Death Note Sucks and is Bad

First off, Light Yagame? His name is Light? Subtle. That's how you know you're watching a kid's show; when select characters are given obviously special, ridiculous names. Is that a proper Japanese name? If so, why did they translate it? Is it somehow important to the mystery or the story or the character development? I think it's just insignificant irony or a tacky writing style. Maybe it's an editorial mandate.

Death Note sucks. L and the Task Force are inept investigators. They fail to establish a means without which an opportunity is ambiguous, yet L selects his suspect Light based on the most absurd logic. L thinks Light Yagame is Kira because Light is smart and has access to a police database through his dad's home computer and really, a home computer? I think not.

Here's why L is full of shit. You have to establish a means. Without a means, a motive and an opportunity, your suspect walks. People can be suspects if they're friends, family, co-workers, or maybe if they're on the same block as a warm body (also black, but that's a whole other thing). Having an alibi generally means you didn't have a means or opportunity. You couldn't be the killer because you were shitting and everyone knows it! Another example alibi could be you were at work shitting and only your boss knows about it because he's a really great guy.

In a scenario like the one in Death Note, your suspect list has 100,000 names. With no obvious suspects to start, you skip that step and go right to the HOW. How does Kira kill? Does he use some chemical agent or Bio-weapon? A super virus? Hypnosis? Animal-Psychology? Tacos? I would assume it's something brand new and completely ingenious. Doctors would be autopsying around the clock. I'd get scientists from all over. I'd send bodies to universities, hospitals, any facility equipped with a table and a knife. There's a lot of Kira victims! Does he have people on the inside? If so, how many? Do a massive inside investigation. With whom have these criminals interacted? Who gave them their medical exams? Who fed them? Who did their laundry? Are other inmates involved? The inmate's friends and family?. Because WE the audience know the explanation is supernatural, we know that the medical exams aren't turning up jack. We know it's not the Yakuza or Mad Science or some religious fanatics. WE know L is screwed taking any real, actual route. If this crime was real, the investigation might take years. I don't recall anyone who points that out.

Here's the million dollar question: A GODDAMN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT YOU DIPSHIT?! L estimated the likeliness that Light is Kira is 5%. Five fucking percent. It's more plausible that extra-terrestrials are involved. Maybe some cleaver asshole is inserting a few ringers to gut themselves in the prisons to take credit for some new disease epidemic? I recall L referring to Light's intelligence or his psychologic profile and stating that he has access to a police database. Because yeah, computers are completely hacker proof. Maybe someone else broke in and accessed that computer? Does anyone even think that Kira is probably many, many people working together? I assume L doesn't suspect Light is a goddamn wizard!

A Note about the Mystery Genre: Am I the only one who's bothered by how in mystery stories, the good guys are written by the same person who writes the bad guys? You know going into the story that there will be no loose ends and everything will be tied up in a neat little package with the perfect little bow. The mystery genre gets old fast. Hopefully the mystery is really interesting or suspenseful and dramatic enough. If not, than give me some decent characters.

That's the other thing, the characters in Death Note suck. Light sucks. His dad sucks. L sucks. Misa sucks. The shinigamis both really suck. One of the guys on the task force thinks it's really cool to be on the task force because it makes him feel like a secret agent "or something." About the shinigami's, here's a plot hole: How do shinigami eyes work? Are people's lifespans engraved in stone or do they update whenever people make a healthy or unhealthy decision? If Ryuk has the ability to see how long Light has left to live, surely he can see that Light has a year left right? Does this character seem like more of a douche bag now? You thought that other one was the douche bag. Well you're wrong, they're both douche bags.

How come Light is anywhere near as smart as L? How can he compete? L is a certified genius and was given a very, very special upbringing. Light doesn't own any video games.

I have to admit, I haven't given Death Note a fair viewing. I've been in the same room with others the entire time as they watched entire episodes, though. I should watch this show so I can really pick it apart. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle said "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." By improbable, I doubt that he allowed room for fucking magic. As far as I can tell, this story was meant to be a game of chess between two geniuses and everything else comes second: the board, the pieces, and reason.