathrooms is because you have weird, prudish puritanical or traditional or conservative beliefs based on values rather than reason.
If we desegregaged bathrooms, that would make one of the problems of people who identify as nongendered or trans irrelevant. Not that I care about the plight of complete strangers or ideology or whatever. I just think segregated bathrooms are dumb.
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Sunday, October 20, 2019
Final Fantasy III Class Tier List
Hello and welcome to my complete Final Fantasy III class tier list! Yes, that's right, I said complete (Note, this is not complete on purpose). Ladies and gentlemen and those of unspecified gender, I want to tell you what! So, without further adieu, a summary of the jobs of each crystal and a final summary at the end.
Wind Crystal
Wind crystal jobs tend to have lower stats on higher levels than later jobs, however the trade off is if you stick with a wind crystal job for the whole game, you'll be fairly high in job level which kind of balances out. Also, you may be eligible for a legendary blacksmith items without any extra grinding. If you try to earn job level 99 with a non-wind crystal job, you may have to grind hard. Consider using at least one wind crystal job the whole game. Trust me, you'll be fine.
Warrior
You may want a warrior for consistent melee in the early game. The warrior is kind of a shit melee class, so don't get too attached. They can only use early game equipment and the Excalibur. I recommend upgrading to a knight ASAP.
Monk
You can alternatively use a monk for the early game melee and you can't go wrong with punching in Final Fantasy games because punching in Final Fantasy games is usually slightly worse than the chosen one wielding the power cosmic. The only problem with the Monk class in FFIII is that they are shit at first. Get your job level to about 14 or so and you should begin to see a solid return on your investment. Weaknesses: They are glass cannons.
Thief
I used a thief in my previous play through all the way to the end game. The thief is broken! It gains JP faster than any other class and will be 30 job levels higher than the party average before your know it. The game will give you knives to keep your thief competitive late game. My thief consistently outdid my knight in damage output and could reliably one-hit or two-hit anything. In addition, with its high speed, my thief would be likely to act sooner in turn order, dispatching an enemy and reducing the amount of damage received by the party each battle. By the time I got to the evil dark knight dungeon with duplicating enemies, I could do 5000 damage or max damage on a crit and I was one-hitting almost everything. My other party members would defend every turn because anything they could contribute was too little to matter. Thieves are amazing!
Red Mage
I love the red mage in concept!!!! There's a reason why you don't see red mages in FF games after this game, and it has to do with the later job class systems allowing you to customize your characters and effectively build a red mage. The FFIII Red Mage class in my experience is crap. One of its perks is that it can use that one early game sword that does extra damage to undead. Cool. This class is just too well rounded. It's not the star of anything; it's your backup at everything. This class doesn't hit hard enough to hit, it doesn't magic well enough to magic, it has less MP, access to weaker equipment, etc. I find that in RPGs, you usually have to specialize to be successful.
White Mage
The white mage has a lower JP rate than other classes, so to keep your white mage falling too far behind, you should use the defend command instead of wasting your turns planning another action that doesn't go off because another character defeats an enemy before your white mage's turn. The white mage is essential for healing during boss battles. You can not get away with relying on items alone to heal. Pick a white mage or die.
Black Mage
I hate black mages, but you're required to have them for some boss fights. Whatever, this game is balanced to allow your black mage to be helpful outside of boss battles. The whole concept of crowd control is gone though. Seriously, if I was confident that I could kill everything with melee, I would only use melee.
Fire Crystal Jobs
I couldn't name all the fire crystal jobs when I began writing this, but you're looking at Geomancer, Knight, Ranger, Scholar.
Scholars
Scholars are interesting in concept; I wish you could get more attack items. When they use items, the effect is doubled. They're like a prototype Final Fantasy Alchemist/Chemist class with a scan ability. The game tells you that you need that scan ability for at least one boss. You don't. I can't justify this class, but I would like to. I think the scholar has a very low JP gain rate.
Ranger
I've never used a ranger because of a little thing called ammo system.
Geomancer
I really like this class in concept as well. They have spells that don't use MP! The downsides are that their spell list is determined by the terrain, meaning you will most likely be fighting fire enemies with fire or water enemies with water. See the problem? Also, they use spells at random so they aren't reliable. I really, really like reliability in my RPG party. If I have some real badasses and thus I have some discretionary room to fuck around, I may invest in a character who might waste their turns or one shot everything on the screen like a geomancer. I think the geomancer has a low JP gain rate.
Knight
You know the end game is going to give you cool knight shit. That's why you have to pick a knight over a viking when deciding what class to have for tanking even in the early game. Deal with it. Excalibur, Ragnarok, and Ultima. If dual wielding shields is a thing (I think it is), a Knight is more effective as tank than a Viking because they have a Defend command which lets them intercept attacks for allies. Therefore, they're better at being a super tank than a viking.
Water Crystal Jobs
The water crystal offers jobs: Viking, Dragoon, Dark Knight, Evoker, Bard.
Viking
I have seen a let's play where the player used a viking just to do something different. Vikings are surprisingly effective at melee and as tanks. I recall that you can dual wield shields in this game and make a viking a super tank, or maybe I'm full of shit.
Dragoon
I shit you not, you are required to change your entire party into dragoons for one boss battle. After that, you don't need to use them ever again. Dragoons are bad at being tanks because they're special ability Jump removes them from the battle for one-two rounds. This means your squishy characters can take more damage before your dragoon hits an enemy for double damage once every two turns. Also, math makes that attack seem redundant. Jump will do 4x damage to flying or air themed enemies which are not the majority of dangerous enemies. Even if jump damage scales exponentially with job level, I can't find myself recommending it because healing spells won't target it while it's airborne.
Dark Knight
A dark knight in the remake of FFIII is a sort of samurai / ninja themed non-ninja character who can use katanas which are effective against enemies that duplicate. You know what else is good against enemies who duplicate? A character who hits hard enough to one-shot that enemy. You also have the dark attack attack which sacrifices the users HP for extra damage. Dark Knights are not tanks by the way; they're armor is just OK.
Evoker
I want to give it a fair try, but I didn't and I won't. I'm just too comfortable with my party by this point in the game. In case you don't know, Evokers are baby versions of summoners.
Bard
I want to use a bard too, but I hear nothing stellar about them.
Earth Crystal Jobs
Unfortunately, I don't like spellcasting classes in JRPGs. This crystal offers 4 spellcasting classes and it's clear (to me at least) that you're meant to pick and commit to only 2 at most and it's supposed to be a difficult choice. The deal with these spellcasting classes is that they are overall better than their lower tier counterparts, but in some ways the lower tier counterparts are better. For example, the White Mage has a higher Magic Power stat and more lower level MP than the Devout. I think you're supposed to trade being really good a using low level spells for being OK at using lover level spells and having access to end game spells. This kind of makes sense for the white mage because having more Cures is better than having fewer, slightly more potent Cures for dungeon crawling. Other than that, Earth Crystal jobs will be at job level 1 and your other jobs may have quite high job levels.
Magus
The big boy Black Mage. Has access to higher level black magic, has more MP, etc. Flare, Meteor, Death.
Devout
The big boy White Mage. Has access to higher level white magic, has more MP, etc. Can cast Life 2, Cure 4, and Holy, which is cool.
Summoner
The big boy version of the Evoker. Access to higher level spells, more MP, etc. Can cast Odin, Leviathan, and Bahamut.
Sage
This is the big boy red mage if the big boy red mage can't hit or wear armor anymore. You have access to all magic. I don't know how much more or less MP you have or how much more or less potent your spells are, but I suspect that a jack-of-all-trades super wizard sacrifices something. Oh well, I can choose to cast any three of Bahamut, Full-Life, Holy, Flare, and Meteor plus Odin with one character. That's cool.
Black Belt
I think this class is amazing for 2 reasons. 1, you don't need a weapon to be a good DPS, however this game actually gives good fist weapons so you'll still hit like a truck. 2, very high HP growth. If you want to get your HP significantly higher, make your characters into black belts and grind out 10 character levels each. You'll be happy you did. This class is still kind of a glass cannon though.
Ninja
In the NES version, this was a secret class that could use ALL weapons and armor making it super fucking duper! In this version, it is a more traditional ninja: glass cannon melee! It has low HP and Defense. I find they get KOed more easily than your magic classes. You can throw ninja stars which do tons of damage. It's amazing if you don't plan on grinding out tons of job levels, but if you do plan on job level grinding, ninja stars are not so impressive.
Summary
For the length of the game, I recommend a dedicated healer, a dedicated tank, and a dedicated melee attacker. I only keep someone prepared to do attack magic stuff because the game seems to like to throw the occasional boss at you that can only be hurt by attack spells and you want something like a black mage with a decent job level for the sake of potency. Just have your bases covered for the whole game; the game is kind of balanced for that. For your final party, I think it sounds risky to leave out a White Mage or a Devout. Notable classes (IMO) for your final party include Knight, Ninja, Black Belt, and Sage. Ninja probably beats Black Belt. I think you have some real leniency to have one wind crystal job with a job level of 99 for that sweet legendary black smith item, in which case I recommend the thief for DPS based on experience. End game grinding is required.
You can't in my experience avoid a balanced party. You can't have 4 Black Belts for instance. I've tried. Longer dungeons will make you burn through too many resources. The game will throw 1-3 enemies at you per battle; 1 or 2 on average with 3 being rare or more common at mid-late and end game. I think any way you roll, your party's damage output will generally be enough to defeat one enemy per round. Your party will on average take 2 to 3 hits per round of combat. That's just the way this game is balanced. Bosses will be threatening enough to give you a game over if you get unlucky or you make a poor decision.
The game will make resources available (such as weapons, armor, spells) to encourage you to choose different classes at different phases of the game and free resources (weapons or armor found as treasures) are available to encourage or limit use of specific classes. You will not have enough swords and armor to equally equip 4 knights for instance.
Wind Crystal
Wind crystal jobs tend to have lower stats on higher levels than later jobs, however the trade off is if you stick with a wind crystal job for the whole game, you'll be fairly high in job level which kind of balances out. Also, you may be eligible for a legendary blacksmith items without any extra grinding. If you try to earn job level 99 with a non-wind crystal job, you may have to grind hard. Consider using at least one wind crystal job the whole game. Trust me, you'll be fine.
Warrior
You may want a warrior for consistent melee in the early game. The warrior is kind of a shit melee class, so don't get too attached. They can only use early game equipment and the Excalibur. I recommend upgrading to a knight ASAP.
Monk
You can alternatively use a monk for the early game melee and you can't go wrong with punching in Final Fantasy games because punching in Final Fantasy games is usually slightly worse than the chosen one wielding the power cosmic. The only problem with the Monk class in FFIII is that they are shit at first. Get your job level to about 14 or so and you should begin to see a solid return on your investment. Weaknesses: They are glass cannons.
Thief
I used a thief in my previous play through all the way to the end game. The thief is broken! It gains JP faster than any other class and will be 30 job levels higher than the party average before your know it. The game will give you knives to keep your thief competitive late game. My thief consistently outdid my knight in damage output and could reliably one-hit or two-hit anything. In addition, with its high speed, my thief would be likely to act sooner in turn order, dispatching an enemy and reducing the amount of damage received by the party each battle. By the time I got to the evil dark knight dungeon with duplicating enemies, I could do 5000 damage or max damage on a crit and I was one-hitting almost everything. My other party members would defend every turn because anything they could contribute was too little to matter. Thieves are amazing!
Red Mage
I love the red mage in concept!!!! There's a reason why you don't see red mages in FF games after this game, and it has to do with the later job class systems allowing you to customize your characters and effectively build a red mage. The FFIII Red Mage class in my experience is crap. One of its perks is that it can use that one early game sword that does extra damage to undead. Cool. This class is just too well rounded. It's not the star of anything; it's your backup at everything. This class doesn't hit hard enough to hit, it doesn't magic well enough to magic, it has less MP, access to weaker equipment, etc. I find that in RPGs, you usually have to specialize to be successful.
White Mage
The white mage has a lower JP rate than other classes, so to keep your white mage falling too far behind, you should use the defend command instead of wasting your turns planning another action that doesn't go off because another character defeats an enemy before your white mage's turn. The white mage is essential for healing during boss battles. You can not get away with relying on items alone to heal. Pick a white mage or die.
Black Mage
I hate black mages, but you're required to have them for some boss fights. Whatever, this game is balanced to allow your black mage to be helpful outside of boss battles. The whole concept of crowd control is gone though. Seriously, if I was confident that I could kill everything with melee, I would only use melee.
Fire Crystal Jobs
I couldn't name all the fire crystal jobs when I began writing this, but you're looking at Geomancer, Knight, Ranger, Scholar.
Scholars
Scholars are interesting in concept; I wish you could get more attack items. When they use items, the effect is doubled. They're like a prototype Final Fantasy Alchemist/Chemist class with a scan ability. The game tells you that you need that scan ability for at least one boss. You don't. I can't justify this class, but I would like to. I think the scholar has a very low JP gain rate.
Ranger
I've never used a ranger because of a little thing called ammo system.
Geomancer
I really like this class in concept as well. They have spells that don't use MP! The downsides are that their spell list is determined by the terrain, meaning you will most likely be fighting fire enemies with fire or water enemies with water. See the problem? Also, they use spells at random so they aren't reliable. I really, really like reliability in my RPG party. If I have some real badasses and thus I have some discretionary room to fuck around, I may invest in a character who might waste their turns or one shot everything on the screen like a geomancer. I think the geomancer has a low JP gain rate.
Knight
You know the end game is going to give you cool knight shit. That's why you have to pick a knight over a viking when deciding what class to have for tanking even in the early game. Deal with it. Excalibur, Ragnarok, and Ultima. If dual wielding shields is a thing (I think it is), a Knight is more effective as tank than a Viking because they have a Defend command which lets them intercept attacks for allies. Therefore, they're better at being a super tank than a viking.
Water Crystal Jobs
The water crystal offers jobs: Viking, Dragoon, Dark Knight, Evoker, Bard.
Viking
I have seen a let's play where the player used a viking just to do something different. Vikings are surprisingly effective at melee and as tanks. I recall that you can dual wield shields in this game and make a viking a super tank, or maybe I'm full of shit.
Dragoon
I shit you not, you are required to change your entire party into dragoons for one boss battle. After that, you don't need to use them ever again. Dragoons are bad at being tanks because they're special ability Jump removes them from the battle for one-two rounds. This means your squishy characters can take more damage before your dragoon hits an enemy for double damage once every two turns. Also, math makes that attack seem redundant. Jump will do 4x damage to flying or air themed enemies which are not the majority of dangerous enemies. Even if jump damage scales exponentially with job level, I can't find myself recommending it because healing spells won't target it while it's airborne.
Dark Knight
A dark knight in the remake of FFIII is a sort of samurai / ninja themed non-ninja character who can use katanas which are effective against enemies that duplicate. You know what else is good against enemies who duplicate? A character who hits hard enough to one-shot that enemy. You also have the dark attack attack which sacrifices the users HP for extra damage. Dark Knights are not tanks by the way; they're armor is just OK.
Evoker
I want to give it a fair try, but I didn't and I won't. I'm just too comfortable with my party by this point in the game. In case you don't know, Evokers are baby versions of summoners.
Bard
I want to use a bard too, but I hear nothing stellar about them.
Earth Crystal Jobs
Unfortunately, I don't like spellcasting classes in JRPGs. This crystal offers 4 spellcasting classes and it's clear (to me at least) that you're meant to pick and commit to only 2 at most and it's supposed to be a difficult choice. The deal with these spellcasting classes is that they are overall better than their lower tier counterparts, but in some ways the lower tier counterparts are better. For example, the White Mage has a higher Magic Power stat and more lower level MP than the Devout. I think you're supposed to trade being really good a using low level spells for being OK at using lover level spells and having access to end game spells. This kind of makes sense for the white mage because having more Cures is better than having fewer, slightly more potent Cures for dungeon crawling. Other than that, Earth Crystal jobs will be at job level 1 and your other jobs may have quite high job levels.
Magus
The big boy Black Mage. Has access to higher level black magic, has more MP, etc. Flare, Meteor, Death.
Devout
The big boy White Mage. Has access to higher level white magic, has more MP, etc. Can cast Life 2, Cure 4, and Holy, which is cool.
Summoner
The big boy version of the Evoker. Access to higher level spells, more MP, etc. Can cast Odin, Leviathan, and Bahamut.
Sage
This is the big boy red mage if the big boy red mage can't hit or wear armor anymore. You have access to all magic. I don't know how much more or less MP you have or how much more or less potent your spells are, but I suspect that a jack-of-all-trades super wizard sacrifices something. Oh well, I can choose to cast any three of Bahamut, Full-Life, Holy, Flare, and Meteor plus Odin with one character. That's cool.
Black Belt
I think this class is amazing for 2 reasons. 1, you don't need a weapon to be a good DPS, however this game actually gives good fist weapons so you'll still hit like a truck. 2, very high HP growth. If you want to get your HP significantly higher, make your characters into black belts and grind out 10 character levels each. You'll be happy you did. This class is still kind of a glass cannon though.
Ninja
In the NES version, this was a secret class that could use ALL weapons and armor making it super fucking duper! In this version, it is a more traditional ninja: glass cannon melee! It has low HP and Defense. I find they get KOed more easily than your magic classes. You can throw ninja stars which do tons of damage. It's amazing if you don't plan on grinding out tons of job levels, but if you do plan on job level grinding, ninja stars are not so impressive.
Summary
For the length of the game, I recommend a dedicated healer, a dedicated tank, and a dedicated melee attacker. I only keep someone prepared to do attack magic stuff because the game seems to like to throw the occasional boss at you that can only be hurt by attack spells and you want something like a black mage with a decent job level for the sake of potency. Just have your bases covered for the whole game; the game is kind of balanced for that. For your final party, I think it sounds risky to leave out a White Mage or a Devout. Notable classes (IMO) for your final party include Knight, Ninja, Black Belt, and Sage. Ninja probably beats Black Belt. I think you have some real leniency to have one wind crystal job with a job level of 99 for that sweet legendary black smith item, in which case I recommend the thief for DPS based on experience. End game grinding is required.
You can't in my experience avoid a balanced party. You can't have 4 Black Belts for instance. I've tried. Longer dungeons will make you burn through too many resources. The game will throw 1-3 enemies at you per battle; 1 or 2 on average with 3 being rare or more common at mid-late and end game. I think any way you roll, your party's damage output will generally be enough to defeat one enemy per round. Your party will on average take 2 to 3 hits per round of combat. That's just the way this game is balanced. Bosses will be threatening enough to give you a game over if you get unlucky or you make a poor decision.
The game will make resources available (such as weapons, armor, spells) to encourage you to choose different classes at different phases of the game and free resources (weapons or armor found as treasures) are available to encourage or limit use of specific classes. You will not have enough swords and armor to equally equip 4 knights for instance.
Monday, September 30, 2019
What Would You Name a Meteor?
If you discovered a meteor, what would you call it? I would pick a name you couldn't use in front of kids, like Planet Fucker. Here is a list of names I would give a meteor:
Goddamn Piece of Shit
Mega Mother Fucker
Fist of God
Geodude
Testicle of Doom
Dragon Hammer
God
There Asteroid Formerly Known As Douche Bag
Big Bag of Dicks
Space's Concentrated Anger
The Meteor Named The Fuck Earth Meteor
The Fuck Earth Meteor
Holy Fucking Shit
"I can't believe it's not butter" Meteor
At least we won't feel it
You have space's permission to die
Space Aids
Dick
Death by space-debris
Death from above
Cosmic Derp
Space Rocky
Balboa 2: electric boogaloo
Doomsday: Form of a rock
Wondertwin powers activate: shape of a rock
Superman! Help!
No, God please!
Bullets from God.
Space Is Pissed
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200
Blue Screen of Death IRL
Tko or gtfo
You ain't even dust
Space Bastard
Check out deez ballz
Next time on dragon ball z
Should have banged more hoes
Whores!
Planets are gay.
Proof that life is not special
Danger: Falling Rocks
Orgasms then Cataclysms
Why So Serious?
Rocksteady
Shit man, that's a lot of fuck
Killed your buzz
This is gonna hurt
Kiss your ass goodbye
Toasty
Hella fucked
Sheeeet
Apicalypse Jr.
Ragnarok Jr.
Death with a chance of fuuuuuuuuu
Spacebang!
Whoop there it is.
Goddamn Piece of Shit
Mega Mother Fucker
Fist of God
Geodude
Testicle of Doom
Dragon Hammer
God
There Asteroid Formerly Known As Douche Bag
Big Bag of Dicks
Space's Concentrated Anger
The Meteor Named The Fuck Earth Meteor
The Fuck Earth Meteor
Holy Fucking Shit
"I can't believe it's not butter" Meteor
At least we won't feel it
You have space's permission to die
Space Aids
Dick
Death by space-debris
Death from above
Cosmic Derp
Space Rocky
Balboa 2: electric boogaloo
Doomsday: Form of a rock
Wondertwin powers activate: shape of a rock
Superman! Help!
No, God please!
Bullets from God.
Space Is Pissed
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200
Blue Screen of Death IRL
Tko or gtfo
You ain't even dust
Space Bastard
Check out deez ballz
Next time on dragon ball z
Should have banged more hoes
Whores!
Planets are gay.
Proof that life is not special
Danger: Falling Rocks
Orgasms then Cataclysms
Why So Serious?
Rocksteady
Shit man, that's a lot of fuck
Killed your buzz
This is gonna hurt
Kiss your ass goodbye
Toasty
Hella fucked
Sheeeet
Apicalypse Jr.
Ragnarok Jr.
Death with a chance of fuuuuuuuuu
Spacebang!
Whoop there it is.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
American Independence was an Act of Treason
It has occurred to me today that American Independence was an act of treason. There were some net gains for the planet and the species I supposed, but treason is still treason. :)
Monday, August 5, 2019
Friday, July 19, 2019
My Politicsl Compass Test July 2019
I'm somewhere between (and I'm assuming) our first and third presidents.
Economic right meaning I believe in a smaller government with minimal social programs, less regulation, and more privatization.
Socially liberal means I think liberties are important and the government should primarily exist to protect liberty.
Economic right meaning I believe in a smaller government with minimal social programs, less regulation, and more privatization.
Socially liberal means I think liberties are important and the government should primarily exist to protect liberty.
Friday, June 28, 2019
Men in Black International Review
Pros: a really pretty movie.
Cons: a clear cash grab.
You can tell when a movie was written for the sake of being written versus a movie that was written because someone had a story to tell, and this movie is a good example of the former. The result is a middle of the road movie that is neither good nor bad and leaves you with a sense that the creators didn't try to create art, just a product.
The main character, Molly / Agent M, is plain, sterile, and cute. Everything comes to her without much conflict and by the end nothing feels earned. She doesn't even feel like a protagonist, Agent H does; More on him later. Agent M feels more like a side-kick and is just kind of there. Her role is like a modern, one-dimensional video game protagonist; she has immediate, clear, tangible goals and only a vague and generic long term goal of wanting to know what's out there. The obstacles, if you can call them that, are completely external. She has no weaknesses to overcome and has no change over time. Her character's only learned lesson is that she want's to find love after previously being uninterested which is sort of set up but executed meakly. Bah. There's no tension, no conflict, no suspense. In other words, she's boring. The story isn't even about her anymore once H is introduced. M is plot adjacent.
Agent H is famous among MIB as someone who saved the world. Now he's an arrogant, obnoxious jackass and his story is set up as the come-back story of a has-been if not a redemption story. This redemption story falls apart at the end when he realizes he was actually neuralized and is not actually a jackass. It was a twist you could have seen coming. I admit that I didn't predict it because there was no foreseeable possibility of a satisfactory pay off. It was disappointing to watch this conflict resolve itself so conveniently. "It's Ok H, you're not really a complex flawed character, you were just neuralized and given a crappy memory." Also, the plot about his father figure, Agent T, is handled very unsatisfactory. If T was so important to Agent H, how did H get over his death so fast? This is a missed opportunity to show how human connection is so rare and valuable for MIB agents, which they actually phone in at the end. H skips his stages of grief and goes to acceptance pretty quick. H seemed more upset by the death of the character Fungus.
Fungus was not important in retrospect. He wasn't funny either, but he did have a decent death scene with unnecessarily vague, foreboding last words.
All the villains ranged from sucked to unimpressive. There were some creepy twins who has some kind of cosmic stellar form where they were indestructible and they could manipulate matter like God. It turns out they weren't actually the villains, they were just really bad at asking for help. Their entire conflict should have been resolved if they just asked help from MIB instead of killing people. Then, some other alien crime boss who datedbAgent H in his backstory who seemed interesting at first. She had a lot of build up and a good reveal. The actesss did a damn good job playing the part and I had hopes for the character by now, but her part in the story was over too quick and she really contributed nothing but a momenetary change in tone. The final villain was a monster with an association to some cosmic bad guy like Star Trek's Borg. He had no name, no specific goal, no personality, no presence or threat until the very end, and was defeated spectacularly by the mcguffin of the movie, a gun powered by a star. This gun was so much a mcguffin that it didn't even have a name much less an explanation for being there, who wanted it or why.
There's almost no emotional weight to anything. They introduce an alien in the beginning who meets Molly as a girl. She says bye to it as it escapes her bedroom window and avoids MIB capture. Years later, we meet this alien again and it comically has loyalty to Molly over the crime lord whom he works for, allowing the agents to walk away from a dangerous confrontation with their prize in hand no thanks to their own skill or ability. Job well done. Luck and more luck. They escaped death because of an acquaintance with their killer. If that isn't a trope, it should be. It's like this movie can't decide if it wants to be a comedy or an action movie.
One major complaint I have is the flying alien motorcycle chase scene. H and M fly though a city on alien tech and it's actually not that exciting. The consequences are also ignored by the story: The truth about aliens exposed to hundreds. Exposure should be a big deal to MIB. This is an example of the movie forgetting it's own rules or not caring, or relying on the audience to either not notice or care. This could have been handled any other way. The agents could have found a teleport pod that malfuctioned and stranded them in a desert. They clearly just wanted a chase scene, which was unsatisfactory in and of itself. I think it's indicative of the motives for this movie: we just wanted to make a movie with cool, fun stuff in it. Good job, no tension was added by including a motorcycle in this chase except for the exposure of alien tech to the world that was completely ignored except for two wild flashes from a single nueralizer on just one small crowd. I don't care to see a movie that doesn't take itself seriously enough. Don't leave loose ends like this. I want to see a good, satisfying story with build up, tension, and release, not unnecessary motorcycle chases that cause more problems then they solve.
Also, why do probationary agents not get issued their own Neuralizer? Probationary agents have to flashy thing people too!
There is a supporting character named Pawny. I didn't have a problem with him but I didn't love him. If there is a Pawny spin off, I will pass. Agent C was wasted potential. He filled the role of an antagonist and foil to Agent H. H was an irresponsible, spoiled shit, C was the like his jealous, responsible, underappreciated brother who just wanted be to treated fairly by daddy, Agent T. C could have been more developed. He tried to have H arrested and had a confrontation with a corrupt authority figure. That sounds like important stuff yet I have no emotional investment in this character and neither does the plot.
MIB is now run by High T, formerly Agent T I suppose. I like T because he's played by Liam Nesson. I don't like T because he says the most inane thing ever which gets repeated multiple times and becomes that line you say at the ending when all the pieces of the plot conveniently fall into place. The thing he says is something like "the universe has a way of putting you exactly where you need to be right when you need to be there." I have two complaints. First, T dies. Womp womp. Hell of an ironic thing for a dead man to say. Second, this is an inappropriately pseudo-spiritual mumbo jumbo-y thing to say for a sci-fi movie with no attempted explanation. I found it distracting and lame for both those reasons. If I was offered this role, I would pass just because of this line.
Cons: a clear cash grab.
You can tell when a movie was written for the sake of being written versus a movie that was written because someone had a story to tell, and this movie is a good example of the former. The result is a middle of the road movie that is neither good nor bad and leaves you with a sense that the creators didn't try to create art, just a product.
The main character, Molly / Agent M, is plain, sterile, and cute. Everything comes to her without much conflict and by the end nothing feels earned. She doesn't even feel like a protagonist, Agent H does; More on him later. Agent M feels more like a side-kick and is just kind of there. Her role is like a modern, one-dimensional video game protagonist; she has immediate, clear, tangible goals and only a vague and generic long term goal of wanting to know what's out there. The obstacles, if you can call them that, are completely external. She has no weaknesses to overcome and has no change over time. Her character's only learned lesson is that she want's to find love after previously being uninterested which is sort of set up but executed meakly. Bah. There's no tension, no conflict, no suspense. In other words, she's boring. The story isn't even about her anymore once H is introduced. M is plot adjacent.
Agent H is famous among MIB as someone who saved the world. Now he's an arrogant, obnoxious jackass and his story is set up as the come-back story of a has-been if not a redemption story. This redemption story falls apart at the end when he realizes he was actually neuralized and is not actually a jackass. It was a twist you could have seen coming. I admit that I didn't predict it because there was no foreseeable possibility of a satisfactory pay off. It was disappointing to watch this conflict resolve itself so conveniently. "It's Ok H, you're not really a complex flawed character, you were just neuralized and given a crappy memory." Also, the plot about his father figure, Agent T, is handled very unsatisfactory. If T was so important to Agent H, how did H get over his death so fast? This is a missed opportunity to show how human connection is so rare and valuable for MIB agents, which they actually phone in at the end. H skips his stages of grief and goes to acceptance pretty quick. H seemed more upset by the death of the character Fungus.
Fungus was not important in retrospect. He wasn't funny either, but he did have a decent death scene with unnecessarily vague, foreboding last words.
All the villains ranged from sucked to unimpressive. There were some creepy twins who has some kind of cosmic stellar form where they were indestructible and they could manipulate matter like God. It turns out they weren't actually the villains, they were just really bad at asking for help. Their entire conflict should have been resolved if they just asked help from MIB instead of killing people. Then, some other alien crime boss who datedbAgent H in his backstory who seemed interesting at first. She had a lot of build up and a good reveal. The actesss did a damn good job playing the part and I had hopes for the character by now, but her part in the story was over too quick and she really contributed nothing but a momenetary change in tone. The final villain was a monster with an association to some cosmic bad guy like Star Trek's Borg. He had no name, no specific goal, no personality, no presence or threat until the very end, and was defeated spectacularly by the mcguffin of the movie, a gun powered by a star. This gun was so much a mcguffin that it didn't even have a name much less an explanation for being there, who wanted it or why.
There's almost no emotional weight to anything. They introduce an alien in the beginning who meets Molly as a girl. She says bye to it as it escapes her bedroom window and avoids MIB capture. Years later, we meet this alien again and it comically has loyalty to Molly over the crime lord whom he works for, allowing the agents to walk away from a dangerous confrontation with their prize in hand no thanks to their own skill or ability. Job well done. Luck and more luck. They escaped death because of an acquaintance with their killer. If that isn't a trope, it should be. It's like this movie can't decide if it wants to be a comedy or an action movie.
One major complaint I have is the flying alien motorcycle chase scene. H and M fly though a city on alien tech and it's actually not that exciting. The consequences are also ignored by the story: The truth about aliens exposed to hundreds. Exposure should be a big deal to MIB. This is an example of the movie forgetting it's own rules or not caring, or relying on the audience to either not notice or care. This could have been handled any other way. The agents could have found a teleport pod that malfuctioned and stranded them in a desert. They clearly just wanted a chase scene, which was unsatisfactory in and of itself. I think it's indicative of the motives for this movie: we just wanted to make a movie with cool, fun stuff in it. Good job, no tension was added by including a motorcycle in this chase except for the exposure of alien tech to the world that was completely ignored except for two wild flashes from a single nueralizer on just one small crowd. I don't care to see a movie that doesn't take itself seriously enough. Don't leave loose ends like this. I want to see a good, satisfying story with build up, tension, and release, not unnecessary motorcycle chases that cause more problems then they solve.
Also, why do probationary agents not get issued their own Neuralizer? Probationary agents have to flashy thing people too!
There is a supporting character named Pawny. I didn't have a problem with him but I didn't love him. If there is a Pawny spin off, I will pass. Agent C was wasted potential. He filled the role of an antagonist and foil to Agent H. H was an irresponsible, spoiled shit, C was the like his jealous, responsible, underappreciated brother who just wanted be to treated fairly by daddy, Agent T. C could have been more developed. He tried to have H arrested and had a confrontation with a corrupt authority figure. That sounds like important stuff yet I have no emotional investment in this character and neither does the plot.
MIB is now run by High T, formerly Agent T I suppose. I like T because he's played by Liam Nesson. I don't like T because he says the most inane thing ever which gets repeated multiple times and becomes that line you say at the ending when all the pieces of the plot conveniently fall into place. The thing he says is something like "the universe has a way of putting you exactly where you need to be right when you need to be there." I have two complaints. First, T dies. Womp womp. Hell of an ironic thing for a dead man to say. Second, this is an inappropriately pseudo-spiritual mumbo jumbo-y thing to say for a sci-fi movie with no attempted explanation. I found it distracting and lame for both those reasons. If I was offered this role, I would pass just because of this line.
Thursday, May 9, 2019
FFV: Ghido's Cave Puzzel Solution
Saturday, April 27, 2019
Hero's Journey Simplified
Once upon a time, I wrote a plot for an RPG maker game. I used the Monomyth / Hero's Journey structure and it was fantastic; pun intended. My problem with the structure is that the words chosen for the parts are not self-explanatory because they were written by a smart guy from another time period, so I re-wrote them and am now providing my own simplified version of Campbell's explanation of the Monomyth.
DEPARTURE
The departure is basically the introduction of the story. We have exposition and an inciting incident.
1a. Call to Adventure
The protagonist is given something to do somehow.
1b. Refusal?
This part is optional, but sometimes a hero can't or won't begin their own adventure. Got shit to do here, son! Maybe you can join the Jedi School for Extraordinary Witches and Wizards next year.
2. Mentor
There's usually someone who helps the hero get started, like a teacher. Think of the wise old man trope. It could even be some asshole they just met who says one inspiring sentence. NOTE: Mentors are optional.
3. Beginning the Quest
The hero actually starts their quest and is committed to it.
NOTE: 2 and 3 can be in reversed order.
4. Fish Out of Water
The hero is in a new setting or role that is completely new to them and they have so much to learn!
INITIATION
This is the Rising Action and Climax part of the story.
5-8. Tests and Challenges (x3)
The hero is tested. Some tests are failed (mandatory)! People fail, dammit! If your character doesn't fail at anything, you wrote a boring character! I numbered this one as 5-8 because there's a rule about trials that come in threes. Three is a good number. Humans like the number three.
9. Meeting with an Extraordinary Benefactor
The hero needs stuff to help them on their journey! They can't get everything on their own! Sometimes, they get really great stuff and sometimes it comes from an a person in a high place, like a king or a god or something.
10.Overcoming Distractions
Your hero has distractions, doubts, temptations or weaknesses that might make them quit their adventure when the end is in sight. This is when they confront those weaknesses and overcome them.
11. Final Boss/Ultimate Confrontation
This is the climax. Yes, already.
12. The Hero Grows Up
The hero has to change over the course of the story. The character who started out as an annoying amateur has finally completed their maturement into a cool saint or a badass something or another. This comes from learning something really important about life and growing the fuck up. Sometimes, there's one big lesson that brings it all together, and the hero has an epiphany.
Pro Tip: In most stories I can think of, Step 12 comes before Step 11. The hero has to level up to win, right? But Sometimes, the hero has an existential crisis now that the villain/other major problem is longer around to give them purpose.
11a or 12a. Reward for Achieving the Main Goal
Sometimes the reward for beating the bad guy is to beat the bad guy. Sometimes it's to get money though. This step is about what is gained or lost as a result of winning or losing the fight. When something is lost, the hero is left with the silver lining.
RETURN
This is the falling action and the Resolution or Denouement. It's a list of all the things to consider when ending your story.
13a. Refusal or Failure to Return?
Does the protagonist have doubts about going back to their old life or starting a new life?
13b. Dangerous Return
Sometimes, there's one last obstacle to get back home. For example, now that you've slain Dracula, his castle starts counting down before self-desctucting.
/13c. Returned by Helper
Sometimes, the hero has a conflict after the end which requires help from someone else. I can't think of any examples, but this is probably where the sub-plot would pay off.
14a. What Now?
What do you do after slaying god? What does a soldier do once they return to civilian life? What do you do after winning the lottery? This is something you may have to sort out.
14b. Self-Mastery
This is a step that you use to reinforce that your hero is in his final form.
14c. Peace of Mind Achieved
There are no happily ever afters, but your hero will not fear what comes next in life.
Not every step and order is mandatory.
DEPARTURE
The departure is basically the introduction of the story. We have exposition and an inciting incident.
1a. Call to Adventure
The protagonist is given something to do somehow.
1b. Refusal?
This part is optional, but sometimes a hero can't or won't begin their own adventure. Got shit to do here, son! Maybe you can join the Jedi School for Extraordinary Witches and Wizards next year.
2. Mentor
There's usually someone who helps the hero get started, like a teacher. Think of the wise old man trope. It could even be some asshole they just met who says one inspiring sentence. NOTE: Mentors are optional.
3. Beginning the Quest
The hero actually starts their quest and is committed to it.
NOTE: 2 and 3 can be in reversed order.
4. Fish Out of Water
The hero is in a new setting or role that is completely new to them and they have so much to learn!
INITIATION
This is the Rising Action and Climax part of the story.
5-8. Tests and Challenges (x3)
The hero is tested. Some tests are failed (mandatory)! People fail, dammit! If your character doesn't fail at anything, you wrote a boring character! I numbered this one as 5-8 because there's a rule about trials that come in threes. Three is a good number. Humans like the number three.
9. Meeting with an Extraordinary Benefactor
The hero needs stuff to help them on their journey! They can't get everything on their own! Sometimes, they get really great stuff and sometimes it comes from an a person in a high place, like a king or a god or something.
10.Overcoming Distractions
Your hero has distractions, doubts, temptations or weaknesses that might make them quit their adventure when the end is in sight. This is when they confront those weaknesses and overcome them.
11. Final Boss/Ultimate Confrontation
This is the climax. Yes, already.
12. The Hero Grows Up
The hero has to change over the course of the story. The character who started out as an annoying amateur has finally completed their maturement into a cool saint or a badass something or another. This comes from learning something really important about life and growing the fuck up. Sometimes, there's one big lesson that brings it all together, and the hero has an epiphany.
Pro Tip: In most stories I can think of, Step 12 comes before Step 11. The hero has to level up to win, right? But Sometimes, the hero has an existential crisis now that the villain/other major problem is longer around to give them purpose.
11a or 12a. Reward for Achieving the Main Goal
Sometimes the reward for beating the bad guy is to beat the bad guy. Sometimes it's to get money though. This step is about what is gained or lost as a result of winning or losing the fight. When something is lost, the hero is left with the silver lining.
RETURN
This is the falling action and the Resolution or Denouement. It's a list of all the things to consider when ending your story.
13a. Refusal or Failure to Return?
Does the protagonist have doubts about going back to their old life or starting a new life?
13b. Dangerous Return
Sometimes, there's one last obstacle to get back home. For example, now that you've slain Dracula, his castle starts counting down before self-desctucting.
/13c. Returned by Helper
Sometimes, the hero has a conflict after the end which requires help from someone else. I can't think of any examples, but this is probably where the sub-plot would pay off.
14a. What Now?
What do you do after slaying god? What does a soldier do once they return to civilian life? What do you do after winning the lottery? This is something you may have to sort out.
14b. Self-Mastery
This is a step that you use to reinforce that your hero is in his final form.
14c. Peace of Mind Achieved
There are no happily ever afters, but your hero will not fear what comes next in life.
Not every step and order is mandatory.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Pokemon Starter Concepts
I am what is called a genwoner or something because I don't think Pokemon has gotten better since Red/Blue/Yellow, which is just a bullshit excuse to dismiss any criticism because Pokemon games haven't gotten better and some of them are poor. Here are some starter concepts I drew because fuck Gamefreak's corporate approved, ugly bullshit starters.
Higher quality/completed drawings some day. The big blue guy may be called Swolasaur.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Breath of Fire 3 Strats
Character Strats
Ryu
One of my favorite games is Breath of Fire 3 for your ability to configure character growth. I think the most valuable stat in the game for Ryu is agility because you can get EX turns, a bonus turn in between rounds of combat, in your dragon forms. EX turns in dragon forms don't cost AP. This effectively means you double your AP for sustaining your dragon forms. The sad thing is that this is not something you can enjoy the benefits of until mid to late game. How do you get agility? Massive, massive amounts of agility?
There are three methods:
One: The master Meryleep.
Two: Farming Swallow Eyes.
Three: Chain Formation + Rei
Method One
Meryleep can actually be unlocked after completing the light house and defeating the pink dolphin monster in the fairy village. She gives 2 agility per level. The cost of 1 AP might not be worth it to some, but remember, EX turns as a dragon do not cost AP.
Method Two
There are actually two methods for farming swallow eyes and they both involve having a lot of progress with the Fairy Village mini-game, which isn't available until part two when Ryu is an adult. It takes about 6 hours of gameplay to max out fairy village. Farming items can be done by making 15 copy shop fairies or 15 gift shop fairies.
Gift Shop Fairies
Gift shop fairies are much more consistent. They give you an item for visiting. The item is determined by the number of fights you've gotten into since you spoke with them, starting at 0 if they're brand new. You do not have to win the fights, you may run! Gift shop fairies will give you a swallow eye when the number of fights you've accumulated is 71-76, 78-80. Set up your copy shop, put your fairies in it, then leave and get into 70+ fights. When you talk to the fairies after that, they will have a gift for you, one swallow eye each! Up to 15 at a time! Yummy.
Just so we're clear, you can make up for any stat penalties from masters at the end of the game, with work and time, using gift shops. You can re-evaluate the pros and cons of a master based on on how much work some items are to farm. Gift shops can give the following stat boosting items:
#Battles Items
7 *Fish Head
31-40 Life Shard
41-50 Magic Shard
51-60 Power Food
61-70 Protein
71-80 (except 77) Swallow Eye
81-90 Fish Head
*Note: Intelligence is a useless stat. Nina with 400 intelligence still can't compete with Ryu for damage. Tried it.
Copy Shop Fairies
To use the copy shop to begin with, you have to have a bunch of Swallow Eyes to begin with, and the game only gives you two. Copy shops also have a chance of failure and you lose your item. However, it only requires 30 battles for the copy shop to complete the process.
Summary
The most consistent way to farm Swallow Eyes is to use Gift Shops. You should get Ryu's agility to 110 to 130 while wearing his heaviest equipment before you can be sure you'll always be fast enough to have EX turns.
Method 3:
Oh yeah, these strategies are unnecessary if you apprentice Rei under Meryleep, unlock the Chain Formation and put Rei on point which makes everyone else have Rei's Agility score. I think Rei sucks though.
Wizards Should Apprentice Under Fahl
The most valuable stats for spellcasters are AP and Def. AP is valuable because of how rare AP restoring items are. Fahl does not take away from AP! He takes away from Intelligence, but that's fine. As we've established, Intelligence sucks in this game and Fish Heads are the easiest item to farm! Defense is more valuable than HP. Put Nina and Momo under Fahl for 10 levels for 40 HP and 30 Defense and they'll never take damage again except from enemies using breath weapons, Berserkers and Arch Mages. I recommend using Nina and Momo because they are your best buff/debuff/crowd control/support units.
Rei and Garr are not for Dealing Damage
The first time I played this game, my main party included Rei and Garr. I thought they would be good melee fighters. The fact is, the amount of damage Ryu can do in his Warrior and Kaiser forms makes any other damage redundant during a boss fight. They barely contribute during random battles. In fact, in boss battles, what I needed from non-Ryu characters was healing and buffs, at which Rei is subpar and Garr is shit.
Rei is clearly a support unit. He has the ability to use a healing item before the enemy has a turn and he can steal or use debuffs, though less effectively than Nina or Momo. If you unlock the chain formation, then Ryu can benefit from Rei's Agility to get Dragon EX turns, but I got tired of commanding Rei to defend all the time. He can use Disembowel at the start of a fight to maybe instantly remove one enemy from play.
One thing you can do with Rei is apprentice him under a master that gives a lot of AP and have him heal AP using the Transfer skill. I've never tried this, but in theory, you could give Ryu a few extra rounds in his dragon form. Just farm little AP restoring items from fishing, get a shit ton of AP, or make do.
Garr is a tank. Apprentice him under Fahl, pick a formation that gives him the highest chance of taking hits, put him on point,spam counter. I found him almost completely useless after Duana Mines. Because of his Life Armor, Ryu has some great advantages as a tank. You could get that advantage for Garr too using a Cupid's Lyre accessory.
Make Battles Last Longer with Peco
Peco has a counterattack rate of 50%. This is a good way to draw out the length of a battle with numerous extra animations. If Peco can hit really hard and reliably 1-shot enemies in random encounters, use him. If not, you're better off relying on concentrated deliberate damage. An additional downside to relentless counterattacks is that you can't do a lot of stealing if Peco keeps killing all your marks. I only use Peco for learning abilities from masters. I hear some people really like Peco and think he's OP. They must be playing this game wrong.
Everything you need to know about skills and masters
General Tip: Use your levels wisely. It's easier to learn all the skills/spells you want if you keep your levels low. For example, Peco starts out on level 1. That means if you save him for when you meet Deis, you're only 15 minutes of grinding away from unlocking all the best attack spells.
The only important masters are numbered.
I've provided my amazing 2 cents on which masters beyond that have what value.
#1. Meryleep!
The best skills in this game bar none are Shadowwalk and Aura. Shadowwalk comes from Meryleep. It is a guaranteed crit that costs 8 AP. She also gives Charm which is very useful for getting certain special late game item drops. She also gives 2 Agility at level up.
#2. Falh
He gives invaluable stat boosts for spellcaster types with low HP and Def. Defense is very valuable in this game! Most attacks have to get through your defense. For other attacks, such as Magic which essentially does it's base damage + some amount of Int, and breath weapons which do damage based on current HP/Max HP, they need to beat sheer HP. I don't recall using his skills except Resist during Berserker and Arch Mage fights, but I'm usually not happy unless I learn it from Balio and Sunder.
#3. Ladon.
Get Aura. Maybe. Actually, I recommend Aura over Shadowwalk for Berserker and Arch Mage. The extreme stat growth he offers works best for characters who a) don't need AP, can afford to sacrifice HP, and who you would like to improve their overall stats. This is if you want a more powerful car with less fuel economy. or b) if you're grinding out levels over level 50 when all your stat growth tanks; There's no point in doing that though.
#4 also #1 D'Lonzo
Steal and Monopolize are wonderful. Her stat growth is terrible however. It's such a meager difference to natural growth. I don't know who it complements, but probably Momo for the early game because she also gives a slight bonus to Attack hit chance.
#4 Bunyan
I recommend Bunyan for any character who will rely on melee damage. His skill Focus is also worth noting. Focus can be stacked and combined with Shadowwalk and Aura to do the best damage in the entire game: 2,000+ damage with Aura. Super Combo is an expensive pain in the ass. I will gladly never play a mini-game to make sure my attack works. Disembowel is probably useless. I never bothered getting it from him after I earned it.
The Rest.
Deis
She gives you the best attack spells in the game. These can be good for Momo. I've heard that Peco makes a good wizard too. Nina learns them later. I have never used Celerity, but it might be amazing.
Giotto
Like Ladon, this guy alters your stat growth in an extreme way. His actual quality is that you can get Ruy a lot of HP and AP early to mid game. This is the option for if you want a weaker car with more fuel economy. His skills are ass.
Emitai
He teaches Mind Sword. It's a very cheap single target attack spell that a wizard can use over their Attack command. In my experience, this is stronger than Magic Ball and generally useful. Barrier and Enlighten are good on paper, but I seldom need Barrier or rely on Magic to do a lot of damage.
Hachio
A crappy Bunyan clone who teaches a skill called Demonsbane which I found to be a lesser choice for skills and Mighty Chop which is just an easter egg. In theory, your wizards can use Might Chop instead of Attack indefinitely and be able to contribute without using AP, but they nerfed it.
Mygas
Magic Ball is OP at the beginning of the game. You can do 40~60 damage to one enemy for 2 AP. I don't think this spell gets any stronger. If you unlock Typhoon from him in the early game, it's useful for grinding and emergencies. I think Meditation might be useful but I've never experimented with it.
Yggdrasil
Shield is the only good spell he offers, though you may find it redundant. Face it, the only reason you use Yggdrasil is because it's early game and you're done with Mygas and you don't want to spend your mage character's levels on a non-magic master.
Durandal
I think this master is a waste of perfectly good levels.
Hondara
You can't unlock Hondara without learning everything from Durandal. That's a shame because I like this guy's spells. Well, I like them on paper. In case it's not clear, I never used his skills.
Other Skills worth Learning (This list is Short)
Snooze
This is a secret skill learned from Eye Goos. Defend or wait for 10 rounds, then the Eye Goo gets bored and falls asleep. Snooze restores some HP and some AP, making it kinda useful for recovering AP.
Burn
Have Ryu learn this from Mage Goos in Cedar Woods. It's cheap and effective against Nut Troops on Mt. Myrneg and that's all it's for. Actually, you can also use it on Vulcan's in Mt. Zublo to wake them up and power them up for exp!
Blind
This can be learned from Rippers and has a pretty good success rate. Blind the Nue boss. I stop using it very early on. It has a secret use. If you blind Eye Goos, they drop 30 experience.
Frost
Ryu can use this on mud men at Mt. Myrneg to paralyze them an make them drop 70 experience. You can give it to Momo after that so she can have a reliable attack.
Double Blow
Stronger than a regular attack but weaker than a crit.
Bone Dart
I've heard good things but I always gave up on learning it!
Rest
Restores some HP and some AP. It's like Snooze.
Air Raid
I'm putting this down as an honorable mention. It never seems works when I really need it.
Tsunami
For 8 AP, you can halve everyone's HP. It's neat.
Lava Busrt
An AOE, medium powered fire spell and you get it pretty early. That's cool!
Flame/Wind/Ice/Holy/Thunder/etc. Strike
Really cool on paper. I haven't relied on exploiting elemental weaknesses with melee characters in this game before, I'm not going to do it now.
Wall of Fire/Thunder Clap/Chill
These are skills that would be good if they gave them to you earlier.
Cure
Secret powerful healing skill learned from the paralyzed enemies in the desert level. You have to cure their paralysis using a panacea and then they might use it. I forget how to make them use it, but I don't think it's hard.
Evil Eye
A very late/end game spell. Has a high chance of paralyzing one enemy. I don't bother.
Low Level Strats
Why low level? Because you want to maximize your opportunities for stat growth and learning skills from masters.
Get Magic Ball and Typhoon Skills Early.
Having any AP restoring items in the beginning can make a big difference if you're underleveled.
Boss Strats
NUE
Blind it and do your best.
AMALGAM
Equip Silver Knives from the Manillo Shop. This fight is actually not dangerous at all.
MUTANT
This creature regenerates 250 HP each turn. You can make him lose his regenerating ability by hitting it with fire attacks until he stops. You shouldn't go all out or use your dragon forms until then. Spend the first few rounds preparing any buffs you might have, healing, defending, and using Molotovs on him.
Contest of Champions Round 1
Contest of Champions Round Two
Stallion
Balio and Sunder fuse. He can use Jolt and when his HP gets to about half or less, he starts using a skill called Utmost Attack that does 50 damage to everyone so keep your HP up at all times!
Gazer
Ryu should be some sort of fire dragon and everyone else should defend, heal and buff Defense. Don't bring any party members who can't take a hit because gazer has AOE attacks.
Dolphin
His weakness is electricity.
Gisshan, Scylla, and Charyb
Ice moves!
Garr (Angel Tower)
Nothing to worry about.
Dragon Zombie
Fire and High Defense.
Mikba
Ryu can use either the Holy Dragon form or the Fire Dragon form. Holy will hit harder with Radiant Claw but consume more AP. Rei is useless.
Huge Slug
Fire Warrior form. Not even a fight. Basically, this is how every boss fight will go from here on.
Shroom
Fire Warrior form.
Gaist
I think his weakness is Ice. Make sure to examine his ashes after the fight before you leave the room!
Angeler
Inoculate yourself so you are protected against electricity before the fight. He has no weaknesses, just throw down.
Ammonites
I think I lost to them on accident once. Use the Thunder Warrior form. It's not even a fight.
Elder
I don't remember this guy being a threat.
Manmo
Non-challenge.
Chimera
I don't remember a damn thing about you.
Arwan
Totally forgot.
Dragn Lord
This was unsatisfyingly quick. I felt cheated. Fake boss.
Myria
Speaking of fake bosses, I remember this one being too easy too. She might have had a cheap spell or two.
Level Grinding Strats
Experience is divided among the surviving party members. You can kill off one or two to get one party member extra EXP. You can use the Monopolize skill from D'Lonzo to have one character get all the exp. This is also a valid way to keep characters from earning exp if you want to control their levels.
Low Levels
There are some enemies that give bonus exp if you do the right thing to them.
Go to Mt. Zublo and fight Vulcans, giant boulders with faces. If you use a fire skill on them, not a fire/wind skill, they will wake up and become worth 900 exp each. This is really the best way to grind experience until the late game.
Level 30+
This game is basically designed for you to peak at level 35 or so. That's when the experience to next level gets really high! Here's what you do if you want more levels late game.
Lava Men
This strat is not recommended because I haven't achieved it yet, so I can't say what you're really in for. Go back to Mt. Zublo and fight the lava men. You can power them up casting fire skills/spells on them. You can do a combination of powering them up and using an item called Ivory Dice, see the next paragraph, to get the max possible exp in a single fight, but they're wicked hard. Give it a shot and see what happens, but don't have expectations of pulling it off.
Ivory Dice
These can be farmed from a late game Manillo shop. If you use one in battle, the EXP you'll earn doubles. The effects stack if you use multiple Ivory Dice in one fight. See the next paragraph "Secret Enemies."
Secret Enemies
If you want to much higher, go to the Container Yard and fight some Berserkers and Arch Mages. They are very challenging, but they can drop a ton of exp. Use your Ivory Dice here. Get inoculations for Fire and Electric property damage too.
Dragon Gene FAQs
What is the difference between Thorn and Gross?
Thorn affects the elemental genes, Fire/Ice/Thunder/Shadow/Radiance so that instead of taking 0 damage form the corresponding elemental attack, your elemental form will recover HP from corresponding elemental attacks. Gross improves your HP, Power, Defense, Wisdom, Agility. Gross and thorn are interchangeable if you pair one of them with Eldrich, Defender, or Force genes. Either Thorn or Gross will cause the same improvements to the Defender, Eldrich, and Force Forms. Stacking thorn and gross will get you a stronger form, but is not going to get you any significant improvements.
How does Fusion work and is it useful?
I have no goddamn idea!
Warrior vs Kaiser Form?
Infinity + Failure or Trance + Radiance + Infinity combined give you a Super Saiyajin Ryu. Kaiser can use Focus and Shadowwalk or Focus and Aura if Ryu knows the skills. The warrior is more AP affordable, has slightly higher Power, and has Focus and Aura built in.
Puzzle & Mini-Game Strats
Ryu
One of my favorite games is Breath of Fire 3 for your ability to configure character growth. I think the most valuable stat in the game for Ryu is agility because you can get EX turns, a bonus turn in between rounds of combat, in your dragon forms. EX turns in dragon forms don't cost AP. This effectively means you double your AP for sustaining your dragon forms. The sad thing is that this is not something you can enjoy the benefits of until mid to late game. How do you get agility? Massive, massive amounts of agility?
There are three methods:
One: The master Meryleep.
Two: Farming Swallow Eyes.
Three: Chain Formation + Rei
Method One
Meryleep can actually be unlocked after completing the light house and defeating the pink dolphin monster in the fairy village. She gives 2 agility per level. The cost of 1 AP might not be worth it to some, but remember, EX turns as a dragon do not cost AP.
Method Two
There are actually two methods for farming swallow eyes and they both involve having a lot of progress with the Fairy Village mini-game, which isn't available until part two when Ryu is an adult. It takes about 6 hours of gameplay to max out fairy village. Farming items can be done by making 15 copy shop fairies or 15 gift shop fairies.
Gift Shop Fairies
Gift shop fairies are much more consistent. They give you an item for visiting. The item is determined by the number of fights you've gotten into since you spoke with them, starting at 0 if they're brand new. You do not have to win the fights, you may run! Gift shop fairies will give you a swallow eye when the number of fights you've accumulated is 71-76, 78-80. Set up your copy shop, put your fairies in it, then leave and get into 70+ fights. When you talk to the fairies after that, they will have a gift for you, one swallow eye each! Up to 15 at a time! Yummy.
Just so we're clear, you can make up for any stat penalties from masters at the end of the game, with work and time, using gift shops. You can re-evaluate the pros and cons of a master based on on how much work some items are to farm. Gift shops can give the following stat boosting items:
#Battles Items
7 *Fish Head
31-40 Life Shard
41-50 Magic Shard
51-60 Power Food
61-70 Protein
71-80 (except 77) Swallow Eye
81-90 Fish Head
*Note: Intelligence is a useless stat. Nina with 400 intelligence still can't compete with Ryu for damage. Tried it.
Copy Shop Fairies
To use the copy shop to begin with, you have to have a bunch of Swallow Eyes to begin with, and the game only gives you two. Copy shops also have a chance of failure and you lose your item. However, it only requires 30 battles for the copy shop to complete the process.
Summary
The most consistent way to farm Swallow Eyes is to use Gift Shops. You should get Ryu's agility to 110 to 130 while wearing his heaviest equipment before you can be sure you'll always be fast enough to have EX turns.
Method 3:
Oh yeah, these strategies are unnecessary if you apprentice Rei under Meryleep, unlock the Chain Formation and put Rei on point which makes everyone else have Rei's Agility score. I think Rei sucks though.
Wizards Should Apprentice Under Fahl
The most valuable stats for spellcasters are AP and Def. AP is valuable because of how rare AP restoring items are. Fahl does not take away from AP! He takes away from Intelligence, but that's fine. As we've established, Intelligence sucks in this game and Fish Heads are the easiest item to farm! Defense is more valuable than HP. Put Nina and Momo under Fahl for 10 levels for 40 HP and 30 Defense and they'll never take damage again except from enemies using breath weapons, Berserkers and Arch Mages. I recommend using Nina and Momo because they are your best buff/debuff/crowd control/support units.
Rei and Garr are not for Dealing Damage
The first time I played this game, my main party included Rei and Garr. I thought they would be good melee fighters. The fact is, the amount of damage Ryu can do in his Warrior and Kaiser forms makes any other damage redundant during a boss fight. They barely contribute during random battles. In fact, in boss battles, what I needed from non-Ryu characters was healing and buffs, at which Rei is subpar and Garr is shit.
Rei is clearly a support unit. He has the ability to use a healing item before the enemy has a turn and he can steal or use debuffs, though less effectively than Nina or Momo. If you unlock the chain formation, then Ryu can benefit from Rei's Agility to get Dragon EX turns, but I got tired of commanding Rei to defend all the time. He can use Disembowel at the start of a fight to maybe instantly remove one enemy from play.
Garr is a tank. Apprentice him under Fahl, pick a formation that gives him the highest chance of taking hits, put him on point,
Make Battles Last Longer with Peco
Peco has a counterattack rate of 50%. This is a good way to draw out the length of a battle with numerous extra animations. If Peco can hit really hard and reliably 1-shot enemies in random encounters, use him. If not, you're better off relying on concentrated deliberate damage. An additional downside to relentless counterattacks is that you can't do a lot of stealing if Peco keeps killing all your marks. I only use Peco for learning abilities from masters. I hear some people really like Peco and think he's OP. They must be playing this game wrong.
Everything you need to know about skills and masters
General Tip: Use your levels wisely. It's easier to learn all the skills/spells you want if you keep your levels low. For example, Peco starts out on level 1. That means if you save him for when you meet Deis, you're only 15 minutes of grinding away from unlocking all the best attack spells.
The only important masters are numbered.
I've provided my amazing 2 cents on which masters beyond that have what value.
#1. Meryleep!
The best skills in this game bar none are Shadowwalk and Aura. Shadowwalk comes from Meryleep. It is a guaranteed crit that costs 8 AP. She also gives Charm which is very useful for getting certain special late game item drops. She also gives 2 Agility at level up.
#2. Falh
He gives invaluable stat boosts for spellcaster types with low HP and Def. Defense is very valuable in this game! Most attacks have to get through your defense. For other attacks, such as Magic which essentially does it's base damage + some amount of Int, and breath weapons which do damage based on current HP/Max HP, they need to beat sheer HP. I don't recall using his skills except Resist during Berserker and Arch Mage fights, but I'm usually not happy unless I learn it from Balio and Sunder.
#3. Ladon.
Get Aura. Maybe. Actually, I recommend Aura over Shadowwalk for Berserker and Arch Mage. The extreme stat growth he offers works best for characters who a) don't need AP, can afford to sacrifice HP, and who you would like to improve their overall stats. This is if you want a more powerful car with less fuel economy. or b) if you're grinding out levels over level 50 when all your stat growth tanks; There's no point in doing that though.
Steal and Monopolize are wonderful. Her stat growth is terrible however. It's such a meager difference to natural growth. I don't know who it complements, but probably Momo for the early game because she also gives a slight bonus to Attack hit chance.
#4 Bunyan
I recommend Bunyan for any character who will rely on melee damage. His skill Focus is also worth noting. Focus can be stacked and combined with Shadowwalk and Aura to do the best damage in the entire game: 2,000+ damage with Aura. Super Combo is an expensive pain in the ass. I will gladly never play a mini-game to make sure my attack works. Disembowel is probably useless. I never bothered getting it from him after I earned it.
The Rest.
Deis
She gives you the best attack spells in the game. These can be good for Momo. I've heard that Peco makes a good wizard too. Nina learns them later. I have never used Celerity, but it might be amazing.
Giotto
Like Ladon, this guy alters your stat growth in an extreme way. His actual quality is that you can get Ruy a lot of HP and AP early to mid game. This is the option for if you want a weaker car with more fuel economy. His skills are ass.
Emitai
He teaches Mind Sword. It's a very cheap single target attack spell that a wizard can use over their Attack command. In my experience, this is stronger than Magic Ball and generally useful. Barrier and Enlighten are good on paper, but I seldom need Barrier or rely on Magic to do a lot of damage.
Hachio
A crappy Bunyan clone who teaches a skill called Demonsbane which I found to be a lesser choice for skills and Mighty Chop which is just an easter egg. In theory, your wizards can use Might Chop instead of Attack indefinitely and be able to contribute without using AP, but they nerfed it.
Mygas
Magic Ball is OP at the beginning of the game. You can do 40~60 damage to one enemy for 2 AP. I don't think this spell gets any stronger. If you unlock Typhoon from him in the early game, it's useful for grinding and emergencies. I think Meditation might be useful but I've never experimented with it.
Yggdrasil
Shield is the only good spell he offers, though you may find it redundant. Face it, the only reason you use Yggdrasil is because it's early game and you're done with Mygas and you don't want to spend your mage character's levels on a non-magic master.
Durandal
I think this master is a waste of perfectly good levels.
Hondara
You can't unlock Hondara without learning everything from Durandal. That's a shame because I like this guy's spells. Well, I like them on paper. In case it's not clear, I never used his skills.
Other Skills worth Learning (This list is Short)
Burn
Have Ryu learn this from Mage Goos in Cedar Woods. It's cheap and effective against Nut Troops on Mt. Myrneg and that's all it's for. Actually, you can also use it on Vulcan's in Mt. Zublo to wake them up and power them up for exp!
Blind
This can be learned from Rippers and has a pretty good success rate. Blind the Nue boss. I stop using it very early on. It has a secret use. If you blind Eye Goos, they drop 30 experience.
Frost
Ryu can use this on mud men at Mt. Myrneg to paralyze them an make them drop 70 experience. You can give it to Momo after that so she can have a reliable attack.
Double Blow
Stronger than a regular attack but weaker than a crit.
Bone Dart
I've heard good things but I always gave up on learning it!
Lava Busrt
An AOE, medium powered fire spell and you get it pretty early. That's cool!
Cure
Secret powerful healing skill learned from the paralyzed enemies in the desert level. You have to cure their paralysis using a panacea and then they might use it. I forget how to make them use it, but I don't think it's hard.
Low Level Strats
Why low level? Because you want to maximize your opportunities for stat growth and learning skills from masters.
Get Magic Ball and Typhoon Skills Early.
- Keep Teepo (or Ryu) on level 1 until you unlock Mygas. Apprentice Teepo under Mygas and you can be ready to learn all his spells by the time you complete McNeil Manor. These skills automatically go to your Skills book in your camp after you lose Teepo. Give Nina Magic Ball and Typhoon right away for easy fights.
- Run all the time. It's fine. Your defense drops for that round of combat though.
- Kill Teepo a lot.
- Have extra Healing Herbs.
- Clear the ? Forest blocking the path to Mt. Glaus while you still have Rei in your party.
- Why would you do this? Because leveling up to level 8 from level 7 is actually a lot more work than leveling from 1 to 7.
- Earn a ton of money for equipment and healing items by farming Silver Knives from the Manilo Fishing Shop. Silver Knives go for 600 Zenny each. It might take you 2 hours to farm 6,000 Zenny. You don't have to worry about missing money from escaping all the fights.
- Fun fact, you can get away with not buying any gear until the Contest of Champions. If you do your fishing, you can actually get better armor from the fishing spot near Momo's Tower and since you're running away from most fights, weapons aren't important.
Having any AP restoring items in the beginning can make a big difference if you're underleveled.
- Rainbow Trout restores 5 AP.
- Sea Bream restores 5 AP.
- Black Porgy restores 20 AP. Located in fishing spots near Momo's tower and southeast of Mt. Zublo. Use frog bait. Get 10.
- Wisdom Seeds 20 AP (Steal from ghosts and spectres at the lighthouse. Spectres also appear at angel tower.)
Boss Strats
NUE
Blind it and do your best.
AMALGAM
Equip Silver Knives from the Manillo Shop. This fight is actually not dangerous at all.
MUTANT
This creature regenerates 250 HP each turn. You can make him lose his regenerating ability by hitting it with fire attacks until he stops. You shouldn't go all out or use your dragon forms until then. Spend the first few rounds preparing any buffs you might have, healing, defending, and using Molotovs on him.
Contest of Champions Round 1
- Claw: Honestly, I don't remember. Luck?
- Cawer: same as above.
- Patrio: same as above. Remember to steal from these three.
- Dodai: If you target the Dodai under your opponent, your opponent will target your Dodai. When your Dodai is low on HP, use a multi-vitamin on him which you can purchase at the item store at the arena. Dodai is worth 3000 exp.
Contest of Champions Round Two
- Ematai: Not a threat.
- Golems x2: Concentrate on one at a time and keep your HP up. Do not bother learning Spirit Blast, it sucks when you use it.
Stallion
Balio and Sunder fuse. He can use Jolt and when his HP gets to about half or less, he starts using a skill called Utmost Attack that does 50 damage to everyone so keep your HP up at all times!
Gazer
Ryu should be some sort of fire dragon and everyone else should defend, heal and buff Defense. Don't bring any party members who can't take a hit because gazer has AOE attacks.
Dolphin
His weakness is electricity.
Gisshan, Scylla, and Charyb
Ice moves!
Garr (Angel Tower)
Nothing to worry about.
Dragon Zombie
Fire and High Defense.
Mikba
Ryu can use either the Holy Dragon form or the Fire Dragon form. Holy will hit harder with Radiant Claw but consume more AP. Rei is useless.
Huge Slug
Fire Warrior form. Not even a fight. Basically, this is how every boss fight will go from here on.
Shroom
Fire Warrior form.
Gaist
I think his weakness is Ice. Make sure to examine his ashes after the fight before you leave the room!
Angeler
Inoculate yourself so you are protected against electricity before the fight. He has no weaknesses, just throw down.
Ammonites
I think I lost to them on accident once. Use the Thunder Warrior form. It's not even a fight.
Elder
I don't remember this guy being a threat.
Manmo
Non-challenge.
Chimera
I don't remember a damn thing about you.
Arwan
Totally forgot.
Dragn Lord
This was unsatisfyingly quick. I felt cheated. Fake boss.
Myria
Speaking of fake bosses, I remember this one being too easy too. She might have had a cheap spell or two.
Level Grinding Strats
Experience is divided among the surviving party members. You can kill off one or two to get one party member extra EXP. You can use the Monopolize skill from D'Lonzo to have one character get all the exp. This is also a valid way to keep characters from earning exp if you want to control their levels.
Low Levels
There are some enemies that give bonus exp if you do the right thing to them.
- Eye Goo: Blind them and they drop 30 exp.
- Tar Man: Use Frost or ice magic to paralyze them and they drop 70 exp.
Go to Mt. Zublo and fight Vulcans, giant boulders with faces. If you use a fire skill on them, not a fire/wind skill, they will wake up and become worth 900 exp each. This is really the best way to grind experience until the late game.
Level 30+
This game is basically designed for you to peak at level 35 or so. That's when the experience to next level gets really high! Here's what you do if you want more levels late game.
Lava Men
This strat is not recommended because I haven't achieved it yet, so I can't say what you're really in for. Go back to Mt. Zublo and fight the lava men. You can power them up casting fire skills/spells on them. You can do a combination of powering them up and using an item called Ivory Dice, see the next paragraph, to get the max possible exp in a single fight, but they're wicked hard. Give it a shot and see what happens, but don't have expectations of pulling it off.
Ivory Dice
These can be farmed from a late game Manillo shop. If you use one in battle, the EXP you'll earn doubles. The effects stack if you use multiple Ivory Dice in one fight. See the next paragraph "Secret Enemies."
Secret Enemies
If you want to much higher, go to the Container Yard and fight some Berserkers and Arch Mages. They are very challenging, but they can drop a ton of exp. Use your Ivory Dice here. Get inoculations for Fire and Electric property damage too.
Dragon Gene FAQs
What is the difference between Thorn and Gross?
Thorn affects the elemental genes, Fire/Ice/Thunder/Shadow/Radiance so that instead of taking 0 damage form the corresponding elemental attack, your elemental form will recover HP from corresponding elemental attacks. Gross improves your HP, Power, Defense, Wisdom, Agility. Gross and thorn are interchangeable if you pair one of them with Eldrich, Defender, or Force genes. Either Thorn or Gross will cause the same improvements to the Defender, Eldrich, and Force Forms. Stacking thorn and gross will get you a stronger form, but is not going to get you any significant improvements.
How does Fusion work and is it useful?
I have no goddamn idea!
Warrior vs Kaiser Form?
Infinity + Failure or Trance + Radiance + Infinity combined give you a Super Saiyajin Ryu. Kaiser can use Focus and Shadowwalk or Focus and Aura if Ryu knows the skills. The warrior is more AP affordable, has slightly higher Power, and has Focus and Aura built in.
Puzzle & Mini-Game Strats
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