I can't review the rm2k3 help file because of Windows Vista, but the internet says that the help file says that the skill damage algorithm is:
dmg = base + (atk/20 * Atk Influence) + (def/40 * Int Influence)
NOTE: I believe Magic Defense (MDF) = 1/8*INT. I don't know how it factors in but it does where INT is involved.
Through some experimentation, I have concluded the help file to be mistaken. When I tweaked Character DEF or Enemy DEF there was no difference in skill effect (for magic influenced skills). Therefore, I conclude the actual skill algorithm to be:
dmg = base + (atk/20 * Atk Influence) + (Int/40* Int Influence)
Still not happy with Rm2k3? I recommend upgrading to RPG Maker VX Ace anyhow, but if you can't, here's what else I recommend:
Try to imitate either "Lunar the Silver Star" or the remake "Lunar SSSC."
In the original Lunar on Sega CD, spells always did ~exact damage. The spell list for each character tended to be huge. Later spells are the stronger versions of earlier ones which become obsolete.
To do this, enter the desired damage for a particular spell into the effect rating box and make many more.
For the remake on PSX, the effectiveness of spells was clearly influenced by the characters' growing stats. Nash for instance has only 3 lightning spells instead of 11.
To do this, go into your attributes page and crank up the numbers for Magic attributes only. The C value should be 400% because INT is divided by 4.
A = 800.....the new Double
B = 600.....1.5x
C = 400.....1x or normal
D = 200.....= half
F = 100......= 1/4 (or 0 for 0)
Now, for the Skill. The skill's Effective Rating field works fine at 1. As a result, at the C value, the damage from a spell will now reflect the INT stat +/- variance.
Want some variety? Maybe you want your Fireball spell to be weaker than your Lightning Bolt spell. Create a new Magic Attribute for your Lightning Bolt spell, and set the C value for say, 500 (=1.25x stronger than Fireball!). Now, Lightning Bolt does INT*1.25 damage and Fireball does INT*1 damage. All your spells should have their own individual Attributes.
NOTE: Multiple attributes on 1 skill can get complicated.
I find that it's helpful just to set the ATK/INT influence to 10 because it simplifies the math (Wikipedia commutative property), which now looks like this:
dmg = base + (atk/20 * Atk Influence) + (Int/40* Int Influence)
dmg = base + (atk/20 * 10) + (Int/40 * 10)
dmg = base + (10/20 * atk) + (10/40 * int)
dmg = base + (1/2 * atk) + (1/4 * int)
*for magic, attack influence is 0, right? So, Dmg = base + 1/4INT.
Final formula is probably, Dmg = base + 1/4INT - 1/8INT.
Did you follow that? This is why I suggest a 4 base (400%) number system.
*This idea doesn't work for the Normal Attack algorithm (Atk/2 - Def/4 = dmg).
Atk is multiplied by 1/2. You could cancel it out by creating Weapon Attributes where the value for C is 200. Now it's Atk * 1/2 * 2; effectively Atk*1. (NOTE: The damage formula when Characters attack Enemies is now effectively dmg = ATK - DEF/2 instead of DEF/4. Whatever number is in an enemy's DEF field is halved now, not quartered.)
Here's the problem with this. Enemies do not have attributes for their normal attacks, so they will still use the old algorithm when they attack. You could improvise by giving enemies a "dummy skill" as an alternative in place of a basic attack. This means you'll see a lot more of that "SKILL NAME" window in battle. Not pretty. Also, skill accuracy is not affected if the enemy is blinded. If you do this anyway, make do with the original algorithm for enemies and adjust their stats accordingly.
Another problem is characters do not have attributes for their attacks if they are unarmed.
At least you can do some neat stuff with skills!
Friday, December 21, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Resident Evil Games
I love the original Resident Evil games. I don't like the new ones. Whenever I mention that, however, most people disagree. Some of them disagree in a manner more fiery than is rational. Once upon a time, side-scrolling platforms were in demand. These days, action games and shooters are most popular. Resident Evil is adapting to the gaming market. It hasn't sold out or betrayed anyone or anything; although, it feels like it. I'm mostly disappointed that there'll never be another game like it.
I love the classic RE games, probably for all the reasons most people don't. I love the controls for movement and fighting. I love the back tracking and ridiculous puzzles. I love the slow pacing.
I love the camera angles and inventory system. Many of these characteristics are seen as poor design, but I would like to share my perspective.
Let's start with those camera angles. People don't seem to like them. Maybe they don't understand why the game is designed this way. Resident Evil is a horror game. The camera angles are used to create atmosphere, like in a horror movie. I liked the camera angles and I never had a problem with them, even those particular ones that worked to your disadvantage. In RE games, there's going to be a monster that's just around the corner or off screen you can't see it and so you don't know how to deal with it your first time through, or even successive times through. It always felt like a fun challenge to me. You're supposed to be in spooky, unsettling places. You're suppose to be edgy and feel uncomfortable in your environment. The camera angles did a good job showing off the neat backgrounds. They were dynamic and lively. I feel a traditional, over the shoulder 3rd person or 1st person perspective would be less interesting.
How about the controls? Moving around is stiff. You move forward an back with UP and DOWN, respectively. LEFT an RIGHT do not move your character, instead, LEFT an RIGHT spin you around, reorienting the direction you face. Moving laterally in an RE game is non-existent. You can run in arcs though, by combining forward with left or right. It takes time to learn to move like this, making the game almost inaccessible to new players. There isn't much else in the way of moving or maneuvers. In an emergency, you can turn around 180* to retreat by pressing two buttons. There was also a dodge action in RE3, but it too was difficult to learn.
Also, fighting is very limited. You press and hold an AIM button to aim your weapon. You automatically lock-on to the closest enemy. Then, press the ATTACK button to fire. You can aim medium, low, or high. You cannot move and shoot at the same time, which would actually be very helpful. You could criticized these controls for being unrealistic. In real life, I can aim at specific points, not just low, medium, or high. In reality, I could also move around while I shoot.
I'll concede to these points, however, I would prefer simply altering the controls to make the same game have more intuitive controls than to do a complete overhaul and change in game design. You know, sometimes a game is fun because of what you're restricted from doing by the rules. For instance, there's no clothes-lining in basketball and no tripping in Soccer. The restrictive controls in RE games was never a problem to me. They were the rules and if something didn't go well for me because of the rules, I didn't blame them. You could also relate Resident Evil to an RPG game, where you don't actually mash buttons or enter combos, and you take turns getting hit. Not realistic, but I liked it.
Also an issue in the RE series is how come a single key takes up as much inventory space as 50 grenades or a shotgun? Another instance where abstract rules provide an interesting challenge. I can only carry 8 different items at once, simple. Maybe you can over think these things?
Also, don't knock the stupid puzzles. I love the stupid puzzles. You're exploring functionally strange environments thought up by wealthy, eccentric, and paranoid kooks; Basically it's a fun-house level before a secret science lab level. I dig it. Remember, RE is Horror. These strange puzzles add to the atmosphere. Solving puzzles also involves collecting stuff. I love collecting stuff. I love collecting stuff while managing limited inventory space; balancing weapons, ammo, medicine, keys, and McGuffins.
This leads the slow pacing and backtracking aspects of the gameplay. You're an armed soldier in hostile territory, but it's not an action game. Classic RE games were strategy games. Killing monsters was one aspect of the game, and the programmers did intend for you to find creative means to avoid confrontations. Ammo is scarce, and sometimes you're better off taking a few hits than killing something. Half the game is solving a mystery, half of it is survival. A slow pace can generate suspense. Backtracking eventually puts you back in dangerous situations. There's also a risk of getting lost, but I suppose most people felt that was more frustrating than scary?
I wish I could make games, because I'd make my own versions of all the old games I used to play. Why don't I take an interest in the new gen games? The short version is I don't feel like it. I still haven't played RE 4 or 5, and I'm not interested.
I love the classic RE games, probably for all the reasons most people don't. I love the controls for movement and fighting. I love the back tracking and ridiculous puzzles. I love the slow pacing.
I love the camera angles and inventory system. Many of these characteristics are seen as poor design, but I would like to share my perspective.
Let's start with those camera angles. People don't seem to like them. Maybe they don't understand why the game is designed this way. Resident Evil is a horror game. The camera angles are used to create atmosphere, like in a horror movie. I liked the camera angles and I never had a problem with them, even those particular ones that worked to your disadvantage. In RE games, there's going to be a monster that's just around the corner or off screen you can't see it and so you don't know how to deal with it your first time through, or even successive times through. It always felt like a fun challenge to me. You're supposed to be in spooky, unsettling places. You're suppose to be edgy and feel uncomfortable in your environment. The camera angles did a good job showing off the neat backgrounds. They were dynamic and lively. I feel a traditional, over the shoulder 3rd person or 1st person perspective would be less interesting.
How about the controls? Moving around is stiff. You move forward an back with UP and DOWN, respectively. LEFT an RIGHT do not move your character, instead, LEFT an RIGHT spin you around, reorienting the direction you face. Moving laterally in an RE game is non-existent. You can run in arcs though, by combining forward with left or right. It takes time to learn to move like this, making the game almost inaccessible to new players. There isn't much else in the way of moving or maneuvers. In an emergency, you can turn around 180* to retreat by pressing two buttons. There was also a dodge action in RE3, but it too was difficult to learn.
Also, fighting is very limited. You press and hold an AIM button to aim your weapon. You automatically lock-on to the closest enemy. Then, press the ATTACK button to fire. You can aim medium, low, or high. You cannot move and shoot at the same time, which would actually be very helpful. You could criticized these controls for being unrealistic. In real life, I can aim at specific points, not just low, medium, or high. In reality, I could also move around while I shoot.
I'll concede to these points, however, I would prefer simply altering the controls to make the same game have more intuitive controls than to do a complete overhaul and change in game design. You know, sometimes a game is fun because of what you're restricted from doing by the rules. For instance, there's no clothes-lining in basketball and no tripping in Soccer. The restrictive controls in RE games was never a problem to me. They were the rules and if something didn't go well for me because of the rules, I didn't blame them. You could also relate Resident Evil to an RPG game, where you don't actually mash buttons or enter combos, and you take turns getting hit. Not realistic, but I liked it.
Also an issue in the RE series is how come a single key takes up as much inventory space as 50 grenades or a shotgun? Another instance where abstract rules provide an interesting challenge. I can only carry 8 different items at once, simple. Maybe you can over think these things?
Also, don't knock the stupid puzzles. I love the stupid puzzles. You're exploring functionally strange environments thought up by wealthy, eccentric, and paranoid kooks; Basically it's a fun-house level before a secret science lab level. I dig it. Remember, RE is Horror. These strange puzzles add to the atmosphere. Solving puzzles also involves collecting stuff. I love collecting stuff. I love collecting stuff while managing limited inventory space; balancing weapons, ammo, medicine, keys, and McGuffins.
This leads the slow pacing and backtracking aspects of the gameplay. You're an armed soldier in hostile territory, but it's not an action game. Classic RE games were strategy games. Killing monsters was one aspect of the game, and the programmers did intend for you to find creative means to avoid confrontations. Ammo is scarce, and sometimes you're better off taking a few hits than killing something. Half the game is solving a mystery, half of it is survival. A slow pace can generate suspense. Backtracking eventually puts you back in dangerous situations. There's also a risk of getting lost, but I suppose most people felt that was more frustrating than scary?
I wish I could make games, because I'd make my own versions of all the old games I used to play. Why don't I take an interest in the new gen games? The short version is I don't feel like it. I still haven't played RE 4 or 5, and I'm not interested.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Cartoons Suck!
Cartoons suck now. It's not me and it's not because I'm an adult.
When it comes to cartoons of my past, there's lots I could talk about. I watched a lot of Cartoon Network, although many other kids bounced back and forth from Fox Kids, Kids WB, Family, Nickelodeon, and Disney (anything else?).
Cartoons today do not have what I want. There's a new Looney Tunes show. I don't understand this, Looney Tunes is a sitcom now? Please. I love Looney Tunes for the violence, absurdity, and samples of an older culture. Daffy Duck an Bugs Bunny are roomies in a house instead of a hole in the ground or a pond. I could shit.
I think the biggest crime of all is the new Tom an Jerry show, Tom & Jerry Tales. Tom and Jerry aren't violent anymore! Are you kidding me? Someone, please! Please give me the rights to this stuff! This is really painful for me. If Tom & Jerry is too violent for kids today, than for the love of humanity, make Tom & Jerry for adults! Put it on HBO or Showtime. Bring back traditional 2D animation. Bring back the guns, knives, poisons, explosives, boards with a nail sticking out, alcohol, cigars, red-hot fireplace pokers, frying pans, hammers, bug spray, mouse traps, broken glass, tacks on the floor, Ruth Goldberg Machines, and other easily-imitated violent acts. Tom & Jerry should be violent and even a little dark! I can't believe this!
Although, Phineas and Ferb is pretty good. It's gotten stale though.
When it comes to cartoons of my past, there's lots I could talk about. I watched a lot of Cartoon Network, although many other kids bounced back and forth from Fox Kids, Kids WB, Family, Nickelodeon, and Disney (anything else?).
Cartoons today do not have what I want. There's a new Looney Tunes show. I don't understand this, Looney Tunes is a sitcom now? Please. I love Looney Tunes for the violence, absurdity, and samples of an older culture. Daffy Duck an Bugs Bunny are roomies in a house instead of a hole in the ground or a pond. I could shit.
I think the biggest crime of all is the new Tom an Jerry show, Tom & Jerry Tales. Tom and Jerry aren't violent anymore! Are you kidding me? Someone, please! Please give me the rights to this stuff! This is really painful for me. If Tom & Jerry is too violent for kids today, than for the love of humanity, make Tom & Jerry for adults! Put it on HBO or Showtime. Bring back traditional 2D animation. Bring back the guns, knives, poisons, explosives, boards with a nail sticking out, alcohol, cigars, red-hot fireplace pokers, frying pans, hammers, bug spray, mouse traps, broken glass, tacks on the floor, Ruth Goldberg Machines, and other easily-imitated violent acts. Tom & Jerry should be violent and even a little dark! I can't believe this!
Although, Phineas and Ferb is pretty good. It's gotten stale though.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
XM = Fail
Anyone listen to XM radio? Losers, losers, losers, the whole lot ovya! I don't know why this didn't occur to me sooner. I'm streaming a jazz/blues radio station from Seattle. Why? Because I live in Sacramento and there is no jazz radio station here. Just the thought of being able to listen to radio stations you don't live anywhere near THROUGH THE MAGIC OF TEH INTERWEBS means radio has a new, untapped market! Fuck actual radio! AM/FM radio stations all across the country (world even) can now compete for dominance online without your precious satellites. XM radio is already at the end of it's product life cycle and it's <10 years old. It's about as useful as a walkman. It makes me cackel.
Next, Internet Television! Then, the world!
Next, Internet Television! Then, the world!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
There Will Never Be a FFVII Remake Because Enix is Run by Chumps
Someone left a comment on a Youtube video of mine asking about a remake for Final Fantasy 7, not as if I'd know. Actually, I did know. I'd read an interview by the guy in charge of Enix. He said there won't be a remake of FFVII until the company produces an RPG that surpasses the success of FFVII. When I read that line, 2 thoughts occurred. 1) You will never make an RPG better that FFVII. Not that FFVII is that great, but compared to your crummy games, FFVII is in it's own league. 2) Lol!
Let's talk about that comment some more. They will not remake FF7 until they can produce an RPG game that surpasses the success of FF7. Talk about catching your white whale. FF7 was most likely a fluke! Actually, it was something of a phenomenon. It's sales set records. It made the RPG genre accessible to people who didn't even play RPGs. It set standards for the industry. You can't do that on purpose. That was an accident, people! You can't set your expectations that high. It's unrealistic. Anyone in touch with a creative field will tell you that. There's no formula for a phenomenon. Look at the Ninja Turtles. That was intended to be a goddamn joke! You can't go into something expecting it to stir the hearts and minds of entire cultures and generations! You're incompetence has just lapped Dubbya's.
I do not believe in this concept of "Loyalty to the Fans" in the same vein that most others seem to, but right now, RPGs are really hurting. I haven't seen an RPG I liked in ~10 years (deja vu anyone?). Remake Final Fantasy VII and maybe you'll learn a thing or two about making a good RPG. Maybe you should get back to basics. Go back to the roots of the franchise instead of whatever the hell it is your doing. Talk to fans. Hear their thoughts. Here's mine: Don't touch FFVII. You're not skilled enough. You'll commit rule 34 all over it.
I have a sick fantasy, if you'll indulge me for a second. I'd like to make a trip to Japan and key all the cars in Enix's parking lot.
Let's talk about that comment some more. They will not remake FF7 until they can produce an RPG game that surpasses the success of FF7. Talk about catching your white whale. FF7 was most likely a fluke! Actually, it was something of a phenomenon. It's sales set records. It made the RPG genre accessible to people who didn't even play RPGs. It set standards for the industry. You can't do that on purpose. That was an accident, people! You can't set your expectations that high. It's unrealistic. Anyone in touch with a creative field will tell you that. There's no formula for a phenomenon. Look at the Ninja Turtles. That was intended to be a goddamn joke! You can't go into something expecting it to stir the hearts and minds of entire cultures and generations! You're incompetence has just lapped Dubbya's.
I do not believe in this concept of "Loyalty to the Fans" in the same vein that most others seem to, but right now, RPGs are really hurting. I haven't seen an RPG I liked in ~10 years (deja vu anyone?). Remake Final Fantasy VII and maybe you'll learn a thing or two about making a good RPG. Maybe you should get back to basics. Go back to the roots of the franchise instead of whatever the hell it is your doing. Talk to fans. Hear their thoughts. Here's mine: Don't touch FFVII. You're not skilled enough. You'll commit rule 34 all over it.
I have a sick fantasy, if you'll indulge me for a second. I'd like to make a trip to Japan and key all the cars in Enix's parking lot.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Final Fantasy Tactics Advances is Awesome, Guys!
One of my favorite RPGs is Final Fantasy Tactics. I love this game, but there's a problem: I've already played it. What I would really like is a proper sequel to this game with the original gameplay, graphics, and tones left intact. What we got is a lazy, boring, dysfunctional POS for kids called Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced. What a stupid title. It reeks.
The original Final Fantasy Tactics did some really good things for RPGs and videogames. It told a great story and provided a lot of fun and challenge. You play as a young noble, Ramza. He's a squire training to become a knight like his father so he can carry on the family legacy of leading the Hokuten, an army of knights, and uphold justice. Ramza never becomes a knight because he becomes disillusioned with society during some of his early experiences of the battlefield and leaves his life behind to become a mercenary. That's when he discovers the dark inner workings of leaders and authorities when he has to protect a princess from being assassinated by some of her enemies while protecting her from others who would exploit her rank and title. He also has to rescue his sister who is abducted by a warlord and expose the church and governments for the corrupt entities that they are. The overall war that takes place during the story is motivated by greed, and both sides are take advantage of the people while being manipulated by someone even higher up.
The game is rated T and it tells a serious story any adult can appreciate. This story has some dark themes to it. At some point, Ramza even becomes a Heretic. There's also a framing device where a narrator, a scholar named Arazlam, begins by telling you about a period in the history of Ivalice, called the Lion War. It's widely believed that a single hero rose from a commoner to a king and ended the war, but that's a lie. Arazlam discovered the real story which was suppressed by the church and shares it with the world to finally give due credit to those who have gone without proper recognition for hundreds of years and put an end to the churches lie.
To me, FFT is a realistic period piece with fantasy elements to it, rather than a fantasy story. It's as if Christopher Nolan directed it. The only complaints I have with this game are minor: Some localization issues and some characters whose roles in the story disappear as soon as they join your party.
The next tactics game we got from Square was bologna. Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced for the gameboy advanced (gba) is garbage. First let's address that it's a gba game and as such it is technically inferior to it's predecessor which was on the PS1. Also unlike it's predecessor, this game has an E rating. This leads us to the biggest problem - the story. FFT had a story worth your time, but FFTA has a story I would hesitate to call OK. There are almost no serious or significant themes. One of the main character's major conflict is her goddamn hair color. True to typical children stories, FFTA aims low. The art complements it's kid-friendly approach. The colors are bright and happy, the character designs are particularly cutesie, the music is light-hearted, and the sound effects almost have a silly or fun quality to them. Also, the fights in this game are presented more like a sport than actual combat.
The story is lame. The plot is our hero and his new friends from school read a final fantasy related book, which comes across as a crude break of the 4th wall. After reading it, one of them wishes the real world was like a final fantasy game and that night it comes true. The next moring, our main character Marche is confused when he wakes up in the middle of an unfamiliar street dressed like video game character, then he accidently calls someone a bad word and gets into a fight. After that, a Moogle (an iconic animal species of FF series) asks Marche to join his new team of adventurers called a "clan." Marche wants to learn more about how he got here and how to go home while occasionally meeting familiar faces.
The game's story is delivered in a strange way. Instead of a linear plot unraveling as you consistently progress, you visit Pubs and look at Job Postings and accept various Jobs for your clan that range from finding herbs to catching a thief and returning his overdue library books. You don't know which job postings will move the story forward and which ones will just give you busywork.
In case you don't care about the bad story, gameplay sucks too. The gameplay has been changed significantly so it hardly resembles the original. In FFT, you could unlock up to 21 classes. This was easy, fun, and rewarding. In FFTA, there are as many classes, but they're not as easily accessible, available, or interesting. For a Final Fantasy first, there are different races: Humans, Moogles, LizardMen(not the sexy kind), BunnyGirls(also not the sexy kind), and the Heffalumps from Winnie the Pooh, except they're dopey looking. Each race has access to certain classes, so if you want to have access to all the classes in the game, you need to have at least one character for every race. You need access to all the classes in order to meet certan requirements for certain job postings. Some classes are nothing special, just a slightly different versions of the same class that belongs to another race. At the end of the day, all this really amounts to a ton of busy work. Better get cracking, asshole!
The busywork in this game is overwhelming and distracts from the main plot so much so, that at the end of the day, the story feels like a poor excuse just to create a game about achieving random accomplishments and busywork. My fury is compounded by how slow paced the battles are in FFTA compared to FFT. The features of each class have also been changed, limited, or nerfed.
Another aspect of this gameplay I hate is the Laws and Judges. Laws are ridiculous rules about what you can and cannot do in a fight, such as "no hitting." There's really a law that says you can't use your attack command! Judges are assholes who enforce these stupid rules. This doesn't make the game any more interesting or challenging to me, it just makes it even more painful. At some point you meet some magical asshole who develops anti-laws and sells them for your left butt cheek. Get this, you use an anti-law to nullify a law you don't like. How the hell do I nullify a law? This is a vaguely defined, abstract idea. The anti-laws come in the form of playing cards. All you do is wave it and it disappears and changes the law. I can just see myself waving a Playing Card so I can shoplift at Wal-Mart. Even if you're brawling with a group of wild monsters, a judge magically appears to enforce the "no hitting" law. It's bullshit and I hate it.
Something else that bothers me about this Final Fantasy Failure is another failed attempt at character customization. In various FF games they attempt to build in a way for the player to customize their characters to build a dream party to suit their play style. Well it doesn't work because no matter how much emphasis you put on attack power or speed in this game, you won't notice it till late game and by the end, having a powerful fighter doesn't let you KO enemies in one hit and having a very fast character doesn't let you get in extra turns. What you end up with is typical strong yet slow character and a weak but fast character. If I had known that, I would have put more work into creating more well rounded characters so they wouldn't be crippled by having only one strength and many weaknesses.
I didn't finish the game because at some point it really sunk in how worthless this game is. By the middle of the game you discover the real enemy is one of your friends from school. He's the one who made the wish that started the whole mess. When his wish was granted, he became a prince, his father became king and head-judge, and his mom came back to life. The little asshole is so happy to be with his mom again that he's actually forgotten what life was like before he made the wish. Actually, I imagine there's some plot cliche about how he's actually a victim somehow, and the really real villain is manipulating him so he can feed off his joy or take over the world or some shit.
What I really want from Square for the Tactics spinoff franchise is for it to be taken seriously. I want a sequel that is true to the spirit of the original and I don't trust modern day Square Enix to have the ability. FFT falls under the genre StrategyRPG or TacticsRPG. There aren't very many TacticsRPGs out there. FFT wasn't the first TacticsRPG, but it was the best, and the only one I can actually play.
The original Final Fantasy Tactics did some really good things for RPGs and videogames. It told a great story and provided a lot of fun and challenge. You play as a young noble, Ramza. He's a squire training to become a knight like his father so he can carry on the family legacy of leading the Hokuten, an army of knights, and uphold justice. Ramza never becomes a knight because he becomes disillusioned with society during some of his early experiences of the battlefield and leaves his life behind to become a mercenary. That's when he discovers the dark inner workings of leaders and authorities when he has to protect a princess from being assassinated by some of her enemies while protecting her from others who would exploit her rank and title. He also has to rescue his sister who is abducted by a warlord and expose the church and governments for the corrupt entities that they are. The overall war that takes place during the story is motivated by greed, and both sides are take advantage of the people while being manipulated by someone even higher up.
The game is rated T and it tells a serious story any adult can appreciate. This story has some dark themes to it. At some point, Ramza even becomes a Heretic. There's also a framing device where a narrator, a scholar named Arazlam, begins by telling you about a period in the history of Ivalice, called the Lion War. It's widely believed that a single hero rose from a commoner to a king and ended the war, but that's a lie. Arazlam discovered the real story which was suppressed by the church and shares it with the world to finally give due credit to those who have gone without proper recognition for hundreds of years and put an end to the churches lie.
To me, FFT is a realistic period piece with fantasy elements to it, rather than a fantasy story. It's as if Christopher Nolan directed it. The only complaints I have with this game are minor: Some localization issues and some characters whose roles in the story disappear as soon as they join your party.
The next tactics game we got from Square was bologna. Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced for the gameboy advanced (gba) is garbage. First let's address that it's a gba game and as such it is technically inferior to it's predecessor which was on the PS1. Also unlike it's predecessor, this game has an E rating. This leads us to the biggest problem - the story. FFT had a story worth your time, but FFTA has a story I would hesitate to call OK. There are almost no serious or significant themes. One of the main character's major conflict is her goddamn hair color. True to typical children stories, FFTA aims low. The art complements it's kid-friendly approach. The colors are bright and happy, the character designs are particularly cutesie, the music is light-hearted, and the sound effects almost have a silly or fun quality to them. Also, the fights in this game are presented more like a sport than actual combat.
The story is lame. The plot is our hero and his new friends from school read a final fantasy related book, which comes across as a crude break of the 4th wall. After reading it, one of them wishes the real world was like a final fantasy game and that night it comes true. The next moring, our main character Marche is confused when he wakes up in the middle of an unfamiliar street dressed like video game character, then he accidently calls someone a bad word and gets into a fight. After that, a Moogle (an iconic animal species of FF series) asks Marche to join his new team of adventurers called a "clan." Marche wants to learn more about how he got here and how to go home while occasionally meeting familiar faces.
The game's story is delivered in a strange way. Instead of a linear plot unraveling as you consistently progress, you visit Pubs and look at Job Postings and accept various Jobs for your clan that range from finding herbs to catching a thief and returning his overdue library books. You don't know which job postings will move the story forward and which ones will just give you busywork.
In case you don't care about the bad story, gameplay sucks too. The gameplay has been changed significantly so it hardly resembles the original. In FFT, you could unlock up to 21 classes. This was easy, fun, and rewarding. In FFTA, there are as many classes, but they're not as easily accessible, available, or interesting. For a Final Fantasy first, there are different races: Humans, Moogles, LizardMen(not the sexy kind), BunnyGirls(also not the sexy kind), and the Heffalumps from Winnie the Pooh, except they're dopey looking. Each race has access to certain classes, so if you want to have access to all the classes in the game, you need to have at least one character for every race. You need access to all the classes in order to meet certan requirements for certain job postings. Some classes are nothing special, just a slightly different versions of the same class that belongs to another race. At the end of the day, all this really amounts to a ton of busy work. Better get cracking, asshole!
The busywork in this game is overwhelming and distracts from the main plot so much so, that at the end of the day, the story feels like a poor excuse just to create a game about achieving random accomplishments and busywork. My fury is compounded by how slow paced the battles are in FFTA compared to FFT. The features of each class have also been changed, limited, or nerfed.
Another aspect of this gameplay I hate is the Laws and Judges. Laws are ridiculous rules about what you can and cannot do in a fight, such as "no hitting." There's really a law that says you can't use your attack command! Judges are assholes who enforce these stupid rules. This doesn't make the game any more interesting or challenging to me, it just makes it even more painful. At some point you meet some magical asshole who develops anti-laws and sells them for your left butt cheek. Get this, you use an anti-law to nullify a law you don't like. How the hell do I nullify a law? This is a vaguely defined, abstract idea. The anti-laws come in the form of playing cards. All you do is wave it and it disappears and changes the law. I can just see myself waving a Playing Card so I can shoplift at Wal-Mart. Even if you're brawling with a group of wild monsters, a judge magically appears to enforce the "no hitting" law. It's bullshit and I hate it.
Something else that bothers me about this Final Fantasy Failure is another failed attempt at character customization. In various FF games they attempt to build in a way for the player to customize their characters to build a dream party to suit their play style. Well it doesn't work because no matter how much emphasis you put on attack power or speed in this game, you won't notice it till late game and by the end, having a powerful fighter doesn't let you KO enemies in one hit and having a very fast character doesn't let you get in extra turns. What you end up with is typical strong yet slow character and a weak but fast character. If I had known that, I would have put more work into creating more well rounded characters so they wouldn't be crippled by having only one strength and many weaknesses.
I didn't finish the game because at some point it really sunk in how worthless this game is. By the middle of the game you discover the real enemy is one of your friends from school. He's the one who made the wish that started the whole mess. When his wish was granted, he became a prince, his father became king and head-judge, and his mom came back to life. The little asshole is so happy to be with his mom again that he's actually forgotten what life was like before he made the wish. Actually, I imagine there's some plot cliche about how he's actually a victim somehow, and the really real villain is manipulating him so he can feed off his joy or take over the world or some shit.
What I really want from Square for the Tactics spinoff franchise is for it to be taken seriously. I want a sequel that is true to the spirit of the original and I don't trust modern day Square Enix to have the ability. FFT falls under the genre StrategyRPG or TacticsRPG. There aren't very many TacticsRPGs out there. FFT wasn't the first TacticsRPG, but it was the best, and the only one I can actually play.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Dark Knight Rises movie review
D.K. Rised Sucked!
I was disappointed by this movie. Was it a bad movie? No. Was it a bad Batman movie? Maybe. Probably, the reasons why I am unhappy with Dark Knight Rises are going to be unique to me. I loved Dark Knight, but I didn't like Batman Begins. My complaints aren't complaints about the movie as a piece of cinema so much as complaints about the ideas that went into it.
Let's start out from the beginning. As expected for modern story telling, we open with an exciting action scene. Some CIA guy is transporting prisoners. I got the impression he was a sloppy CIA guy too, btw. Why? Cause CIA guy is looking for Baine, and doesn't even know he already has him! Just sloppy. I wasn't interested in the stunts or special effects here. I wasn't particularly pleased to hear Baine's voie, but it was a good introduction for him. Moving on.
We cut to the front lawn of Wayne manor where we establish that this movies takes place 8 years after the last movie, and that Bruce Wayne or Batman have not been seen since. I didn't like this one bit. What emo ass excuse does the mother have for not kicking ass for 8 years!? Jim Gordon is also present, and he's here to give a speech. The content of which addresses his feelings about Harvey Dent's death and lying about it for 8 years. Basically, he's not happy about it. But not because he's guilty about lying, but because in retrospect, he feels Harvey Dent was some kind of maniac now.
So far, I feel like the ending to the greatest movie ever made has been contradicted and/or betrayed in the beginning of it's sequel. Remember when you saw the ending to Dark Knight? How awesome was it to hear Jim explaining to his son "He's run and we'll chase him cause he can take it. He's the hero this city needs, but not the derp we herp" or something like that. It was cool. I had hoped that this would establish the rhythm for Batman's and Gordan's immediate future. Where Batman routinely battles the police while trying to clean up Gotham. I even noticed that they hid young Barbara Gordan's face so they could cast her later!
How disappointing that Jim's wife would take the kids and go. I can believe that she wouldn't understand the situation. Jim put her through a lot in the last movie, now he wants her to pretend the man who tried to kill her children was some kind of hero? I hadn't thought about that. I don't think the movie Dark Knight even prompted us to think about it, so it's a bad shock to see that Jim Gordan did not get a happily ever after.
Speaking of happily ever after, what's Bruce been up to for 8 years? Well apparently, he's so pitiful that the staff of the Wayne manor thinks that the mansion is fucking haunted by a ghost. In 8 years, the only human contact Bruce has had is Alfred. Also, Bruce is a cripple now. It's sad and not at all what I had in mind for Batman after defeating the Joker and saving Gotham. I just figured there would always be an element of crime or evil, and like Ahab and the white whale, Bruce would spend every waking moment hunting the son of a bitch down - because that's how Batman rolls, dammit!
So far, our heroes from the first movie are sad, sorry sacks of pitiful crap and we're not 20 minutes in! GODDAMNIT!
You know what else? I don't like how we jumped ahead 8 whole years either. It's jarring.
I'm going to talk about Robin now. Yeah, Robin is in this movie, and I saw it coming a mile away. They introduce this cop, right. I don't know who he is, but he's got lines! Good ones! This guy has a lot of screen time. He's doing cool shit. HE FIGURED OUT BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN! That's like, an honor or something. Not even Jim Gordan could put it together on his own. So this cop gives his name, but I didn't hear it, because I was used to missing pieces of dialogue by now because *Baine talks sucks. I didn't figure he said his name was Dick Grayson, but I didn't rule it out. What made me think this guy was Robin was when he went to Batman's house, demanded 5 minutes with Wayne, and told him get his shit straight. Yeah, he figured out Batman's secret identity and gave him lecture with balls! That's just not done, sir! Nobody talks to Batman like that. Batman will fuck your shit up. This guy is either Robin or he's going to die at the end of the movie. This is the scene when I called it; the scene with the yellow cactus.
*I'm Lazy.
You know what? I liked this Robin a lot more than this Batman. What does that say about me and this movie?
Here are some other complaints I have, just for fun. Enjoy:
How could no one figure out a connection between Bruce Wayne and Batman. Did you see Batman's wheels? HE DRIVES A TANK THAT CAN JUMP! If you think a, and this might be in bad taste but, if you think a guy who shoots up a movie theater could make national news, then I think a jumping black tank being driven by a man in a cape would also make national news. You'd think someone in the military would connect the dots. "You know what? Wayne Enterprises tried to sell us a jumping tank. How the hell did this guy get one?" In America, at this point in history, THE CIA WOULD BE ALL OVER THAT SHIT! You'd at least think Batman is funded by money on account of his **ride.
**His Bat Tank.
And you remember the scene with Robin and the veteran police officer driving in the tunnel and the lights go out, and the old cop knew that meant Batman is here? Yeah, because apparently Batman has the light switch to the city, and the cops know that whenever the lights go out for just a second, Batman's here! I loved that scene, but goddamn, Batman has control over the city's power and no one cares? LMAO!
And remember Bruce Wayne's first public sighting in 8 years? This guy get's more attention than Brittany Spears. Bruce Wayne rolls up on some shindig and the paparazzi go apeshit. Coincidentally, all the cameras for 50 feet simultaneously malfunction for no reason because BRUCE WAYNE IS A FUCKING WIZARD!
I liked many parts of this movie. I wanted to like many more parts. I enjoyed myself, anyway. Interestingly enough, I liked the new Spider-Man Movie more than this. My favorite thing about this movie was that epic chanting music. I guess you could say this was the Batman movie I deserved, but not the Batman movie I needed.
I was disappointed by this movie. Was it a bad movie? No. Was it a bad Batman movie? Maybe. Probably, the reasons why I am unhappy with Dark Knight Rises are going to be unique to me. I loved Dark Knight, but I didn't like Batman Begins. My complaints aren't complaints about the movie as a piece of cinema so much as complaints about the ideas that went into it.
Let's start out from the beginning. As expected for modern story telling, we open with an exciting action scene. Some CIA guy is transporting prisoners. I got the impression he was a sloppy CIA guy too, btw. Why? Cause CIA guy is looking for Baine, and doesn't even know he already has him! Just sloppy. I wasn't interested in the stunts or special effects here. I wasn't particularly pleased to hear Baine's voie, but it was a good introduction for him. Moving on.
We cut to the front lawn of Wayne manor where we establish that this movies takes place 8 years after the last movie, and that Bruce Wayne or Batman have not been seen since. I didn't like this one bit. What emo ass excuse does the mother have for not kicking ass for 8 years!? Jim Gordon is also present, and he's here to give a speech. The content of which addresses his feelings about Harvey Dent's death and lying about it for 8 years. Basically, he's not happy about it. But not because he's guilty about lying, but because in retrospect, he feels Harvey Dent was some kind of maniac now.
So far, I feel like the ending to the greatest movie ever made has been contradicted and/or betrayed in the beginning of it's sequel. Remember when you saw the ending to Dark Knight? How awesome was it to hear Jim explaining to his son "He's run and we'll chase him cause he can take it. He's the hero this city needs, but not the derp we herp" or something like that. It was cool. I had hoped that this would establish the rhythm for Batman's and Gordan's immediate future. Where Batman routinely battles the police while trying to clean up Gotham. I even noticed that they hid young Barbara Gordan's face so they could cast her later!
How disappointing that Jim's wife would take the kids and go. I can believe that she wouldn't understand the situation. Jim put her through a lot in the last movie, now he wants her to pretend the man who tried to kill her children was some kind of hero? I hadn't thought about that. I don't think the movie Dark Knight even prompted us to think about it, so it's a bad shock to see that Jim Gordan did not get a happily ever after.
Speaking of happily ever after, what's Bruce been up to for 8 years? Well apparently, he's so pitiful that the staff of the Wayne manor thinks that the mansion is fucking haunted by a ghost. In 8 years, the only human contact Bruce has had is Alfred. Also, Bruce is a cripple now. It's sad and not at all what I had in mind for Batman after defeating the Joker and saving Gotham. I just figured there would always be an element of crime or evil, and like Ahab and the white whale, Bruce would spend every waking moment hunting the son of a bitch down - because that's how Batman rolls, dammit!
So far, our heroes from the first movie are sad, sorry sacks of pitiful crap and we're not 20 minutes in! GODDAMNIT!
You know what else? I don't like how we jumped ahead 8 whole years either. It's jarring.
I'm going to talk about Robin now. Yeah, Robin is in this movie, and I saw it coming a mile away. They introduce this cop, right. I don't know who he is, but he's got lines! Good ones! This guy has a lot of screen time. He's doing cool shit. HE FIGURED OUT BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN! That's like, an honor or something. Not even Jim Gordan could put it together on his own. So this cop gives his name, but I didn't hear it, because I was used to missing pieces of dialogue by now because *Baine talks sucks. I didn't figure he said his name was Dick Grayson, but I didn't rule it out. What made me think this guy was Robin was when he went to Batman's house, demanded 5 minutes with Wayne, and told him get his shit straight. Yeah, he figured out Batman's secret identity and gave him lecture with balls! That's just not done, sir! Nobody talks to Batman like that. Batman will fuck your shit up. This guy is either Robin or he's going to die at the end of the movie. This is the scene when I called it; the scene with the yellow cactus.
*I'm Lazy.
You know what? I liked this Robin a lot more than this Batman. What does that say about me and this movie?
Here are some other complaints I have, just for fun. Enjoy:
How could no one figure out a connection between Bruce Wayne and Batman. Did you see Batman's wheels? HE DRIVES A TANK THAT CAN JUMP! If you think a, and this might be in bad taste but, if you think a guy who shoots up a movie theater could make national news, then I think a jumping black tank being driven by a man in a cape would also make national news. You'd think someone in the military would connect the dots. "You know what? Wayne Enterprises tried to sell us a jumping tank. How the hell did this guy get one?" In America, at this point in history, THE CIA WOULD BE ALL OVER THAT SHIT! You'd at least think Batman is funded by money on account of his **ride.
**His Bat Tank.
And you remember the scene with Robin and the veteran police officer driving in the tunnel and the lights go out, and the old cop knew that meant Batman is here? Yeah, because apparently Batman has the light switch to the city, and the cops know that whenever the lights go out for just a second, Batman's here! I loved that scene, but goddamn, Batman has control over the city's power and no one cares? LMAO!
And remember Bruce Wayne's first public sighting in 8 years? This guy get's more attention than Brittany Spears. Bruce Wayne rolls up on some shindig and the paparazzi go apeshit. Coincidentally, all the cameras for 50 feet simultaneously malfunction for no reason because BRUCE WAYNE IS A FUCKING WIZARD!
I liked many parts of this movie. I wanted to like many more parts. I enjoyed myself, anyway. Interestingly enough, I liked the new Spider-Man Movie more than this. My favorite thing about this movie was that epic chanting music. I guess you could say this was the Batman movie I deserved, but not the Batman movie I needed.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Video Games Suck Now
How come all the kinds of games I want to play only come out on handhelds? Handhelds suck! I think the (only good?) idea behind the handheld device is to be able to play your games while you're away from home. Children can't afford them and don't really go anywhere. Adults don't buy them because they can afford consoles and wouldn't be caught dead in public with a handheld because you look like a loser. Why does the video game industry hate the idea of producing a console game with graphics resembling older games?
I love a good RPG, but I haven't seen an RPG I liked in over 12 years. If an RPG were made that had a look resembling SNES games like Chrono Trigger or Super Mario RPG, or Playstation1 era games, I'd be interested. I'm positive this interest of mine is nothing esoteric. *Emulation and ROMs are still popular.
This doesn't mean I hate modern graphics. I have an analogy to help me give this idea some extra merit. To me, the difference between older gen games and new gen games is Theater vs. Movies. Theater is still a valid form of entertainment, storytelling, visuals and sounds. There's a different experience between going to see a play and going to see a movie. You'd be a real asshole to tell someone that plays are bullshit.
Now, here's a list of reasons why handhelds suck.
*Actually, I can't back that up, but entities like Google probably can. Point is people still play old games.
**Also, honor and a penis.
I love a good RPG, but I haven't seen an RPG I liked in over 12 years. If an RPG were made that had a look resembling SNES games like Chrono Trigger or Super Mario RPG, or Playstation1 era games, I'd be interested. I'm positive this interest of mine is nothing esoteric. *Emulation and ROMs are still popular.
This doesn't mean I hate modern graphics. I have an analogy to help me give this idea some extra merit. To me, the difference between older gen games and new gen games is Theater vs. Movies. Theater is still a valid form of entertainment, storytelling, visuals and sounds. There's a different experience between going to see a play and going to see a movie. You'd be a real asshole to tell someone that plays are bullshit.
Now, here's a list of reasons why handhelds suck.
- You can't get comfortable.
- Seriously! Sitting? Forget about it! You'll hurt your back. You have to lay down on your side and roll over often. Your hands cramp and sweat. Some people have issues with eye strain.
- It's an inferior gaming device.
- I know it, you know it. I thought we didn't want to play games with graphics quality nearly 2 generations behind? Speakers tend to suck and who wants to rely on headphones?
- It's extra money.
- This is the biggest for me. I don't want to spend money on another, lesser device to play games when I can get a console instead.
- It's unique abilities are rendered bullshit.
- Portability: Like I said, you can't get comfortable. You won't feel any more comfortable assuming the position in public. Where else would you play video games anyway? Work? School? The park? the Beach? The mall? The library? You go to Home Depo to play Pokemon and Zelda, asshole? Also, you look like a loser. Seriously, what woman isn't attracted to that guy playing Mario on the train? You know what else? Handheld games are so weak that they're easily emulated. Why worry about this piddly device with it's dinky speakers and tiny screen with it's energy needs when I can play the same game on a computer? Link Cable? Wifi? Consoles connect to other consoles through the internet now, too, bitch. Also, you have to carry it around. When your a **man, you have 2 pockets. One is for your wallet and the other is for your phone.
- Also, 3d is a stupid gimmick and I prefer buttons to touch screen. Dual Screens suck too.
*Actually, I can't back that up, but entities like Google probably can. Point is people still play old games.
**Also, honor and a penis.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
AVATAR: THE LEGEND OF KORRA
I really liked the first avatar series and there's a lot to like about the second avatar series, but I have mixed feelings. The protagonist is Korra. Let me take this opportunity to point out that there are few TV shows and movies with protagonists whole aren't white and male. Also, you don't see a who lot of breasts in American animation.
Most characters are great. The only characters I have problems with actually happen to be two of the main characters, Bolin and Mako (voiced by Bud Bundy!). They're brothers. Bolin is a traditional dork and Mako is a dork like Squall Lionhart. As of the more recent episodes, Bolin feels like a third wheel. They're pro bending athletes.
Yeah, people developed a sport around bending and all the professional athletes appear to be teenagers. Go figure. It really reminds me of blitzball in that it looks about as sensible. Its a sport where you shoot fireballs and throw round bricks at opponents to knock them off a 3 story platform into an unsupervised pool. Note that fire bending and earth bending were extensively used for war in the first series, now they're used for sport.
Let's focus on just one episode. In S1E6 "And the Winner is..." The villain Amon has announced that he's going to crash the Pro Bending Tournament. Rather than cancel the game, the City Council decides to beef up security. We watch the grudge match between the Fire Ferrets and the Wolf Bats before Amon and his minions show up and start doing villainous things. Then Korra and police chief Lin Beifong kick some ass together but ultimately fail to accomplish anything. The end.
What was the purpose of this episode? I think they were trying to accomplish too much. As of the previous episode, I was looking forward to a pro bending match. I figured we were going to focus on this particular conflict and wrap it up, but this is also an action show so they had to give us something more. The match would build up to nothing. It ate up half the episode so it seemed like it was going to be a legitimate sports drama, but to my dissatisfaction, Amon shows up after the Wolf Bats cheat to victory and takes away their ability to bend and their ability to ever have a rematch against the Fire Ferrets. The cheating will probably never be addressed either. I guess the moral is cheaters never win? I don't think so.
The fire ferrets loss was then swept by the wayside in lieu of more important matters. So I really want to know, what was the point of that pro bending match! I honestly feel like it was wasted time. A lot of build-up over previous episodes led to nothing. Why were we ever so heavily invested in pro bending in the first place? Because it was some sort of outlet for Korra or something like that. I think the pro bending plot line should have been treated differently. I've got a complaint about the fight scene too. You know how Dragon Ball Z had too much fighting? I feel like there was too little in this episode. Well, maybe a whole quarter of the episode was dedicated to the attack by Amon, but none of it was particularly meaningful, just minions. Amon, the big bad, did squat but he was the only character who accomplished anything. He used this attack to make an example of and intimidate his enemies, build his reputation and bring himself one step closer to fulfilling his destiny as masked guy who does evil.
Addendum 6-26-2012: I just saw the finale of Korra. After anticipating this new series for 2 years, season 1 (of 1?) was adequate. I'm not sure what the intention of this series was. What was it trying to accomplish? More than anything, it felt like a big *Easter Egg hunt rather than a story about a girl (and her friends) on her/their own hero's journey.
*There was lots of Easter Eggs!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Ultimate Spider-Man
I am a pretty big fan of Spider-Man. That said, there's a new cartoon show on Disney called Ultimate Spider-Man. I both like and dislike it.
As far as Spider-Man goes, this show is very different. Most incarnations of Spider-Man have a staff of writers working hard to make every day of Peter Parker's life hell. Instead, Ultimate Spider-Man actually has almost no dramatic tension. This might be a weakness of the show. The overall plot is very simple: Spider-Man joins SHIELD to become a better superhero where he becomes a member of a team of rookie superheroes. After that the show falls into a villain-of-the-day routine where we sometimes have conflict. What I miss most is this show has almost no story or character development.
Also, the rookie heroes Spidey works with suck. Nova is a Jerk and an idiot. Iron Fist is a hippy. White Tiger won't stop bitching. Power Man is practically a mute. Power Man is the lamest character of all because he has yet to have any conflict (note: I saw the first 9 episodes). As it stands, I don't care what happens to these characters.
But here's what I like about the show. There's a lot of exaggerated expressions and gestures; even with masks. It reminds me of anime. I also really like how Spidy talks to the audience by bringing them inside his imagination where his innocent and sick fantasies cartoonishly play out. This show has a lot of emphasis on comedy.
Ultimately, this show is just OK. It's the light hearted comedy version of Spider-Man. I think they could make it better by either defining all the characters a lot more or losing some of them. I really liked episode S1E7 "Exclusive" in which Mary Jane is trying to become a *reporter by shooting an interview with Spidey for a contest being held by the Daily Bugle. The entire episode is from the point-of -view of MJ's camera. Action and character development are pretty fulfilling, unlike other eps. I think it's a good example of what the show should try to be.
*Traditionally, MJ Watson is a party-girl/model/actress. There have been no writers who have made that interesting. The downside is, now MJ's character looks a lot like Lois Lane's character. Also, MJ's design reminds me of Ariel from The Little Mermaid.
As far as Spider-Man goes, this show is very different. Most incarnations of Spider-Man have a staff of writers working hard to make every day of Peter Parker's life hell. Instead, Ultimate Spider-Man actually has almost no dramatic tension. This might be a weakness of the show. The overall plot is very simple: Spider-Man joins SHIELD to become a better superhero where he becomes a member of a team of rookie superheroes. After that the show falls into a villain-of-the-day routine where we sometimes have conflict. What I miss most is this show has almost no story or character development.
Also, the rookie heroes Spidey works with suck. Nova is a Jerk and an idiot. Iron Fist is a hippy. White Tiger won't stop bitching. Power Man is practically a mute. Power Man is the lamest character of all because he has yet to have any conflict (note: I saw the first 9 episodes). As it stands, I don't care what happens to these characters.
But here's what I like about the show. There's a lot of exaggerated expressions and gestures; even with masks. It reminds me of anime. I also really like how Spidy talks to the audience by bringing them inside his imagination where his innocent and sick fantasies cartoonishly play out. This show has a lot of emphasis on comedy.
Ultimately, this show is just OK. It's the light hearted comedy version of Spider-Man. I think they could make it better by either defining all the characters a lot more or losing some of them. I really liked episode S1E7 "Exclusive" in which Mary Jane is trying to become a *reporter by shooting an interview with Spidey for a contest being held by the Daily Bugle. The entire episode is from the point-of -view of MJ's camera. Action and character development are pretty fulfilling, unlike other eps. I think it's a good example of what the show should try to be.
*Traditionally, MJ Watson is a party-girl/model/actress. There have been no writers who have made that interesting. The downside is, now MJ's character looks a lot like Lois Lane's character. Also, MJ's design reminds me of Ariel from The Little Mermaid.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Why I'm Not an Asshole
How is it that some people can make you feel like an asshole for nothing? I've just earned my A.A., and I'll probably sound like a whinny baby, so just read this one with George Carlin's voice in your head. The point of this article is to argue that people are all different, we like to do things differently, and there's nothing wrong with that if it differs from the norm.
I'm not walking in my commencement ceremony? Why not? 'Cause I don't feel like it! Kiss my ass! My feelings are this: It's my choice because it's my special occasion and if you're disappointed, oh well, too bad. So because I'm not walking, my mom says to me in a voice which I recognize as the voice she uses to brake bad news to me that maybe we could go celebrate some other way.
Here's the thing. I hate doing something special because the all mighty calendar says to. Valentines' Day is no more romantic to me than Tuesday and New Years Day is just tomorrow. Celebrating mediocrity feels like patronization to me. I consider earning your A.A. an example of mediocrity and I think walking in a ceremony in a stupid hat and what is essentially a cloak is bullshit. Also, it took me 6 years to earn mine so I'm not about to brag. Buuuuut, if it's your special occasion and you want to celebrate it some way that is meaningful to you, that's fine. I'm happy for you and I'll join in the festivities if they are something I can enjoy. I'm not skydiving or bungee jumping for you, even if you earn a doctrine.
OK, maybe if you earn a doctrine. And you're my sugar-mama.
So I told my mom I'm not interested and she seemed genuinely sad. Now I feel lousy. But here are the traditional options in my family: Agree to do something you HATE and be miserable the whole time or opt out and be made to feel guilty for your legitimate decision. If you love me, why would you ask me to do something that makes me miserable? What's wrong with you! I swear on everything sacred, I'd give these people half my liver, but I will not spend a whole goddamn day at a crowded fair in the middle of summer.
So here's the deal. We all like to celebrate in our own way. Some people blow a couple hundred bucks on drinks at a bar with some close friends. The way I see it, I just took six years to earn a two year degree, this calls for a nap.
By the way, I just earned my Associates. Whoopy.
I'm not walking in my commencement ceremony? Why not? 'Cause I don't feel like it! Kiss my ass! My feelings are this: It's my choice because it's my special occasion and if you're disappointed, oh well, too bad. So because I'm not walking, my mom says to me in a voice which I recognize as the voice she uses to brake bad news to me that maybe we could go celebrate some other way.
Here's the thing. I hate doing something special because the all mighty calendar says to. Valentines' Day is no more romantic to me than Tuesday and New Years Day is just tomorrow. Celebrating mediocrity feels like patronization to me. I consider earning your A.A. an example of mediocrity and I think walking in a ceremony in a stupid hat and what is essentially a cloak is bullshit. Also, it took me 6 years to earn mine so I'm not about to brag. Buuuuut, if it's your special occasion and you want to celebrate it some way that is meaningful to you, that's fine. I'm happy for you and I'll join in the festivities if they are something I can enjoy. I'm not skydiving or bungee jumping for you, even if you earn a doctrine.
OK, maybe if you earn a doctrine. And you're my sugar-mama.
So I told my mom I'm not interested and she seemed genuinely sad. Now I feel lousy. But here are the traditional options in my family: Agree to do something you HATE and be miserable the whole time or opt out and be made to feel guilty for your legitimate decision. If you love me, why would you ask me to do something that makes me miserable? What's wrong with you! I swear on everything sacred, I'd give these people half my liver, but I will not spend a whole goddamn day at a crowded fair in the middle of summer.
So here's the deal. We all like to celebrate in our own way. Some people blow a couple hundred bucks on drinks at a bar with some close friends. The way I see it, I just took six years to earn a two year degree, this calls for a nap.
By the way, I just earned my Associates. Whoopy.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Pokemon Sucks
I used to like playing Pokemon and it's still a good game, but it's not getting any better. It's stale. You are very much doing the same thing over and over again. When you pick up a new pokemon game, it feels like you haven't put down the last one. The next Pokemon game is always the same except you, your rival, and your world renowned scientist sponsor look different. They got around to changing the name of the villainous organization from Team Rocket to Team Butt-Crack. Nintendo or the creative team behind Pokemon needs to do something different besides adding new functions of gameplay. Here's an idea of mine I'll let you have provided you credit me.
Here We Go:
The new region has been conquered by Team Butt-Crack. Pokemon training is outlawed and has gone underground. Your hero wants to become a trainer none-the-less, as many young, spirited people do. A new Pokemon League Challenge exists as the Underground Pokemon Circuits. You won't be able to get in unless you can earn trust of a member of the circuit who can vouch for you. There's no longer a PokeCenter, PokeMart, or Gym. Now, each town has a building or an area with a secret back room or underground or etc where the kludge pokemon medical facility is located, the pokemon item black market, as well as being the place where trainers meet to exchange news and battle each other. Instead of collecting badges from gym leaders, at each of these town's secret pokemon place, you battle against local trainers for small objects which are treated much the same as badges, but are actually random objects easily taken for junk by the Butt-Crack members who police every town and route such as a key chain, a bottle cap, or a shoe lace with a zelda/mario/megaman aglet.
Be careful where you get into battles with wild pokemon, because if you're seen battling by members of team butt-crack, you get arrested and have to bride them with half your money. There are some places where members of Team Butt-Crack don't go, such as "dungeons" and small secret areas off of various routes where you can search for wild pokemon or battle other trainers in peace. In some cases, you can pay people to distract Team Butt-Crack members so you can battle. The object of the game is to eventually take down Team Butt-Crack. As you win in the underground pokemon circuits, you gain a reputation and the greater your reputation, the more interesting you become to the secret pokemon rebellion. After they recruit you, you begin some small missions where you might rescue captured pokemon or deliver messages to arrested trainers. Eventually, you're laying siege to Team Butt-Crack strongholds and offices with some other prevalent members of the resistance. You'll eventually liberate the whole region one town at a time. After finally defeating Team Butt-Crack, you win. In the epilogue, you are a popular hero and you're free to pursue the real pokemone league challenge by revisiting the towns and taking on the newly revived pokemon gyms. Then it's off to Victory Road and Indigo Plateau to become the Pokemon Master. Why not?
Now that's a pokemon game I would play. Seriously, new story.
Here's another reason why Pokemon games sucks: All the new pokemon they can come up with are stupid and stupid looking. If you look at pokemon stats or move lists, most new pokemon suck outright. If you want the best team, it's a matter of getting pokemon with good moves that match their types and suit their stats. I believe everyone who chose Treeko knows what I'm talking about. He's a grass pokemon with high Special. That's a problem because he only gets moves that do damage with the attack stat. The pokemon is completely useless late game. There's a huge lack of strong grass type moves that do damage with the special stat anyway and they're crippled with small PP amounts or they take two turns. Also, this pokemon doesn't learn any grass type moves that damage with the attack stat, and can't be taught any of them either not that there are any. He's garbage, and that problem is not unique to this one pokemon. Lots of pokemon are all goofed up like this. How hard is it to make a pokemon that isn't broken? Everyone knows grass type pokemon all suck anyway, but you pick Treeko as your starter because it's the only one that isn't ugly.
Here We Go:
The new region has been conquered by Team Butt-Crack. Pokemon training is outlawed and has gone underground. Your hero wants to become a trainer none-the-less, as many young, spirited people do. A new Pokemon League Challenge exists as the Underground Pokemon Circuits. You won't be able to get in unless you can earn trust of a member of the circuit who can vouch for you. There's no longer a PokeCenter, PokeMart, or Gym. Now, each town has a building or an area with a secret back room or underground or etc where the kludge pokemon medical facility is located, the pokemon item black market, as well as being the place where trainers meet to exchange news and battle each other. Instead of collecting badges from gym leaders, at each of these town's secret pokemon place, you battle against local trainers for small objects which are treated much the same as badges, but are actually random objects easily taken for junk by the Butt-Crack members who police every town and route such as a key chain, a bottle cap, or a shoe lace with a zelda/mario/megaman aglet.
Be careful where you get into battles with wild pokemon, because if you're seen battling by members of team butt-crack, you get arrested and have to bride them with half your money. There are some places where members of Team Butt-Crack don't go, such as "dungeons" and small secret areas off of various routes where you can search for wild pokemon or battle other trainers in peace. In some cases, you can pay people to distract Team Butt-Crack members so you can battle. The object of the game is to eventually take down Team Butt-Crack. As you win in the underground pokemon circuits, you gain a reputation and the greater your reputation, the more interesting you become to the secret pokemon rebellion. After they recruit you, you begin some small missions where you might rescue captured pokemon or deliver messages to arrested trainers. Eventually, you're laying siege to Team Butt-Crack strongholds and offices with some other prevalent members of the resistance. You'll eventually liberate the whole region one town at a time. After finally defeating Team Butt-Crack, you win. In the epilogue, you are a popular hero and you're free to pursue the real pokemone league challenge by revisiting the towns and taking on the newly revived pokemon gyms. Then it's off to Victory Road and Indigo Plateau to become the Pokemon Master. Why not?
Now that's a pokemon game I would play. Seriously, new story.
Here's another reason why Pokemon games sucks: All the new pokemon they can come up with are stupid and stupid looking. If you look at pokemon stats or move lists, most new pokemon suck outright. If you want the best team, it's a matter of getting pokemon with good moves that match their types and suit their stats. I believe everyone who chose Treeko knows what I'm talking about. He's a grass pokemon with high Special. That's a problem because he only gets moves that do damage with the attack stat. The pokemon is completely useless late game. There's a huge lack of strong grass type moves that do damage with the special stat anyway and they're crippled with small PP amounts or they take two turns. Also, this pokemon doesn't learn any grass type moves that damage with the attack stat, and can't be taught any of them either not that there are any. He's garbage, and that problem is not unique to this one pokemon. Lots of pokemon are all goofed up like this. How hard is it to make a pokemon that isn't broken? Everyone knows grass type pokemon all suck anyway, but you pick Treeko as your starter because it's the only one that isn't ugly.
Let's talk about handheld gaming systems. Stupid fucking idea. The point of the handheld is portability, right? No one games(verb) on-the-go. There are no good games to be played on the go. No one wants to make games for handhelds. And who is the intended consumer of this POS? Children? Children have no money of their own. Plus, most parents would rather have their child exercising if they're playing outside. Also, electronic devices are not allowed in schools. So when and where are children going to play their handhelds?
Adults won't play handhelds either. Why? Just ask yourself: would you feel comfortable playing a gaming device in public? Probly not. You'll look immature and repel all potential friends or romantic interests.
My favorite handheld POS is the Nintendo DS. Apparently Nintento become ashamed of the iconic brand of their former handheld machine. Gameboy. Game. Boy. Sounds like a toy; a toy for boys, and not for girls, women, or men. Nintendo DS however, sounds just like iPod. Speaking of iPods, Apple, your screens crack like an ass! Go to japan and get some screens from nintendo cause the DS screens last longer than the first month! Now, I love how the DS has 2 screens and I love how they're arranged vertically because so are our eyes. Quick question for you, reader: Do you think Nintendo actually expects you to play games with a stick? The answer is no. Nintendo has a fetish for innovation, and they don't care how stupid. Actually, a stick sounds like the opposite of innovation. This DS bullcrap was just a gimmick.
You know what I liked about the gameboy was that you could get an accessory for your SNES called Super Gameboy. It was a snes cart with a slot for gameboy paks. Good god, look at all those terms. This was an awesome idea because it meant that when you got tired of staring at a bullshit screen that was small and dark, shifting back and forth from one uncomfortable position to another, and going through a new set of batteries ever 20 hours or so, you could say fuck it and play your favorite on-the-go games at home ON YOUR TV. This was an awesome idea: At home games you could play on the go. You never have to stop! But I guess Nintento feared this somewhat undermined the gameboy, because if everyone had a super gameboy, they wouldn't touch a gameboy ever again. And what would be the purpose of the gameboy?
And that's why Super Gameboy carts were always impossible to find.
But seriously, the best innovation Nintendo ever had was integrating portable and home gaming. If you could connect a portable gaming device to a tv, you would never use it otherwise and gaming companies know that. That's the genius behind the dual screens. Your tv has only one screen. If you could play your DS games on a TV, that undermines the gimmick, you see.
Now let's talk about the other flaw of portable gaming. Portable gaming is for pokemon. If you have a DS, you have pokemon. Pokemon is a game series with it's own gimmick: trading. You have to have the link cable accessory to connect two gameboys, you see. Trading pokemon with your friends is the only way to complete the game.
WELL I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO PLAYED POKEMON, ASSHOLES! MY FRIENDS WEREN'T NERDS! I certainly wouldn't have nerd friends today, NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT.
Anyway, this concept of link cables is obsolete. With online gaming, you don't need pricy accessories or friends! So go fuck yourself, Nintendo. Handheld gaming sucks.
Adults won't play handhelds either. Why? Just ask yourself: would you feel comfortable playing a gaming device in public? Probly not. You'll look immature and repel all potential friends or romantic interests.
My favorite handheld POS is the Nintendo DS. Apparently Nintento become ashamed of the iconic brand of their former handheld machine. Gameboy. Game. Boy. Sounds like a toy; a toy for boys, and not for girls, women, or men. Nintendo DS however, sounds just like iPod. Speaking of iPods, Apple, your screens crack like an ass! Go to japan and get some screens from nintendo cause the DS screens last longer than the first month! Now, I love how the DS has 2 screens and I love how they're arranged vertically because so are our eyes. Quick question for you, reader: Do you think Nintendo actually expects you to play games with a stick? The answer is no. Nintendo has a fetish for innovation, and they don't care how stupid. Actually, a stick sounds like the opposite of innovation. This DS bullcrap was just a gimmick.
You know what I liked about the gameboy was that you could get an accessory for your SNES called Super Gameboy. It was a snes cart with a slot for gameboy paks. Good god, look at all those terms. This was an awesome idea because it meant that when you got tired of staring at a bullshit screen that was small and dark, shifting back and forth from one uncomfortable position to another, and going through a new set of batteries ever 20 hours or so, you could say fuck it and play your favorite on-the-go games at home ON YOUR TV. This was an awesome idea: At home games you could play on the go. You never have to stop! But I guess Nintento feared this somewhat undermined the gameboy, because if everyone had a super gameboy, they wouldn't touch a gameboy ever again. And what would be the purpose of the gameboy?
And that's why Super Gameboy carts were always impossible to find.
But seriously, the best innovation Nintendo ever had was integrating portable and home gaming. If you could connect a portable gaming device to a tv, you would never use it otherwise and gaming companies know that. That's the genius behind the dual screens. Your tv has only one screen. If you could play your DS games on a TV, that undermines the gimmick, you see.
Now let's talk about the other flaw of portable gaming. Portable gaming is for pokemon. If you have a DS, you have pokemon. Pokemon is a game series with it's own gimmick: trading. You have to have the link cable accessory to connect two gameboys, you see. Trading pokemon with your friends is the only way to complete the game.
WELL I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO PLAYED POKEMON, ASSHOLES! MY FRIENDS WEREN'T NERDS! I certainly wouldn't have nerd friends today, NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT.
Anyway, this concept of link cables is obsolete. With online gaming, you don't need pricy accessories or friends! So go fuck yourself, Nintendo. Handheld gaming sucks.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Cliffhangers
CLIFFHANGERS
I like it when a story reaches a satisfying conclusion. Preferably, everyone you care about is safe and they achieved all their goals. I think this is what you might call an ideal ending, however...
I spent maybe 80hours on my first play-through of Final Fantasy 7 when I was 12. The game was a part of my life for who know how many weeks or months. I'll reiterate, It was a part of my life, so when I finally beat it, I was on top of the world. The sensation ended before the final movie and by the credit scroll I was really sad because it was all over. What was I gonna do now?
FF7 is a special case because I was extremely invested. Even still, the hardest part of telling a story is writing an ending that doesn't hurt. Both Seinfeld and The Sopranos got it wrong. I think a cliffhanger might have done some justice. Yeah, a cliffhanger. Why? Think about comics. Western super hero comics go on and on and on. They're not intended to ever have an end. They just have new story arcs forever. The sentiment "all good things must pass" is kind of a double whammy: Either something dies or it lives long enough to jump the shark (total Dark Knight reference). It's inevitable.
There are good cliffhangers and bad. Good cliff hangers tie up all the lose ends and introduce or hint at the next story arc or saga or chapter. Bad cliff hangers leave a few pieces of the puzzle out. This makes you feel gypped. Also, you actually do get gypped if something prevents the next part of the story from being made.
So I finally saw the ending for season 4 of Heroes. I don't know why people were so unhappy that the show didn't get a fifth season. Trust me, the show will come back in 20 years like Star Trek: The Next Generation. Anyway, I liked the ending. It was satisfying to me. It seemed that all the loose ends were tied neatly and everyone grew, achieved their goals, and etc. Then Claire exposes Specials to the world. Then the show ends. Perfect! It gives me the impression that the heroes never finish their heroes journey, ever, even if I never see them again. Also, It left off with in a sense that they had a specific and interesting idea for the next chapter in the story, rather than something vague.
Now that I think about it, THAT'S HOW DARK KNIGHT ENDED. All loose ends are tied and Batman goes on protecting Gotham as usual, but we're entering a new chapter in the story where Batman is hunted by the law.
Man, I'm good.
I like it when a story reaches a satisfying conclusion. Preferably, everyone you care about is safe and they achieved all their goals. I think this is what you might call an ideal ending, however...
I spent maybe 80hours on my first play-through of Final Fantasy 7 when I was 12. The game was a part of my life for who know how many weeks or months. I'll reiterate, It was a part of my life, so when I finally beat it, I was on top of the world. The sensation ended before the final movie and by the credit scroll I was really sad because it was all over. What was I gonna do now?
FF7 is a special case because I was extremely invested. Even still, the hardest part of telling a story is writing an ending that doesn't hurt. Both Seinfeld and The Sopranos got it wrong. I think a cliffhanger might have done some justice. Yeah, a cliffhanger. Why? Think about comics. Western super hero comics go on and on and on. They're not intended to ever have an end. They just have new story arcs forever. The sentiment "all good things must pass" is kind of a double whammy: Either something dies or it lives long enough to jump the shark (total Dark Knight reference). It's inevitable.
There are good cliffhangers and bad. Good cliff hangers tie up all the lose ends and introduce or hint at the next story arc or saga or chapter. Bad cliff hangers leave a few pieces of the puzzle out. This makes you feel gypped. Also, you actually do get gypped if something prevents the next part of the story from being made.
So I finally saw the ending for season 4 of Heroes. I don't know why people were so unhappy that the show didn't get a fifth season. Trust me, the show will come back in 20 years like Star Trek: The Next Generation. Anyway, I liked the ending. It was satisfying to me. It seemed that all the loose ends were tied neatly and everyone grew, achieved their goals, and etc. Then Claire exposes Specials to the world. Then the show ends. Perfect! It gives me the impression that the heroes never finish their heroes journey, ever, even if I never see them again. Also, It left off with in a sense that they had a specific and interesting idea for the next chapter in the story, rather than something vague.
Now that I think about it, THAT'S HOW DARK KNIGHT ENDED. All loose ends are tied and Batman goes on protecting Gotham as usual, but we're entering a new chapter in the story where Batman is hunted by the law.
Man, I'm good.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Barry the Bear
It's about a bear named Barry who moves to the city to reveal the folly of humanity. However, living in the city is complicated and he'll need to get a job, and education, a place to live, and a social life.
Barry is an optimist who believes in that people will come around eventually to his wisdom. His roommate is a misanthropic goth woman named Lydia who thinks pragmatically. During Barry's trials, he occasionally meets a cybernetic cow from the future named Larry who shares some of his wisdom.
It's a social commentary and my own personal soap box filled with dark humor, droll humor, and wise-ass humor.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Why Haven't I Painted This Yet?
I should do a painting of this:
Monday, April 9, 2012
Some Musings
I'd rather have an enema than another birthday.
I'm somebody else in all my fantasies.
What I wish for more than anything is super powers.
I find it unethical that you need money to run for president of the U.S.A. It limits potential candidates to greedy, out-of-touch people.
Lewis Black was more funny and less successful when he was an alcoholic.
Jon Stewart is Boss.
I'm seeing this turn into a slogan: John 10:28 "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish." It sounds manipulative; it's taking advantage of people's fear of death and will only appeal to the pitiful.
How come rock slang never changes and Hip Hop slang changes constantly?
Would my doctor be proud of me if I lost 10lbs?
I miss Dilbert the Animated Series.
Is Robin Hood a fighter or a rogue?
Goku, Ash Ketchum, Vash the Stampede, Yusuke Yurameshi, Luffy, Naruto, Ichigo, and maybe Kenshin too, are all the same character archetype. Fuck anime.
Why do no movies look appealing to me?
Music these days does sucks.
I wonder if I could become as popular as Maddox if I wrote such things as "old people are for eating?"
I like Failblog and Lolcats.
I haven't had meat in 5 months now and I'm doing pretty good.
It feels like movie directors aren't taking advantage of the fact that movies are both visual and auditory media.
My favorite Back to the Future movie is the third one.
I wanna see someone parody Star Wars, but show us what happened in between the movies.
Seth MacFarlane's work is getting lazy. Can you believe he has the rights to The Flintstones?
I'm looking forward to the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Although, fuck Michael Bay.
I need some new music.
I'm somebody else in all my fantasies.
What I wish for more than anything is super powers.
I find it unethical that you need money to run for president of the U.S.A. It limits potential candidates to greedy, out-of-touch people.
Lewis Black was more funny and less successful when he was an alcoholic.
Jon Stewart is Boss.
I'm seeing this turn into a slogan: John 10:28 "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish." It sounds manipulative; it's taking advantage of people's fear of death and will only appeal to the pitiful.
How come rock slang never changes and Hip Hop slang changes constantly?
Would my doctor be proud of me if I lost 10lbs?
I miss Dilbert the Animated Series.
Is Robin Hood a fighter or a rogue?
Goku, Ash Ketchum, Vash the Stampede, Yusuke Yurameshi, Luffy, Naruto, Ichigo, and maybe Kenshin too, are all the same character archetype. Fuck anime.
Why do no movies look appealing to me?
Music these days does sucks.
I wonder if I could become as popular as Maddox if I wrote such things as "old people are for eating?"
I like Failblog and Lolcats.
I haven't had meat in 5 months now and I'm doing pretty good.
It feels like movie directors aren't taking advantage of the fact that movies are both visual and auditory media.
My favorite Back to the Future movie is the third one.
I wanna see someone parody Star Wars, but show us what happened in between the movies.
Seth MacFarlane's work is getting lazy. Can you believe he has the rights to The Flintstones?
I'm looking forward to the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Although, fuck Michael Bay.
I need some new music.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Girl with a Tattoo Resembling a Dragon
I saw this movie today. 2 hours 19 minutes. It was good. Really good.Better than that, even.
I don't know what to say about a movie, game, book, or whatever to get people interested or invested in it without giving away too much detail. I believe too much detail is subjective. I don't even wanna know Ranma turns into a girl when he get's wet, but some people don't mind it if you give away the ending. To them, the movie is still satisfying if they get to see how it happens. How do the good guys win and the bad guy's lose? Does anyone get an eye poked out?
The movie is about 2 interesting people who get paired up in an interesting way to solve a very interesting 40 year old mystery. See, I think that gave too much away 'cause it was a nice surprise for me that they got paired up, even though I probably should have expected it as soon as the mystery was introduced. In retrospect, it wasn't something out of the blue, I just couldn't read the handwriting on the wall, or rather, I wasn't certain and it game me something to stick around for.
The movie is rated R and rightly so. There isn't anything graphic but there are a couple scenes that are still hard to watch. The mystery involves some dark subject matter. If I wasn't so desensitized from all the smut I read back in high school and Berserk, I probably wouldn't have been able to finish this because I'm generally a wuss.
I don't know what to say about a movie, game, book, or whatever to get people interested or invested in it without giving away too much detail. I believe too much detail is subjective. I don't even wanna know Ranma turns into a girl when he get's wet, but some people don't mind it if you give away the ending. To them, the movie is still satisfying if they get to see how it happens. How do the good guys win and the bad guy's lose? Does anyone get an eye poked out?
The movie is about 2 interesting people who get paired up in an interesting way to solve a very interesting 40 year old mystery. See, I think that gave too much away 'cause it was a nice surprise for me that they got paired up, even though I probably should have expected it as soon as the mystery was introduced. In retrospect, it wasn't something out of the blue, I just couldn't read the handwriting on the wall, or rather, I wasn't certain and it game me something to stick around for.
The movie is rated R and rightly so. There isn't anything graphic but there are a couple scenes that are still hard to watch. The mystery involves some dark subject matter. If I wasn't so desensitized from all the smut I read back in high school and Berserk, I probably wouldn't have been able to finish this because I'm generally a wuss.
I'm going bald from all this freaking wisdom
Recently, I have begun to remove myself from the petty bullshit squabbles of my family. It really is petty. They use words like bully and abusive like a child might use the word meanie or dumb. What do they fight over? Petty stuff. It's much more interesting and purposeful to instead talk about what the underlying cause is. The root of all evil in my parents' messed up relationship is they're not happy about it and they're not smart enough to figure it out. My dad probably doesn't even realize he's unhappy. I suppose, when you're heavily invested in proving you're the one who's less inconsiderate, you can't really tell how deep in the ditch you've scooted down on your taint.
As I've said, I've began to see this whole thing from a new perspective. Ugly fight's over which one is the dumb ass for losing the t.v. remote involving character defamation of people who died over ten years ago once made me fearful of my own family members and unsafe in my own bed now seem like two children arguing over which color is better, green or blue. I promise you, there's no exaggerating in the previous sentence.
So no offense, but here's the problem, ultimately: My dad is an idiot who is too stupid to understand the concept of consideration and the concept of other people having their own perspectives and my mom hasn't yet realized after 25+ years that she doesn't have to live with the guy. They're not very compatible people, but compatibility doesn't mean two people can't live their lives together. You just need to be wise enough to understand your differences and realize which aspects of your own character cause conflict and, oh gee, i dunno, keep them in the back of your mind the next time you leisurely stroll into your bedroom at 11pm and start flipping on lights and talking to the cat in your outdoor voice.
When you begin to see your parents in the same light children, you feel a weight come off. They can still aggravate the hell out of you, but it's no longer threatening.
As I've said, I've began to see this whole thing from a new perspective. Ugly fight's over which one is the dumb ass for losing the t.v. remote involving character defamation of people who died over ten years ago once made me fearful of my own family members and unsafe in my own bed now seem like two children arguing over which color is better, green or blue. I promise you, there's no exaggerating in the previous sentence.
So no offense, but here's the problem, ultimately: My dad is an idiot who is too stupid to understand the concept of consideration and the concept of other people having their own perspectives and my mom hasn't yet realized after 25+ years that she doesn't have to live with the guy. They're not very compatible people, but compatibility doesn't mean two people can't live their lives together. You just need to be wise enough to understand your differences and realize which aspects of your own character cause conflict and, oh gee, i dunno, keep them in the back of your mind the next time you leisurely stroll into your bedroom at 11pm and start flipping on lights and talking to the cat in your outdoor voice.
When you begin to see your parents in the same light children, you feel a weight come off. They can still aggravate the hell out of you, but it's no longer threatening.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Drawings
A classmate walked past me and saw me drawing in class the other day. She said I drew just like her boyfriend and called him over to see. He seemed impressed by my stuff and told me he once tried to become an artists for one of the big comic publishers, but they ultimately rejected him because he didn't know how to do any digital art work. He started encouraging me to get into digital art. I have some digital art training, but I don't really use the stuff.
 |
| I don't feel like flipping this. |
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Son of a bitch.
Also, my $40 scanner seems to like grey
Sunday, January 29, 2012
The Ultimate Goal of Humanity
What is the goal of humanity? All this work, all this discovery, all this strife, what is it for? I figured it out in the fifth grade.
The goal of all this hard work is to get to a point where there won't be any more. What we do after that is irrelevant. For the meantime, the point is that all of our efforts are all for the ultimate goal of being able to do whatever the hell we want to do, and not having to do anything we don't ever want to do. Put simply, after we achieve utopia we'll be able to sit on our ass all day and do absolutelty nothing if that is our wish.
That's why whenever others criticize lazy people I praise them under my breath for you see they are 10,000 years ahead of the rest of us - they have already achieved the ultimate goal of humanity.
The goal of all this hard work is to get to a point where there won't be any more. What we do after that is irrelevant. For the meantime, the point is that all of our efforts are all for the ultimate goal of being able to do whatever the hell we want to do, and not having to do anything we don't ever want to do. Put simply, after we achieve utopia we'll be able to sit on our ass all day and do absolutelty nothing if that is our wish.
That's why whenever others criticize lazy people I praise them under my breath for you see they are 10,000 years ahead of the rest of us - they have already achieved the ultimate goal of humanity.
Utopia: Childcare
Who the hell wants to raise kids? Kids suck. In fact, there are 3 reasons why going to school ultimately sucked:
1.) You have to wake up early.
2.) You have to get dressed for the day. Screw that, I wanna wear my jammies and my bedhead all day. I'm a kid dammit! It's not important to learn to get ready for the day, yet.
3.) School is full of other kids, which as I've already established, suck!
I envision in a perfect society, child raising is completely socialized and possibly handled by robots. First off, if you think your genes are worth passing on, you have to go through a qualification process. After that, you make your donation. Fetuses are grown under controlled conditions. Finally, the children will be raised in a microcity, separated from the adults. The microcity will be a micro-version of our full size utopia with special construction considered for their scaled down bodies.
Care will be provided by their iPod25s which will fly around and closely supervise them all day.
When the children are adults, you let them out into the real city.
1.) You have to wake up early.
2.) You have to get dressed for the day. Screw that, I wanna wear my jammies and my bedhead all day. I'm a kid dammit! It's not important to learn to get ready for the day, yet.
3.) School is full of other kids, which as I've already established, suck!
I envision in a perfect society, child raising is completely socialized and possibly handled by robots. First off, if you think your genes are worth passing on, you have to go through a qualification process. After that, you make your donation. Fetuses are grown under controlled conditions. Finally, the children will be raised in a microcity, separated from the adults. The microcity will be a micro-version of our full size utopia with special construction considered for their scaled down bodies.
Care will be provided by their iPod25s which will fly around and closely supervise them all day.
When the children are adults, you let them out into the real city.
New Form of Psychological Abuse: Ear Bending
I once read an article in an academic journal that said that people who talk too much have [psychological/emotional; insert appropriate] issues. Now, I don't remember the title of the article, the name of the author or journal, but I'll still sum up the point it made. Basically, people who talk too much are unfulfilled in or unsatisfied with life, so they seek out others attention and bend their ear so they can feel something. Also, if you wanted to bring this to their attention, the situation should be handled carefully.
Now, I don't know about you, but I have one of these people in my life and I'd just as soon live on the streets to get away from him. I have actually considered it! It can take him 10 minutes to explain to you that he went out for a bike ride yesterday, that he enjoyed it, and that he felt good afterwards. And you know what else, he'll tell me about it every day because guess what, he bikes everyday. Goddamit I hate that!
Motherfucker has nothing worth talking about at all because he does nothing fun or worthwhile with his time, so he talks about the same, trivial, pointless bullshit day in and day out. He strains to get every insignificant detail accurate and none of it is relevant to the point: You got some exercise again! Pound sand, idiot!
So here's how this is harmful.
1.) No one likes him.
He has no friends. He has co-workers and family, but no friends. I'm not too confident his family likes him either. Also, he's convinced his co-workers count as friends. But people aren't your friends just because you talk to them every day and you work together. People are your friends when you go see movies together, eat together, have a drink together, spend SuperBowl Sunday together, share intimate stories and dirty jokes with each other, play games, etc.
2) People are happy when he leaves the building.
We really turn into different people when he's not around. Also, it takes him an hour to get out the door because he always finds some poor soul to give the Daily Joe-Update.
3) People avoid him
People don't look forward to certain parts of the day because they know this person will be there, so they take detours or hide in closets or find an excuse to leave or even ditch him. This means people feel they can't trust him with the truth that he sucks. That's a definite sign that your relationship is based on bullshit.
4) People won't trust him
I find that if I ever need help with something, I'll sooner resolve it myself at the price of greater difficulty and more time than go to this guy for help because he is that bad. Maybe it's a plumbing problem and this guy happens be a former plumber? Fuck it, I'll just google it. I would sooner endanger myself than extend an offering to this man to come into my life.
5) If he manages to get you in a conversation, you're stuck
This is the biggest part of the problem. These people will follow you into the bathroom so they can finish their story. Your privacy has less weight to them. There is no polite way to excuse yourself from the conversation. Not a one. He can't take a hint. None of these people can. You're literally trapped and you feel like a rat in a cage. Your wishes are being dismissed. Your feelings are being ignored. Your thoughts don't count. It's not that this person is simply a bore, it's that talking to this person feels like being subjugated.
Part of the problem is he's oblivious, but sometimes you wonder if he really is. And when you try to tell this guy that you have shit to do, he asks what it is so he can judge for himself whether it's more important than him getting to talk your ear off. Fuck you, mister. By the by, I have high blood pressure and I attribute it to the stress of enduring this treatment.
The way this person insists on finishing a story has the unintentional but very real subtext of "Fuck you! I don't give a shit what you think or how you feel, when I want to talk, you fucking listen!" I should have the right to free myself from any situation I don't want to be a part of, goddammit! But I know from experience that you can do and say the most outrageous things to these people to put a bad taste in their mouth and keep them away, but it doesn't work. Currently, I've modified my entire life around this person's comings and goings, so technically he's not a part of my life anymore.
I submit this testament to anyone in the field of psychology, and I ask that you conduct whatever experiments and gather whatever research you need to make this a widely acknowledged and legally recognized form of psychological abuse, because it is, and help all the people like me who are being unintentionally mistreated to get out.
Now, I don't know about you, but I have one of these people in my life and I'd just as soon live on the streets to get away from him. I have actually considered it! It can take him 10 minutes to explain to you that he went out for a bike ride yesterday, that he enjoyed it, and that he felt good afterwards. And you know what else, he'll tell me about it every day because guess what, he bikes everyday. Goddamit I hate that!
Motherfucker has nothing worth talking about at all because he does nothing fun or worthwhile with his time, so he talks about the same, trivial, pointless bullshit day in and day out. He strains to get every insignificant detail accurate and none of it is relevant to the point: You got some exercise again! Pound sand, idiot!
So here's how this is harmful.
1.) No one likes him.
He has no friends. He has co-workers and family, but no friends. I'm not too confident his family likes him either. Also, he's convinced his co-workers count as friends. But people aren't your friends just because you talk to them every day and you work together. People are your friends when you go see movies together, eat together, have a drink together, spend SuperBowl Sunday together, share intimate stories and dirty jokes with each other, play games, etc.
2) People are happy when he leaves the building.
We really turn into different people when he's not around. Also, it takes him an hour to get out the door because he always finds some poor soul to give the Daily Joe-Update.
3) People avoid him
People don't look forward to certain parts of the day because they know this person will be there, so they take detours or hide in closets or find an excuse to leave or even ditch him. This means people feel they can't trust him with the truth that he sucks. That's a definite sign that your relationship is based on bullshit.
4) People won't trust him
I find that if I ever need help with something, I'll sooner resolve it myself at the price of greater difficulty and more time than go to this guy for help because he is that bad. Maybe it's a plumbing problem and this guy happens be a former plumber? Fuck it, I'll just google it. I would sooner endanger myself than extend an offering to this man to come into my life.
5) If he manages to get you in a conversation, you're stuck
This is the biggest part of the problem. These people will follow you into the bathroom so they can finish their story. Your privacy has less weight to them. There is no polite way to excuse yourself from the conversation. Not a one. He can't take a hint. None of these people can. You're literally trapped and you feel like a rat in a cage. Your wishes are being dismissed. Your feelings are being ignored. Your thoughts don't count. It's not that this person is simply a bore, it's that talking to this person feels like being subjugated.
Part of the problem is he's oblivious, but sometimes you wonder if he really is. And when you try to tell this guy that you have shit to do, he asks what it is so he can judge for himself whether it's more important than him getting to talk your ear off. Fuck you, mister. By the by, I have high blood pressure and I attribute it to the stress of enduring this treatment.
The way this person insists on finishing a story has the unintentional but very real subtext of "Fuck you! I don't give a shit what you think or how you feel, when I want to talk, you fucking listen!" I should have the right to free myself from any situation I don't want to be a part of, goddammit! But I know from experience that you can do and say the most outrageous things to these people to put a bad taste in their mouth and keep them away, but it doesn't work. Currently, I've modified my entire life around this person's comings and goings, so technically he's not a part of my life anymore.
I submit this testament to anyone in the field of psychology, and I ask that you conduct whatever experiments and gather whatever research you need to make this a widely acknowledged and legally recognized form of psychological abuse, because it is, and help all the people like me who are being unintentionally mistreated to get out.
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