Saturday, September 28, 2013

Two Kinds of Apologies

There are two kinds of apologies. There is the humble apology which just says "sorry" or "sorry and..." As in "I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me," or "I'm sorry and I hope we can still be friends." Then there's the arrogant apology which says "sorry but..." "Sorry, but you should have known better than to do this," or "sorry, but you shouldn't have done that..." The reason why we make arrogant apologies is because it's more important for us to be right than to be peaceful.

When we make a mistake or inadvertently harm someone, cross a line, violate a boundary or step on someone's toes, they lose a little bit of faith in you. One way of recovering it is by apologizing. A good apology does not try to explain, defend, or justify our actions. A good apology just tries to make up for a mistake and undo some emotional damage. Be the bigger person and apologize; if the other person is big enough, they'll accept your apology and maybe they'll apologize for something too. Give people some credit and assume they'll take some responsibility. If they don't, oh well.

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