Thursday, April 17, 2014

10 Reasons Why Zombie Apoclypse Preparation Won't Matter

In case of a zombie apocalypse, grab a gun or a sword, get your friends, and head over to the nearest Wal-Mart, right? Barricade yourselves inside, play video games, eat snacks, actively hunt zombies and search for survivors, fall in love with the hot chick, etc. Well, a zombie apocalypse might seem like a big deal but it's small potatoes compared to what you're actually about to face. 1 of 2 things, or both: because we haven't the technology and nature is most certainly not primed to spawn a zombie virus anytime soon, the appearance of a zombie apocalypse denotes either the start of a new Dark Age or an Alien Invasion.

New Dark Age
In the event of a ZA, the potential for a new dark age is very real because if enough of the right people die off, we will lose our ability to use our own technology and all societal structure will crumble with no political stability. The survivors will go through all the available food and resources and/or it will spoil within a year, max three and by then you're not eating a healthy, balanced diet. You are going to have to reinvent agriculture and raise future generations to revive all our lost technology. Worse case scenario, let's say enough drug cartel guys or something like that survive. You're fucked. You don't want to have to compete with people like that. They will make the new dark age violent, sad, and longer than it needs to be.

The Alien Invasion
This is ingenious because no one besides me has ever thought of this, ever. Why would invading aliens fly around zapping us, (although zapping is also pretty bad for us)? A star aged culture would be able to use a weaponized disease such as a zombie virus if not something less modern horror. It's highly contagious with a 100% infection rate. Fuck "Warm Bodies." Our population would be reduced to a tiny fraction very rapidly. Due to the collapse of society we would have no technology and no resources to speak of. They'd conquer the shit out of us in less than 6 months.

I would take the easy route and shoot myself in the brain pretty early on. Right before that I'd probably dick pick the FCC or something.

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