Heavy Metal Sucks

     I like various kinds of music. I like rock, jazz, pop, blues, rap, and symphonic/orchestral stuff. I really like music with intelligent, poetic lyrics and well composed music including a large number and variety of instruments and I prefer songs that are long and that don't sound repetitive. I recently discovered Power Metal, a genre of rock described as uplifting, symphonic metal - Sounds good! Fascinated, I needed to share my discovery with the world!
     I was talking about Power Metal when some fucking guy says to me "Hey, listen to these guys. They're pretty upbeat too" and this fucker gives me the name of a Heavy Metal band. The band is called *sigh* 3 Inches of Blood. That's as cliched as it gets. He suggested three songs too, as if to complement my song suggestions. In retrospect I think he could have been fucking with me.
     What do I hate about 3 Inches of Blood? First off, the singer has that high pitched, screechy rocker voice that sounds like he has a throat cold and he just breathed in some helium. Fuck that voice. That voice is balls. How was that voice ever taken seriously? Whenever I hear that voice I think of Dr. Rockso, the Rock and Roll Clown, and I think "fuck!"
     Second, the music. When I picture what these guys look like when they play their instruments, I picture chaos itself. It sounds like the entire band is, without any coordination, thought, or knowledge of how to play, just tries to light their instruments on fire with friction!
     Third, the lyrics. I read them. Oh my, I read them. It reads like they just wrote down a collection of sentence fragments which are related only by themes of Conan the Barbarian, blood, violence, and more Conan the Barbarian.
     Fuck 3 Inches of Blood and fuck that guy!