Baseball Sucks - Steroids Would Make it Better!

Baseball is boring! The first baseball game I remember was not necessarily the first baseball game I went to. I complained so much about how bored I was that we left in about fifteen minutes. Baseball is probably the easiest sport to learn and to play. Baseball is so lame, the greatest baseball player ever was a fat guy. The only thing you ever hear about baseball is the steroid use, which actually sounds like a beautifully untapped potential for money and entertainment!

Legalize steroid use in baseball! I think I'll start my own baseball league where all players are required to use steroids and other performance enhancing drugs. Sleep in an elevation tent too! The bigger, faster, harder, and stronger you are, the more interesting the game. Could you imagine a baseball league where all the players were jacked! I'd watch that! I want to see a sport where all the players are badass! I want to see a sport that demonstrates the full potential of a human being. I want to see what this species can do! I want a league with it's obscene records! Maybe we can even make the diamond bigger to accommodate all the giants and titans running around.

I'd even let them dress however they wanted. Sleeveless? Sure. Tuxedo? Terrific! Banana Hammock? We can print a team logo on that! Nude? No problem! Just as long as you have your number plainly visible. You could even wear a cape or dress like a lucha libre. Sounds good to me. I encourage a team to resemble or parody a super hero team.

Also, you're required to have an nontraditional team name like Killer Bastards, Evil Space Aliens, or Fuzzy Pickled Robots. None of that animals crap. Who the fuck wants to watch The Sharks vs The Polar Bears? Only if it's a real shark and polar bear goddamn you! I want to see Demonic Babies vs Ghost Voyuers!

You know what else? Mixed sexes! As long as you are willing to follow the drug rules and have the skills to make the team, you're in! It's baseball, there's not a whole lot of physical contact. It's all about skill and ability here. Weight Class and Age are bigger factors for an athlete here.

I'd call it the SBL - The Super Baseball League, or something like that.