Recently, I have begun to remove myself from the petty bullshit squabbles of my family. It really is petty. They use words like bully and abusive like a child might use the word meanie or dumb. What do they fight over? Petty stuff. It's much more interesting and purposeful to instead talk about what the underlying cause is. The root of all evil in my parents' messed up relationship is they're not happy about it and they're not smart enough to figure it out. My dad probably doesn't even realize he's unhappy. I suppose, when you're heavily invested in proving you're the one who's less inconsiderate, you can't really tell how deep in the ditch you've scooted down on your taint.
As I've said, I've began to see this whole thing from a new perspective. Ugly fight's over which one is the dumb ass for losing the t.v. remote involving character defamation of people who died over ten years ago once made me fearful of my own family members and unsafe in my own bed now seem like two children arguing over which color is better, green or blue. I promise you, there's no exaggerating in the previous sentence.
So no offense, but here's the problem, ultimately: My dad is an idiot who is too stupid to understand the concept of consideration and the concept of other people having their own perspectives and my mom hasn't yet realized after 25+ years that she doesn't have to live with the guy. They're not very compatible people, but compatibility doesn't mean two people can't live their lives together. You just need to be wise enough to understand your differences and realize which aspects of your own character cause conflict and, oh gee, i dunno, keep them in the back of your mind the next time you leisurely stroll into your bedroom at 11pm and start flipping on lights and talking to the cat in your outdoor voice.
When you begin to see your parents in the same light children, you feel a weight come off. They can still aggravate the hell out of you, but it's no longer threatening.
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